Crazy Personal Headcanons

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

That's more like it!

Also I think he was referencing Monty Python(Life of Brian), but it fell flat imo!

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Yes, it's a Month Python reference (therefore ironic) But clearly it did fall flat apart from Illmaeren. Like most FCs, those in Elai's (imaginary) FC are her friends and tend to back her up on some points of order (like the Scions being mostly useless and Elai doing all the work). I thought this was supposed to be a thread for crazy personal headcanons, not serious lore discussions?

Also I know this is the Internet, but that doesn't make me a 'he'. I am, in fact, a 'she' :)

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Originally Posted by Elladie

Yes, it's a Month Python reference (therefore ironic) But clearly it did fall flat apart from Illmaeren. Like most FCs, those in Elai's (imaginary) FC are her friends and tend to back her up on some points of order (like the Scions being mostly useless and Elai doing all the work). I thought this was supposed to be a thread for crazy personal headcanons, not serious lore discussions?

Also I know this is the Internet, but that doesn't make me a 'he'. I am, in fact, a 'she' :)

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Actually, Illmaeren is who I was referring to, by character proxy. I didn't pick up the reference from your post, at all. Seen waaaay too many Scion bashers, so read it as genuine.

And it is just the thread for that! I am by no means being serious. Not even I'm that uptight, lol. Hence the Pooh meme. Our sense of levity just isn't the same, that's all!

For realsies, no foolin'!

http://i.imgur.com/5vyHqO4.jpg

i mean i get the monty python reference, but there is still a point- wtf were the scion's doing in ARR and I am currently doing ARR for the 3rd time on my alt atm. Thancred at least did some interrogating and urianger does the paperwork but that aside i haven't seen the scions actually DO anything in ARR. Especially when dealing with the sylphs and titan.

Headcanon: the wol chews out Tataru immediately after their victory vs ifrit since they got effectively pressganged into military service because she sang their praises too loudly. Only the wol did it for the chocobo and the recruiters knew they were pressganged and so made them the equivalent of a reservist so they didn't get deployed anywhere.

The wol also only sticks around after ifrit because the scions might shed some light on the echo

edit: another headcanon- limsa born miqote are significantly better than other miqote when it comes to water since they were naturally surrounded by water when young. Other miqote...don't handle water as well if they don't want to get in. Leviathan is therefore very confusing for miqote to fight. On one hand big feesh! on the other hand water!

For me, the Hyur aren't Humans despite they look the most human of all the races of Eorzea similar to the alien race in the Guardians of the Galaxy cinematic universe aka the Xendarians.

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

Also I think he was referencing Monty Python(Life of Brian), but it fell flat imo!

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Story of my life and yes, I was.


My head cannon is he's not actually the WoL. Rather, he's a former officer in the Twin Adders who joined the Scions as an auxillary and took up adventuring after his enlistment period was up but called back into service on a temporary basis as circumstances dictate. I've pretty much hand waved Shadowbringers out of his lore and play it as "just a game". I've got no idea how Endwalker is going to affect things, so significant portions of it may also get hand-waved away.

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Originally Posted by Recon1o6

i mean i get the monty python reference, but there is still a point- wtf were the scion's doing in ARR and I am currently doing ARR for the 3rd time on my alt atm. Thancred at least did some interrogating and urianger does the paperwork but that aside i haven't seen the scions actually DO anything in ARR. Especially when dealing with the sylphs and titan.

Headcanon: the wol chews out Tataru immediately after their victory vs ifrit since they got effectively pressganged into military service because she sang their praises too loudly. Only the wol did it for the chocobo and the recruiters knew they were pressganged and so made them the equivalent of a reservist so they didn't get deployed anywhere.

The wol also only sticks around after ifrit because the scions might shed some light on the echo

edit: another headcanon- limsa born miqote are significantly better than other miqote when it comes to water since they were naturally surrounded by water when young. Other miqote...don't handle water as well if they don't want to get in. Leviathan is therefore very confusing for miqote to fight. On one hand big feesh! on the other hand water!

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Thancred was getting black out drunk and ****ing tables, except for when he helps save you from the gargoyles. That's actually why he was late to the Ifrit party /nods

Y'shtola was rehearsing her sassy assertions kinda like Winston Churchill rehearsing what he wants to say in everyday conversations.

Papalymo was giving Lyse Yda'ing lessons.

They were all heroing where they could, but they couldn't do much as they were against the threats they wanted to tackle until the WoL walked in.

I legit wonder sometimes how many Echo blessed adventurers got killed/maimed/retired early due to signing on and getting overwhelmed by the enormity of the Scions' vision. Although perhaps it was more like, they were reading all the warning signs and seeing all the bad juju across the land and trying to warn and help where they could... their ambition growing upon receiving the helping hand of Murderhobo McKillsstuff, yes even "gods."

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

Thancred was getting black out drunk and ****ing tables, except for when he helps save you from the gargoyles. That's actually why he was late to the Ifrit party /nods

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Wait... when did Goliath and the rest show up? I mean I could dig me some Goliath, Lexington, Bronx... maybe even Detective Maza.

My WoL keeps a running tally of 'gods' killed. Everytime someone used auracite in Bozja and bragged of having the power of a god, she would just smirk as if to say "You don't say"

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Originally Posted by Shadotterdan

My WoL keeps a running tally of 'gods' killed. Everytime someone used auracite in Bozja and bragged of having the power of a god, she would just smirk as if to say "You don't say"

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im pretty certain that's just an extension of canon

"I'll kill your god if I must. Maybe even if I don't" -optional dialogue choice the wol gets in stormblood. which implies that the wol keeps track of their deicide antics whether that be "they make good practice" or "gods are fun to fight" or "fuck the gods they're all dicks at some point" or "I wonder what shiny weapon I can turn this one into"

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Originally Posted by Rannie

Wait... when did Goliath and the rest show up? I mean I could dig me some Goliath, Lexington, Bronx... maybe even Detective Maza.

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:P I think those Gargoyles woulda made short work of Thancred, honestly. I mean, you've seen Goliath. Talk about a chad!

Now that you mention it though... I could very much see David Xanatos as being on the Ul'dah Syndicate.

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

:P I think those Gargoyles woulda made short work of Thancred, honestly. I mean, you've seen Goliath. Talk about a chad!

Now that you mention it though... I could very much see David Xanatos as being on the Ul'dah Syndicate.

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And Demona getting side tracked by Dragons due to a misunderstanding.

You know Xanatos would have been the one to get Teledji killed just because A) he could, B) he'd hate the Lala and C) for the Lulz.

Also just imagine the fun he and Lolorito would have had.

I'm sorry if any of these have already been said in other posts since I didn't read the rest of threat past the 3-4th page but here's mine.

-The reason Bio/Miasma spells (soon to just be SCH's Bio spells) work on inorganic creatures/objects is because the spell itself isn't inflicting a disease but is essentially scrambling the internal aether of an object, this effect just happens to manifest in organic creatures as disease like effects.

-Cid and Nero absolutely where a thing once. Now they're the bickering divorced couple that occasionally has too many drinks and make "terrible mistakes"

-I used to headcanon that a Scholar could use their faeries to spy and see distance objects for them, not unlike little camera drones. It was an extension of a headcanon I had back when Selene used to be able to silence targets, so a Scholar could essentially use their Selene faeries to sneak to the backline and cripple the mage artillery.

Whatever the rules governing souls are, they for some reason saw fit to grant Tataru's wilful runaway carbuncle one.

The reason why there's two Ragnaroks after the msq? Well if we remember what happened at the absolute horizon point on hte map, its entirely possible that the second one was made as a result of that. The loporrits according to jammingway simply connected their teleporters.

Endwalker spoilers ahead

After playing through the

Elpis quests in EW, my headcanon is that the reason for Emet's grumpiness and general dislike of relationships is because he was once involved with Venat during "his misspent youth" (back when she still held the seat of Azem) but of course, it all went badly and he's never moved on from that, also explaining why he took such an interest in the WoL in ShB, and is also annoyed at them in Elpis, seeing this person with the soul of his ex's successor and protege is a bitter reminder of those wounds that still sting 12000 years later (that's the problem when you touch the sun, you're inevitably going to be burned. ;))

Of course Hythlodaeus knows about it and cannot help but gently tease him about it, which only adds to the grumpiness.

;)

And, linked with that, I pictured my WoL actually calling Emet "Mr Grumpy" while in

Elpis (hey, she had to try and get a little back from everyone calling her a familiar).

;)

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Originally Posted by Enkidoh

Endwalker spoilers ahead

After playing through the

Eplis quests in EW, my headcanon is that the reason for Emet's grumpiness and general dislike of relationships is because he was once involved with Venat during "his misspent youth" (back when she still held the seat of Azem) but of course, it all went badly and he's never moved on from that, also explaining why he took such an interest in the WoL in ShB, and is also annoyed at them in Eplis, seeing this person with the soul of his ex's successor and protege is a bitter reminder of those wounds that still sting 12000 years later (that's the problem when you touch the sun, you're inevitably going to be burned. ;))

Of course Hythlodaeus knows about it and cannot help but gently tease him about it, which only adds to the grumpiness.

;)

And, linked with that, I pictured my WoL actually calling Emet "Mr Grumpy" while in

Eplis (hey, she had to try and get a little back from everyone calling her a familiar).

;)

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Hmmm mmmmmm

who'd have thought... Emet is a cougar hunter lol

The man is a well of mysteries and contradictions. I want to know about his misspent youth as well!

My headcanon for the aether compass is that I moved it to a convenient pocket. I actually had no idea it existed before and thought you were just supposed to find the "currents" on your own. I didn't know it was still in my inventory after all this time.

Still trying to formulate headcanon for people on market board who hoard and mark up leather and cactus blossoms.

Mostly silly things relating to Elpis. A touch of lewdness in a joke or two.

Some Unsundered Etheirysians wear glasses to be stylish, but they do serve a practical purpose. Rather than correcting something as banal as myopia in a paradise setting, they correct poor soul sight.

Azem's been called to Elpis before, to deal with unruly creations brought there from lands only he's traversed. Having been free from Amaurotine custom for so long, his mannerisms alone preoccupy the thoughts of all researchers, also contaminating the work they do on their creations.

Hades and Hythlodaeus have been best friends since childhood.

The Ancients had to start categorizing life the way they did, and develop rules for looking down on arcane constructs due to a creation magicks induced sexual revolution in their distant past. Things get really kinky when you can weave a new being for kink fulfillment every time you get curious about something, and thusly they went through a Futurama style "robosexual" apocalypse once. Aetheric Gonorrhea, the magical killer. Of course, there's no regulating transformation use in the privacy of one's own home, so that sort of thing still flies.

Childbirth is painless, but they never figured out a way past the gestation period.

Venat is a wine aunt.

One thing with a spoiler for the end, just complete shitpost.

Zenos asked for an orange slice and a cherry, because when he drank the Mothercrystal he wanted it to be a true, "Bahama Mama."

Still on Elpis,

I have a funny headcanon that while there my WoL actually took the opportunity to 'acquire' (read: steal) a number of books when no one was looking, not wanting to waste an opportunity to get actual lore from the time of the pre-Sundered world (besides, she considered herself 'rescuing them' from destruction at the hands of the then imminent original Final Days).... alas, the joke was on her when she got back to the present day.... and discovered to her chagrin that the 'Ancient books' she thought were tomes of forgotten lore, were in fact just trashy romance novels with titles like "My Creation, My Lover" or "A Familiar's Heart", or was otherwise just low-culture tripe, including Ancient smut (people wearing something other than the usual robes and masks ;)).

Annoyed and disappointed, she ended up passing them off onto Urianger as "mysterious tomes". ;)

Don't know if it's crazy but my new headcanon is souls are made up of both aether, which breaks down and gets recycled, and dynamis, which remains whole. Basically due to personal beliefs this is how i rationalize things.

Zenos is a failed experiment. In his lonliness, Emet tried to bring forth Azem by using the 13th shards soul, and use his hated grandsons child to swap the souls out. But he was deemed a failure when he felt nothing, had no memory of being Azem, and was too weak. This is why Zenos can see the final days and feels no happiness for anything, it's not the real Zenos.

Basically FFXIVs version of Kuja while we're Zidane. The right one.

Because of the midnight snack comment said by Cleretic... I can now so totally see Hythlodaeus helping Azem with the concept for Ifrita all just to save those delicious grapes that Azem shared with him one day. It was after they helped some poor grape farmer destroy a bunch of terrible insects and their horrendous plot to destroy the crop and their reward... a bunch of sweet hella delicious straight from the vine grapes (maybe even the Bacchus grapes) and he was hooked ever since. The reason Emet is so exasperated by all of this is that he never got one bite. Azem and Hythlodaeus ate them all!!

Edit: or another route was Azem and Hythlodaeus ended up saving one grape for Emet because they both realized they should atleast let him have a taste. (He did help after all against the mighty insect army of doom). So they wait for him to come back (he had to freshen up a bit ya know) and give him the empty bunch with one grape hanging from the bottom. He takes it and stares at it in disbelief, his mouth hanging open slightly. However, before he could even get to try THAT grape a bird swoops down or some animal jumps up and snatches that one last ripe delicious juicy looking grape and makes a mad dash with it... thus denying Emet-Selch the pleasure and causing him to be salty over it for years to come.... The birth of Mr Grumpy...

Fray is a very small primal.

Pocket-sized really. He doesn't take up much aether at all....please let us keep him

Emet and Venat having dated makes some sense. Anyway my head cannon is that the Ancients don't own any swim wear so even if there are things like hot springs they just let their aquatic creations use them. That is unless they do have swim wear but it's in the style of those one pieces from the early 1900s.

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Originally Posted by SannaR

Emet and Venat having dated makes some sense. Anyway my head cannon is that the Ancients don't own any swim wear so even if there are things like hot springs they just let their aquatic creations use them. That is unless they do have swim wear but it's in the style of those one pieces from the early 1900s.

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1910s/20s architecture and jazz, 1910s/20s swimwear. Makes sense.

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Originally Posted by SannaR

Emet and Venat having dated makes some sense. Anyway my head cannon is that the Ancients don't own any swim wear so even if there are things like hot springs they just let their aquatic creations use them. That is unless they do have swim wear but it's in the style of those one pieces from the early 1900s.

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I know it's 20 to 30 years prior, but this made me imagine them riding Penny Farthing bicycles.

When Rammbroes became an Archon, he planned to have his Archon tattoo on his face like his idol Louisoix. Somewhat drunk on the way to the tattoo artist, he instead got into an argument and took up a dare from then precocious brat Papalymo, and that is why the tattoo is on his head instead and why he now has to keep his head shaved. This incident embarrassed Papalymo more than Rammbroes, and Papalymo never spoke of it again. Rammbroes, of course, went out of his way to tell Yda years later.

Given the 20s Art Deco stylings, the Ancients in my head canon had a particularly tense debate over one specific topic.

Prohibition.

After all a drunk Ancient would be a mighty threat indeed.

Azem accepted the Convocation position as to travel as far away from Amaurot as possible as often as possible as to have the freedom to be able to shed those excruciatingly ugly and ill-fitting robes and wear garments without being judged as childish or fermenting resentment and jealousy in others, only bothering with the mask and robe when having to return for government meetings. It's why the Warriors of Light care about glamour both in-game and meta (true endgame jokes, also every and any fantasia usage) and are constantly doing tasks or fights solely for appearance items, and why every time the WoL applies a new glamour plate, that piece of their soul that is Azem is singing with joy.

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Originally Posted by Denishia

Azem accepted the Convocation position as to travel as far away from Amaurot as possible as often as possible as to have the freedom to be able to shed those excruciatingly ugly and ill-fitting robes and wear garments without being judged as childish or fermenting resentment and jealousy in others, only bothering with the mask and robe when having to return for government meetings. It's why the Warriors of Light care about glamour both in-game and meta (true endgame jokes, also every and any fantasia usage) and are constantly doing tasks or fights solely for appearance items, and why every time the WoL applies a new glamour plate, that piece of their soul that is Azem is singing with joy.

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I like the idea of Azem taking every opportunity to transform, making them basically a nudist in the Ancient world.

Whatever tribe of Tree people summoned Sephirot... They knew the roots of our world, and as such, so does Sephirot. I mean, dang, look at those lyrics. They're practically penned by an Ascian-Ancient that knew the truth and was salty about it!

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

Whatever tribe of Tree people summoned Sephirot... They knew the roots of our world, and as such, so does Sephirot. I mean, dang, look at those lyrics. They're practically penned by an Ascian-Ancient that knew the truth and was salty about it!

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You mean the new world didn't... grow on them? ... yeah I'll just leave... it at that and see myself out...

Or I just could be barking up the wrong puns =P

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Originally Posted by Vyrerus

Whatever tribe of Tree people summoned Sephirot... They knew the roots of our world, and as such, so does Sephirot. I mean, dang, look at those lyrics. They're practically penned by an Ascian-Ancient that knew the truth and was salty about it!

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Meanwhile Zurvan worshippers are busy wondering which one of them introduced the weird bug bottom into their summoning.

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Originally Posted by Denishia

Azem accepted the Convocation position as to travel as far away from Amaurot as possible as often as possible as to have the freedom to be able to shed those excruciatingly ugly and ill-fitting robes and wear garments without being judged as childish or fermenting resentment and jealousy in others, only bothering with the mask and robe when having to return for government meetings. It's why the Warriors of Light care about glamour both in-game and meta (true endgame jokes, also every and any fantasia usage) and are constantly doing tasks or fights solely for appearance items, and why every time the WoL applies a new glamour plate, that piece of their soul that is Azem is singing with joy.

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Originally Posted by EaraGrace

I like the idea of Azem taking every opportunity to transform, making them basically a nudist in the Ancient world.

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Oh goddess, that is so my headcanon now! And, playing on that headcanon, now I have an idea of Azem showing up one day at the Capitol in Amaurot for an important Convocation meeting.... maskless and wearing a business suit (and for extra hilarity, what we would consider a very conservative business suit style with low below-the-knee skirt hem and button-up shirt if wearing a skirtsuit), prompting shocked gasps and glares from everyone else. I can even picture this exchange:

Azem (rocks up in the business suit): "Well, what do you think about my new creation? It's rather fetching on me don't you think?" (starts doing the '/examineself' emote)
Convocation member (lets make it Lahabrea simply because I hate him and imagine him to be ever the stickler for 'decorum', especially as he's the Convocation's Speaker and all): "Azemmmm.... what... is that you are wearing?"
Convocation member 2: "Why don't you go and put something respectable on?"
Azem: "But I like this! And, everyone I met since I arrived back in Amaurot seems to like it too, from all the comments of encouragement I got in the street. I think I might be onto something big!"
(Everyone else glares and mutters to each other)
Azem (grinning wildly): "Besides, the cities across the pond already dress like this so, you don't want to be seen as behind the times don't you?" :D
(Lahabrea says nothing but is clearly glaring daggers at the young rapscalion.) ;)
(Azem snaps their fingers and heads into the chamber) "Okay lets go everyone! Time keeps ticking and all!"
(Lahabrea shakes his head and mutters, then sighs wearily) "..... We're just not getting through to that one..."
(Emet chuckles and sighs) "Well do you expect any different from one in their seat, especially given who their predecessor was? Urgh, I guess it's an 'Azem thing'..."

I imagine Azem was such a troll to authority... (and yet was in authority). ;)

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Originally Posted by Enkidoh

I imagine Azem was such a troll to authority... (and yet was in authority). ;)

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I can now only imagine Azem as Bartz from FFV, and am not disappointed in the slightest.

Scholar: *talks about legendary weapons*
Azem: "Twelve Legendary Weapons?"
Scholar: "Azem Azem Azem, I swear you do this to spite me. Yes, the Twelve Legendary Weapons. They are Legendary. They are Weapons. There are even Twelve of them."

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Originally Posted by EaraGrace

Given the 20s Art Deco stylings, the Ancients in my head canon had a particularly tense debate over one specific topic.

Prohibition.

After all a drunk Ancient would be a mighty threat indeed.

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Building off this, Azem proves the validity of this concern. Often. He/she loved grapes for a reason. lol

Also makes me wonder how many of the problems they had to solve were the result of drunken creation now.

Another crazy, retroactive, Azem headcanon/weird theory I've just realized - the summoning animation for Ifrit even back in 1.0 started with the sun becoming eclipsed by the moon (which Ifrit then bursts out of in a fireball) - given that we already knew back in ARR that Lahabrea was the Paragon who instructed the amal'jaa how to summon, and what we now know about Ifrit being based on his ancient Ifrita fire spirit concept, I wonder if the reason for the eclipse in the summoning was by his design as a deliberate slap in the face towards the memory of the former Convocation member whose symbol was the sun, and whom 'borrowed' Ifrita without his permission for their infamous volcanic excursion 12000 years previously!

If so, then cue the irony - the one who ended up felling Ifrit had the soul of Azem all along and did not even realize that they were being personally attacked by Ifrit's summoning process being a coded insult towards them!

Of course, it's all just circumstancial, but I think it's such a deliciously hilarious jeer I kind of want it to be true. :p (Really, I just want my headcanon about Azem and Lahabrea hating each other to be confirmed and just like the idea of Lahabrea being consumed by his feud with them that he would be that petty. :D).

Ok so crazy headcanon... the game even with Endwalker is STILL a better love story than Twilight. <_< >_> :D

I'll be in the corner now waiting for my hot chocolate....

The newest headcanon that I made just this morning with absolutely zero proof is that the moons are linked together across all shards. Which is why when we see the ascians bring Cyella, Unukalhai, and Ardbert across the rift to influence another shard it's always on the surface of the moon. That the teleporter isn't just for travel to and from the surface. And, why in one of the more recent lore Q&A's SE was cagey about talking further about the celestial bodies.