I know how to play my role. I don't need you to tell me.
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Everyone should know how aggro bars next to names work especially.... Everyone.
When the bar NEXT TO YOUR name is full white then you're at the top of that mobs sh:tlist.
I tanked all the way to EXs before I was told what it is but it can be a great tool for everyone, including as a marker for dps to know when to jump in.
Even Flash enmity scales with weapon ilvl, so go get that relic done!
So, it all boils down (to me) to how my gear compares to the tank's. If we're about equal, I'd have to work to steal it. If he outgears me, I'd have to work rather hard to steal it, if at all. If I outgear him by enough, though, then I have to sit on abilities (especially early in an encounter) or pop Quelling. Of course, if we're talking about trash, Quelling won't be up on every group, so I'm going to have to watch it either way.
I'm a BLM main, and can't say I've had unwanted aggro up to this point (if we exclude of course situations like having a fresh new tank who doesn't know about Flash yet, etc.). What I usually do is wait for provoke or flash or WAR swings to be used before I cast anything, and then I always keep my eyes on my enmity bar next to my name in the party list. If I see I'm approaching the tank's enmity level, I slow down my spells. That's it.
People who get hate (again, excluding those special cases with fresh new tanks who still have to learn) are usually too eager to deal damage, and won't wait for the first enmity ability to be used before they cast (my favorite is the one who casts/shoots just after Shield Lob/Tomahawk, before the mob even arrives in the tank's melee range, and derail the monster's route), and/or don't check their enmity bar.
There is also this strange belief among some DPSs that your task is to get aggro off the tank and that if the mob turns to look at you, you're super cool. Strange world.
He's saying that if he still gets hate from tanks he will back off from weaponskills for a bit and let tank catch up with enmity. It's not that hard to understand. He's by far smarter than those DPSs who after getting hate from tank will keep bashing with their combos without doing minimal effort to lose the mob's attention. Like those lovely bards who start running in circles, jumping and shooting and forcing the tank to chase them around like an headless chicken.
On trash mobs you may as well just stand next to the tank until they're reclaimed the mob's attention. If you're not going to die and the healer isn't stressed because of it, it's no big deal.
Bosses are normally a different story.
In any case you shouldn't really have threat issues with Quelling Strikes active though.