Crackpot Guessing Time: Let's predict job questline stories!

The point of this thread is exactly what's in the title. Something to take our focus off all the dumb soap-boxy threads lately.

Whoever is the most accurate for any given job gets, uh... Internet points?

Bard: The two totally-not-into-each-other Bards from the HW phase set up their platoon. You're dragged into the impending hilarious trainwreck, which you can see crashing from a mile away when the group quickly recruits two totally-not-into-each-other female Bards from the Ala Mhigo side into their merry band. May or may not include a scene of one of the NPCs bashing an enemy upside the head with a harp.

White Mage: Instead of the usual 'corrupted elemental aether' plot, the White Mages head out to investigate exactly where the hell all that aetherial water from Shinryu's fight with Omega went. There's just no way a freaking inland tidal wave would just disappear with no consequences besides some deaths on the Gyr Albania side.

Dark Knight
Sidurgu receives news about impending doom endangering relatives of his in the Steppes. He doesn’t want to take Rielle with him on this perilous journey, so the player assists him in finding a safe place for her. After the Big Scary Au Ra leaves, Rielle convinces the player character to join her in following her friend. We stalk him from a distance, trying to protect him by clearing up trouble from his way – dispatching enemies, shooing off moogles and wrapping his blanket properly around him as he sleeps so he doesn’t catch a cold. After a few dramatic adventures during which Rielle’s dark knight powers grow, we reach his tribe only to learn that the message he got was a ruse aiming at bringing him here so that he can be sacrificed in a summoning ritual.

We finally show ourselves to Sidurgu in a beautiful field where he is sent to pick flowers. We try to explain that the flowers are not for his sick aunt but for the sacrificial altar. However, angry with Rielle for not staying safe and with the player character for not keeping their word, he refuses to listen, beats the player character and Rielle into a pulp and storms off. After a few darkly dramatic scenes in which Rielle and the player character slash their way to Sidurgu and save him in the last moment, the Big Scary Au Ra realizes he couldn’t call this place home. He and Rielle move to Kugane not as a guardian and his charge but as two fellow dark knights to become the city’s vigilantes.