A Storyteller’s Point of View on Final Fantasy XIV

Everything has an aetheric signature btw so I'm sure someone would know if the mask was different. I know that doesn't tend to get talked about a lot in the game. What enemies are you expecting to somehow slip into town? There's only two that I can think of that would be capable and only one of those is active at this point in the game. No one is going to mistake a Quirirn or an Ixal as a friendly. Heck the one race that loves to use illusion magic hasn't been introduced yet and has no real reason to go into Gridania propper. I still disagree on Yda, Papalymo and the other two you'd of been introduced to if you had chosen a starter job that started in the other two cities. Kan-E Senna might look as though she's only in her teens, but she is fully capable of defending herself.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

you almost hit the nail on the head here. when a book pulls off the sense of urgency properly, the reader finds themselves wanting to continue reading intil that urgency is resolved. they aren't morally obligated, but a well-written sense of urgency will make it hard for them to pull away from the book.

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Not always, something that is urgent to the characters in a Novel are or are meant to be urgent to the reader. to me, it just means its the priority for the character.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

To me, the author insert is a character(s) whose sole purpose seems to be to remind the main character they aren’t that important. That there are better people out there doing better work. In fan fiction, those will be called Marie Sues.
(...)
While I expect most here will disagree with how I feel, that is how Yda and Papalymo come across to me most of the time they show up

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I'm sorry to tell you but they are neither of those two things and just because they haven't been explored doesn't mean they are Mary Sues, they're more of doing this to pick your curiosity. probably what you are looking for to express them might be Plot Armor, rather than Mary Sue or Author/Self-insert.

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Kan-E Senna might look as though she's only in her teens, but she is fully capable of defending herself.

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Agreed.

I dont think our OP knows what Kan-E-Senna is or how old she is either. The part about Yda and Papalymo made me laugh.

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I'm not saying the game has to do that. I simply think that it is weak storytelling to simply tell me 'care' when a handful of quests could have shown me why the mask is so precious.

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Timbermaster Beatin already told you why in one line of text, rather than a handful of quests. Im going to ask again, do you read quest text or just skip it?

Re the mask, you will notice that when you wake up, its gone, the one you keep is a replica, a copy..the game doesnt say that other than in a tacit manner.

The mask you were given has a specific ( as was pointed out ) aetheric signature, the copy does not.

OP for the record, I have done MSQ start to finish 4 or 5 times, pre AND post changes, so I am familiar with all of it. I am not sure why you think Yda and Papalymo are "inserts", where you are right now is the introductory phase and little else.

Any quests "showing us why the mask is so precious" would have had to replace quests showing us what we did to earn the right to wear it at the ceremony.

Half your complaints are basic RPG quest structure issues, not FFXIV story issues. A shop that resells quest items (in a game you can't quit and reset) is one of them. The average townsperson isn't going to be able to buy the sacred mask from them; you can't either until you own it for real, and even then, the average player isn't going to check that shop inventory between quests. If you have to repurchase the mask, you've already gone outside the bounds of the story by losing it in the first place – you canonically would not have lost it, just like you wouldn't be able to buy a replica with its sacred enchantments intact.

And in broader terms, no an author insert (character directly representing the author) is not the same thing as a Mary Sue (character written to be awesome at everything). The two things can overlap but the terms are not interchangeable.

I knew exactly what to expect from the thread title but I still read it all and withered and aged 1000 years. Listing the events of a sidequest isn't literary analysis, it's 13 pages of secondhand EFAP.

Ok pause. Why would you want or anybody else want to pad acquiring the ceremony item when it's not supposed to be this hard sought out key item thing? The mask is literally a formality thing.

This game already has enough padding bits, there's no need to do such for every single quest.

I just realized they said "Marie-Sue" lmao

(https://ffxiv.consolegameswiki.com/w...ridanian_Envoy)

We are tasked with delivering a missive to 2 allies.

My main issue with the story here is the same as the previous one. They all treat me as if I did great things when I didn’t.

While I am in flight, we get a cut scene about the imperials, and… well, other than I’m not sure how Dantie knows any of that, it’s fine.

I’m not a fan of ‘omniscient narrator’ in stories. To me, narration should remain relevant to what is happening in the moment; and now is not when Dantie is dealing with the empire.

Once in Limsa Lominsa, we are spoken to by Admiral Merlwyb Blowdyswyn and given backstory.

We then fly to Ul’dah, and thankfully there is no in-flight movie this time.

We deliver our missive, get more back story, and we are done.

This feels like it is the conclusion of part 1 of whatever the story is.

As for the back story information we get. While I am certain it is something that will come into play at some point, I have no idea if I’ll remember any of that by the time I get there. Not only will time pass as I play the game, but I can only play a certain amount of time each day, so that will put this cut scene ever further. I think the story would be better served by providing the information closer to the related events. The character’s vision power would be a convenient way to provide it.

Or, quests could be constructed, where, as part of completing them, we would learn more and more about the troubles the empire has caused and hinting at what is to come.

Like I said, 2012 AO3 subpar author with 2000 kudos on their weirdly long PwP that turns into plot.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

Marie Sues.

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I guess nobody is taking this 'professional' writer seriously after this, right? One of many, many spelling mistakes or errors.

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They all treat me as if I did great things when I didn’t.

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Again, you arent reading quest text.

You are the personal envoy to the head of state, a position and an honour almost NEVER granted to a common adventurer. In each city, you are the personal representative of a city state, akin to a damned AMBASSADOR..to put it in perspective, it would be like an ordinary citizen being selected to be the envoy for the entire of New South Wales to a nationwide ceremony.

You are a mercenary. A sellsword. A silver dagger. Being chosen as the personal envoy of Gridania is almost unheard of. Your name is known by the Seedseers, you will meet the Admiral and the Sultana of Uldah, again a high honour.

Amongst your deeds, you saved the Guardian tree, which the Ixal may well have destroyed, or had you not realised its significance?

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Or, quests could be constructed, where, as part of completing them, we would learn more and more about the troubles the empire has caused and hinting at what is to come.

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You already did that quest.

Carteneau. The Calamity.

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Originally Posted by PirateRyanG

I guess nobody is taking this 'professional' writer seriously after this, right? One of many, many spelling mistakes or errors.

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https://c.tenor.com/X4xOzCjHurIAAAAC...hold-laugh.gif

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Originally Posted by kindar1

(https://ffxiv.consolegameswiki.com/w...ridanian_Envoy)

We are tasked with delivering a missive to 2 allies.

My main issue with the story here is the same as the previous one. They all treat me as if I did great things when I didn’t.

While I am in flight, we get a cut scene about the imperials, and… well, other than I’m not sure how Dantie knows any of that, it’s fine.

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imagine that, saving a tree the Gridanians consider massively important, central to their entire region, and you are just bumbling adventurer. obviously you skipped the parts where they explained the importance of the tree. thats okay, the "author inserts" likely distracted you.

the imperials, ah yes... the enemy of the Eorzean people, or did you miss that too?

ever heard of.. a writing technique thats used, its called... foreshadowing... or do you disapprove of that as well? or maybe its to let you know that other things are going on in your little world that may require you later? I am sure your stories are all about your main character. nothing ever happens ANYWHERE else. things just pop up when you need them to, and no need to foreshadow or mention things happening outside the view of your character.

at this point, I am not really sure what you are criticizing to be honest. its like you are watching a movie, but only paying attention to... I dont know... the lighting

Kes: Mother Miounne's reaction alone tipped me off the very first time that this was a HUGE deal. She reads the letter and almost falls over, I cant find the quest text right now, but as I recall she more or less said that having someone who wasnt even Gridanian appointed as envoy was a shock.

I have to say I think OP isnt reading quest text. At all.

Heres Raubahn ( Ul'dah as starting zone)

"Why you? Because your deeds mark you out as the nearest thing I have to a Warrior of Light. I can think of none more worthy of the role." Coming from him? That is is high praise indeed.

The General is not easily impressed.

He then hands you a letter giving you authority to use the airships, a rare privilege granted ONLY when necessary and no more

Momodi is delighted, and notes that what you have been given is a huge honour.

"Not many people get to go on airships" ( Note to OP: this as well is a mark of respect, airship travel is HEAVILY restricted )

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Originally Posted by VelKallor

Kes: Mother Miounne's reaction alone tipped me off the very first time that this was a HUGE deal. She reads the letter and almost falls over, I cant find the quest text right now, but as I recall she more or less said that having someone who wasnt even Gridanian appointed as envoy was a shock.

I have to say I think OP isnt reading quest text. At all.

Heres Raubahn ( Ul'dah as starting zone)

"Why you? Because your deeds mark you out as the nearest thing I have to a Warrior of Light. I can think of none more worthy of the role." Coming from him? That is is high praise indeed.

The General is not easily impressed.

He then hands you a letter giving you authority to use the airships, a rare privilege granted ONLY when necessary and no more

Momodi is delighted, and notes that what you have been given is a huge honour.

"Not many people get to go on airships" ( Note to OP: this as well is a mark of respect, airship travel is HEAVILY restricted )

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for a writer/"storyteller" reading must have been an overlooked skill.

but I agree, Mother's reaction to a non lettered non professional author like myself, seemed like it was intended to be a great honour. but I didnt have anything to go on but, well, reading, I am sure the OP has many more mental tools at their disposal than a no one like myself

Found it

Paraphrased

"Appointed personal envoy?"And now you bear Elder Seedseers missive to our allies....well it seems youve made an impression on the great woman...short of a Warrior of Light, I can imagine no better adventurer to represent us, and that my lad is some compliment...

From this alone, we can see what was implied, in each city the dialogue emphasises who you are, what you have done to earn this honour.

Note that line: "short of a Warrior of Light", OP i I were you id go back to the opening cinematic, and see for yourself just WHO you are being compared with.

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Originally Posted by PirateRyanG

I guess nobody is taking this 'professional' writer seriously after this, right? One of many, many spelling mistakes or errors.

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That's not something to hold against him. Professional writers make plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes. That's why they use spelling/grammar correction software and have others proofread their works.

His problem is he's subjecting a video game story to a literary technique analysis. Video game stories are not literature and should not be treated as such.

I had been hoping to just hear whether he enjoyed the story as someone who loves to write stories but that's not what we're getting so I'm at the point I'm just going to ignore the thread.

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Originally Posted by Jojoya

That's not something to hold against him. Professional writers make plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes. That's why they use spelling/grammar correction software and have others proofread their works.

His problem is he's subjecting a video game story to a literary technique analysis. Video game stories are not literature and should not be treated as such.

I had been hoping to just hear whether he enjoyed the story as someone who loves to write stories but that's not what we're getting so I'm at the point I'm just going to ignore the thread.

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Yeah his approach at this point is very much flawed. This is no way trying to invalidate him not enjoying the story.

However trying to analyze a work that wasn't intended for a particular format like a novel isn't going to give you desired results.

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Originally Posted by Jojoya

That's not something to hold against him. Professional writers make plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes. That's why they use spelling/grammar correction software and have others proofread their works.

His problem is he's subjecting a video game story to a literary technique analysis. Video game stories are not literature and should not be treated as such.

I had been hoping to just hear whether he enjoyed the story as someone who loves to write stories but that's not what we're getting so I'm at the point I'm just going to ignore the thread.

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Correct. I am a professional writer myself (not a self-published author), but he doesn't know the name of a literary technique that he is trying to discuss, and he is comparing two different storytelling formats as if they are the same. Video game writing is always going to be different from writing a novel. A lot of his criticism seems to be aimed at things he is ignoring in the game too.

Well it WAS fun to read this for a bit because this...uh..."Story Writer" sucks as a writer...but now it's just getting sad.

I thought that here would be a good place to pause and explain how I am approaching my look at Final Fantasy 14

I understand video games will tell a story differently than novels, just like a movie and TV will. Just like visual novels and web novels. Each medium will approach storytelling in its own way.

But the thing is, that they are all telling stories. And stories have conventions that the person consuming them expects to be respected. They don’t have to be respected. Sometimes, not respecting them leads to masterpieces no one ever thought could be made.

Most of the time, it leads to some level of disappointment.

I am only looking at storytelling because that is what I enjoy in any medium where telling a story is present. Game mechanics aren’t something I pay attention to unless they get in the way of me enjoying the game.

One of the core conventions of a story is the plot.

The plot is what drives the story. It is the reason the story exists. Something needs to happen. That something is the plot. It can be simple, it can be complex, but it should be.

I see the plot of a story as the trunk of a tree, where the branches are the subplots connected to it. There can be unconnected subplots, they are saplings growing around this trunk; other trunks, with their own branches. Some branches from one trunk might even intertwine with another. But, if a subplot is important to the plot, it should be directly connected to this trunk in some fashion.

The MSQ is the plot of FF14. There may be other plots around it, sub and otherwise, but since nothing can be unlocked without going through the MSQ, that makes it the plot. What this means to me is that any quest that has information that is important to the plot needs to be connected to the MSQ and any that doesn’t should be turned into a side quest. Anytime a viewer has to tell me, “oh, you need to go there and go through that quest to understand what’s happening here” I consider it a failure of FF14’s storytelling.

The plot must also make the person consuming the media want to continue to consume it. Books with boring plots get set aside and are rarely finished.

MMOs benefit in that they appeal to a variety of people. The gamer probably doesn’t give the storytelling much thought, but I expect they can go on for hours about that one mechanic in the game that bugs them.

A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening. That information doesn’t need to come all at once. Actually, it should be sprinkled throughout the story, but it must come in time for me to make sense of those two strangers who barged in on my adventure, make comments, and just leave. Especially if they add nothing to what happened.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening. That information doesn’t need to come all at once. Actually, it should be sprinkled throughout the story, but it must come in time for me to make sense of those two strangers who barged in on my adventure, make comments, and just leave. Especially if they add nothing to what happened.

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That information literally will be coming to you though, and it won’t take that much longer from where you’re at now. You say information should be sprinkled throughout the story, and it has been. The problem I’ve seen in your posts so far is that you don’t really seem to have the patience to wait for it and it comes across a lot like you expect all the information to be given to you at once. You also completely gloss over a lot of the cutscenes that do foreshadow things that will happen later or give other information without any real acknowledgement of them. If you want to look at the storytelling imo you’re honestly going about it in the most boring and bare bones way possible.

I was just gonna say, OP explained that he wants that info sprinkled out and explained in due time yet he's being impatient believing that the relevance and info wont be resurfaced again?

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A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening

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It does as has been pointed out earlier., I ask again..are you reading quest text.

I saw this at the start

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That no one remembers precisely what happened, or who stopped it.

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Wrong. They remember who stopped it, they remember the battle, they remember Louisoix, they remember Carteneau, they cant remember the faces of the Warriors of Light.

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is that somehow, we are from a place that never heard of the calamity happening. That feels odd,

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No. Who we are will be revealed later but this is wrong.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening. That information doesn’t need to come all at once. Actually, it should be sprinkled throughout the story, but it must come in time for me to make sense of those two strangers who barged in on my adventure, make comments, and just leave. Especially if they add nothing to what happened.

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Here's a concept: introducing something the audience doesn't fully understand at the time, then revealing the significance of it later. They are supposed to be unfamiliar and confusing in that first scene. It sets up a question in the audience's mind that will be answered when they get further into the plot.

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Originally Posted by VelKallor

No. Who we are will be revealed later but this is wrong.

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No, nothing ever gets revealed about "who we are" – our personal character deliberately gets no backstory ever.

Our soul is special, but that says nothing directly about us, besides possibly base-level personality.

It does always feel slightly contrived (and increasingly difficult to believe as we explore the wider world) that we apparently need the concept of aether explained to us as if there are places where it would be unfamiliar despite being as common as atoms. It's like they intended to go the route that you just literally woke up in this world and you're not from anywhere.

I could see aetherology being something that commonfolk would not necessarily understand given that formal education is not standardized and its most common practical application is in magicks, which go unused by most of the populace.

If you're starting as a DoM job though...then yeah, that doesn't really make sense.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening. That information doesn’t need to come all at once. Actually, it should be sprinkled throughout the story, but it must come in time for me to make sense of those two strangers who barged in on my adventure, make comments, and just leave. Especially if they add nothing to what happened.

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my guess then is that you are skipping cutscenes.

they "barge in", the short one uses some kind of device, and notes the aetheric flow is disturbed there as well, the tall one notes that sticking a sword in a stump usually leads to bad things. provides some backstory about crashing in the wrong place in their airship and causing a problem. the fact that originally you didnt mention anything about the crystal or any of the other things they provide as way of information makes me wonder how you are "critiquing" the story while seeming to miss most of it.

the story is providing, so I am curious as to why you are seeing it. you SAY it doesnt need to provide it all at once, but you seem to EXPECT that it does. especially since it is providing the breadcrumbs you say are missing....

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the short one uses some kind of device,

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Actually Papalymo I think says its an aetheric scanner, Thancred has one as well.

And Kes? I think he is skipping as well as not reading..his comments and posts reflect a huge gap in what is presented vs what he sees.

BTW this guys "novels" are 100 pages each..I aint paying to read even an excerpt to get a feel for this guys "style".

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Originally Posted by VelKallor

Actually Papalymo I think says its an aetheric scanner, Thancred has one as well.

And Kes? I think he is skipping as well as not reading..his comments and posts reflect a huge gap in what is presented vs what he sees.

BTW this guys "novels" are 100 pages each..I aint paying to read even an excerpt to get a feel for this guys "style".

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I just find it exceedingly difficult to think he isnt skipping because THAT encounter alone is where you find your first crystal, "meet" Hydaelyn, which he doesnt mention.. at all. given how much he comments on everything else, it is a very telling omission, and leans very heavily towards a "busted" moment

Exactly. I've said it a few times a lot of his posts come off as someone who isn't reading everything in a quest or doing a poor skim job. As many of the things he complains about not understanding are explained by the quests he's done. He then as others have said feels as though he expects the story to tell him the things he states the story doesn't need to provide it all at once. Then doesn't pick up on the foreshadowing or is dismissive of it due to disliking of characters.

The funny thing is he's actually met the self/author insert. Just that character(s) hasn't had much screen time or interaction in the story yet. That many would agree fit said description better than any of the four mysterious helpers that appear in each of the three city state's intros.

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Originally Posted by SannaR

Exactly. I've said it a few times a lot of his posts come off as someone who isn't reading everything in a quest or doing a poor skim job. As many of the things he complains about not understanding are explained by the quests he's done. He then as others have said feels as though he expects the story to tell him the things he states the story doesn't need to provide it all at once. Then doesn't pick up on the foreshadowing or is dismissive of it due to disliking of characters.

The funny thing is he's actually met the self/author insert. Just that character(s) hasn't had much screen time or interaction in the story yet. That many would agree fit said description better than any of the four mysterious helpers that appear in each of the three city state's intros.

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poor skim job indeed if he somehow managed to miss, and not comment on, the rather large crystal mother in the room...

yeah, the actual author insert would be maybe too obvious... since virtually gives his name lol. I mean, if you missed the crystal....

Your confusion is stemming from a few things.

First, know that the Producer/Director of the game is a fan of mystery novels and movies. He wants information to be scattered and seemingly unconnected at the beginning. The intent is for the player to gather up the pieces then start connecting them as the story continues without the story being an outright mystery itself. As much as some of the other posters seem to be unhappy that you're not picking up on things that are foreshadowing, at this point you really shouldn't be able to recognize those things as such. It's only later on that you should be going "I remember this event happened earlier. Now it makes more sense". And that's going to be much later in the MSQ. You've barely scratched the surface at this point and haven't been told what the stakes are yet.

The game is effectively a sequel to the original FFXIV that failed badly and forced Square Enix to bring in a new leadership team to rebuild it. Characters that are currently confusing to you had their roles in the original game and would be well known to those who had played it. For those who hadn't played the original like you and I, a more solid introduction to those character will be forthcoming shortly as you continue the MSQ. For now, their "in and out" appearances serves to demonstrate the somewhat secretive nature of the organization they belong to (again, you'll get more information about it soon).

It is extremely common for MMORPGs to not give the player character a specific identity. It would make no sense in a game where we're frequently in contact with other player characters to give them all the exact same backstory even if that contact mostly exists outside of the main story. I've given this character a rough backstory (she wants to forget and put an unhappy past behind her) while another of my characters has a very detailed backstory that draws on game lore explained in later expansions. It's also not unusual for the character to be awakening in a state of mild confusion or from some sort of partial amnesia as a MMORPG (or even a single player RPG) begins to give you the room needed to create the backstory. Make of the situation as you will as a story teller. The game is not interested in deciding how your character lived before "waking up" on the carriage other than to say at some point you decided to become an adventurer.

You came into the game with a specific purpose in mind but my recommendation is to put it aside for now. Instead just follow the story as someone playing the game instead of trying to pick it apart as a story writing professional. Save the latter for when you've finally gathered all those pieces together. Yes, you're going to find some flaws in it as you go along but the goal of the game isn't to be a critical masterpiece. It's to entertain. Most popular entertainment has it's moments when we must suspend disbelief and overlook the small mistakes just for the sake of enjoying what we're watching (and also doing in this case).

Be warned that the MSQ story arc that begins in ARR and finishes at the end of the Endwalker initial release content is about 300 hours long if you watch all the cutscenes and read the dialogue in full. At this point, you're only about 5 hours into that 300 hours (though it's no doubt taken you longer because you're stopping to analyze everything). I don't know long your novels are but do you really give your readers a full background on every character and location in the first 1-2% your story or do you save the more important information for later?

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Originally Posted by kindar1

The MSQ is the plot of FF14. There may be other plots around it, sub and otherwise, but since nothing can be unlocked without going through the MSQ, that makes it the plot. What this means to me is that any quest that has information that is important to the plot needs to be connected to the MSQ and any that doesn’t should be turned into a side quest. Anytime a viewer has to tell me, “oh, you need to go there and go through that quest to understand what’s happening here” I consider it a failure of FF14’s storytelling.

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You might not have considered something here. The MSQ gives you all of the information you need to understand the plot. What some sidequests do is provide extra context to the plot and allow you to see aspects of the plot from a different point of view, but you will enjoy it completely fine being ignorant of this. For example, you met a character. You don't need to know a lot about this person, just enough to know if they are a friend or an enemy, but the story often does tell you a lot about them. But a sidequest might tell you even more about them, such as about their friends and family. There are a lot of cases where information from sidequests then make its way into the MSQ if it becomes relevant again, but it doesn't always become relevant again.

Usually the sidequests that provide this level of extra information are normal raid quests, alliance raid quests, trial series quests, class/job quests, role quests, collectable quests (crafter/gatherer) and I don't think beast tribe quests are very significant but they tell you more about those tribes so you don't see them as, well, beasts.

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A story should include all the information I need to understand what’s happening. That information doesn’t need to come all at once. Actually, it should be sprinkled throughout the story, but it must come in time for me to make sense of those two strangers who barged in on my adventure, make comments, and just leave. Especially if they add nothing to what happened.

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It does include all of the information, but don't expect it to necessarily be quick. Questions are left in your mind on purpose for a very long time (multiple expansions). They are not afraid to take their time because they are not pressured to tell the story in just 3 hours like a film is.

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Originally Posted by Kes13a

I just find it exceedingly difficult to think he isnt skipping because THAT encounter alone is where you find your first crystal, "meet" Hydaelyn, which he doesnt mention.. at all. given how much he comments on everything else, it is a very telling omission, and leans very heavily towards a "busted" moment

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I had noticed that myself, and I confess was puzzled as to why it didnt even get a mention. If he IS skipping, then this entire exercise is a waste of time.

To put this in perspective, if ARR was a traditional novel, you're in chapter one (about halfway through!) of an at least 50 chapter book.

Please, do the narrative the justice it deserves and take your time, approach it like a game (the gameplay portions are at times just as, or more, important as the dialogue in cutscenes)

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Originally Posted by VelKallor

If he IS skipping, then this entire exercise is a waste of time.

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He is doing this to keep the thread relevant and on top while promoting his..."writing". So the only time wasted is ours.

Now, how about I redesign the MSQ so that it does 2 things? It hits the major points of the MSQ and makes the player feel valuable going through it.

It’s possible what I’m envisioning is not possible. I’m also not saying the people behind the game must see this and be impressed. This is nothing more than me, exploring an idea.

What is the MSQ about? Considering the ‘climax’ is the battle at the Guardian Tree, I will link the main events in the MSQ to that.

The large change I make to support the direction is to play up the Ixal incursion and the shortage of people within the militia. Where there were two or three guards there is one; and they are exhausted. The one exception is the gates to Gridania itself. I cut the militia in the camps by half. And I show them resting, healing, and training.

Close to home
I leave this quest the same overall, it serves to orient the player. I have Mother Miounne talk a little more about the incursions, but nothing that hints at the urgency that city feels. The ending is where some of the urgency comes through. Something major has happened, and she would be immensely grateful if we can help.

To the Bannock.
I rename it to “Chasing Shadows” or something hinting at hunting someone down. This time, there is no “Passing muster”. Galfrid immediately tells us there is someone in the woods up to no good. The few men he could spare before the incursion increased in intensity couldn’t find anything, so we need to take over. The last time something was reported, it was at “not the Lifemend Stump.”

Instead of going directly there, this becomes a series of investigative stops. We talk to exhausted guards. That information leads us to a tavern where someone overheard a comment that sends us to another location. We surprise brigands who have just killed an Ixal, but instead of accepting our congratulation, they attack us. When it’s over, we find out the brigands had been helping the Ixal, but got greedy. On the Ixal, we find a map, and that leads us to the Lifemend Stump.

There, the change I make is that Yda and Papalymo show up either as we’re about to lose the fight and save us, or immediately after if we didn’t need saving. They are either impressed we lasted long enough for them to arrive or at our skills. I understand the crystal represents something the way the MSQ is currently setup, but I turn it into a purple one, that evaporates into a burst of smoke to link this to the other incidents.

The cut scene doesn’t need much adjustment, just the end, Yda turns to us and says.

“I know you can’t see that sword in the stump, but you’re going to want to carefully feel around until you find it and bring it to the militia.”

We can see the sword, in fact, until she said anything we didn’t know no one else saw it. We also learn that whatever lets us see the sword, those goggles let her see it.

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Originally Posted by Renalt

He is doing this to keep the thread relevant and on top while promoting his..."writing". So the only time wasted is ours.

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Yep, you'll notice OP doesn't really respond to anyone, just keeps trucking along with their commentary. I'm impressed that people have tried to respond to specific issues the OP has mentioned when it's clear OP doesn't care.

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Originally Posted by Boblawblah

Yep, you'll notice OP doesn't really respond to anyone, just keeps trucking along with their commentary. I'm impressed that people have tried to respond to specific issues the OP has mentioned when it's clear OP doesn't care.

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OP just wants to sell furry prawn. It's clear that this is basically just a way for them to funnel eyes to their site lmao.

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Originally Posted by kindar1

snip.

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You are still failing to grasp what we are trying to explain to you.

What you're doing is equivalent to picking up The Fellowship of the Ring, reading the first couple of pages to see they're making preparations for Bilbo's and Frodo's birthday party and deciding that all of The Lore of the Rings is about hobbit birthdays. You're choosing to ignore all the subtle references to darker things occurring outside the Shire and the troubling nature of Bilbo's ring.

You can keep picking apart the introductory chapter to your heart's content but it's not accomplishing anything. You're holding yourself back from the real story.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Boblawblah

Yep, you'll notice OP doesn't really respond to anyone, just keeps trucking along with their commentary. I'm impressed that people have tried to respond to specific issues the OP has mentioned when it's clear OP doesn't care.

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Because the idea of getting his opinion about the story once he completed seemed interesting at first. I enjoy seeing the reactions of other players.

All he's done is convince me that I never want to read whatever he's written because he lacks an engaging writing style. He's far too dry, stale and technical.

Maybe the forum trolls will keep him entertained. Could someone send FireMage in here to wave a parse in his face?