FFXIV Jokes

Taken from reddit:

"A dragoon walks into a bar. Everyone else dodged it"


hahahahahaha i'm dead

What's the best gift to give your girlfriend once a month?

A Choco - bo!





Yea that's all I've got, you put me on the spot :p

A depressed young Miqo'te was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

When she went down to the docks in Limsa, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said,

"Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Ul'dah in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The Miqo'te looked down the docks for a moment in doubt, but then nodded yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat.

From then on, every night he brought her three miq'abobs and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," the Miqo'te explained. "He's taking me to Ul'dah, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady... This is the Ferry to Aleport!"

A well dressed Elezen in gold colored armor enters an up-class establishment in Ul'dah, sits down on one of the seats and orders four very expensive drinks.

A cute Miqo'te walks over and serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The Elezen then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds.

The Miqo'te comments, "Wow, you sure must have a problem."

"Lady, if you had what I had," the Elezen replies, "you'd drink them fast, too."

Leaning over, the sympathetic Miqo'te waitress asks, "What do you have, sir?".

"Fifty gil".

Yo mama Saffat, that Bahamut looked at her and went 'DAAAAAYUM'.

How many CT tanks does it take to change a lightbulb?
They can't, most just stand there waiting for someone else to do it, the ones that do try end up turning it the wrong way.

Why is lim the home of Roes?
Because no one else will roe roe roe your boat when you take the ferry!
Gwahahahahaha lol

Q: What do you call a chubby lalafell?
A: Low fat.

Q: What gesture does a lalafell use to say hello?
A: A microwave!

Q: Why are lalafell such nice players?
A: Because they don't look down on people!

totally stolen, but I thought they were cute ;p

Why do Mexican players call Lalfells paragraphs?
Because they are too short to be essays.

Why do Paladins make bad secret agents?

Because they always blow their Cover when things get dicey. *badum-tiss!*


Why don't Summoners ever get invited to good parties?

Because people think they Ruin everything. *badum-tiss!*


Why did the Sahagin cross the waves?

To get to the other tide. *badum-tiss!*


Why can BLMs cross-class Physick but not Cure?

Because the White Mage is always trying to keep da Black Mage down! *badum-tiss!*


Why don't women want WARs in the bedroom?

Because they run out of TP doing foreplay and their Inner Beast only lasts six seconds. *badum-tiss!*


Why couldn't the WHM use AOE heals after the tank died once?

His Medica License was revoked for malpractice! *badum-tiss!*

Your chocobo is so fat I mistook it for your Moma! :O

What is the definition of "pissed off?"
A lalafell with a yo-yo.

Atma

/10chars

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pantz

Atma

/10chars

---

You need to change "/10chars"
to "drop mic"

cause that just owned this thread

I called out Stinging Sophie for my party.

A random person runs up shortly after and asks why I'm not fighting it.

I respond: I wait for Bs.

ba-dum tss

Oldie but goodie, and usable for just about any game out there:

You know you've played A Realm Reborn too much when the microwave goes ding and you yell "Grats!"

A Bard walks into a bar. Everyone was mute.

Why do dragoons have jumps?
So they can hit the floor at higher speeds.

Garuda Hard mode.

Why its always miqo'te girls we save in quests?

Because we are rewarded with p*ssy!

A group of four Miqo'te walk into Copperbell Mines

It was a GIANT CATastrophee

New Housing available!

You cannot connect to the game.

Finally login.

All housing is taken.

Huh imagine that.

What is an Au Ra’s favorite instrument?

The Xaelaphone!

I love male Miqotes and Auras because they have two tails :v

<Insert necromancy joke here>

~An old tale brought back by XI for HW awhile back~

A Elvaan from Gridania, a Roegadyn from Limsa and a Hume from Uldah hop onto the airship.

As they're flying across the skies, the Roegadyn goes to the side and throws a dagger off the airship.

"By the Twelve! What was that for?" said the Elvaan.

'E have too much of them in Limsa" says the Roegadyn.

The hume joins in and throws off a pickaxe.

"We have too many of these in Uldah".

The elvaan shrugs his shoulders mildly and joins in the fray, tossing the healer cane off the edge.

"The Twelveswood needs not more of these I'm afraid" replies the Elvaan.

Not knowing what to do, the Ishgardian soldier starts panicking. Looks off to his left, picks up the Dragoon and throws him off the edge.

The three company soldiers jaws drop. "Seven 'ells, what was that for!?" says the Roegadyn.

"We have an abundance of these in Ishgard. It's fine" nods the Ishgardian soldier

One potato pushed another potato off of a cliff, when the third caught the act he asked, "What are you doing?!" His response was, OMG! Lala fell!"

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

A Black Mage

When do Ninjas arrive?
- Always RAITON time!

How do you call a lewd Redmage?
- A Ververt.

How do Astrologians call their new spear-card since Stormblood?
- Critney Spears

Why do SMN and SCH have books for weapons ? Because they write the best BIOgraphies

What do you call a dead party of lalas?
- Baby wipes.

Why don't Summoners and Scholars have a ranged physical attack?
- Because it's a Judge's job to throw the book at people.

Oh, I know the ultimate FFXIV joke:

The Fashion Report

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Aster_E

Oh, I know the ultimate FFXIV joke:

The Fashion Report

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You wrote "Eureka" wrong ^^.

I don't mind the Lalafells, but I'm always worried about tripping over one.

What is the more lethal weak points of a DRG ?
an AOE Indicator

The true master of Dark Knight is.... Batman !

What do you call an army of White Mage ?
A Cane Festival (Cannes Film Festival)

Why did the chocobos cross the road?


Because the jokes were better on the other side.

How do you drown a dragoon?
You put an AOE circle at the bottom of the lake.

What berry you wouldn't want to find in a bush?
A Tonberry.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Caitlyn

You wrote "Eureka" wrong ^^.

---

See, Eureka isn't so much a joke as it's a blatant insult of our time, money, energy, and patience.

What do you call a lalafell smoking pot?
Baked potato

A lalafell walks into a bar..... a culinarian throws him into a cooking pot