is it okay to not enjoy big pulls?

If your still learning the fundamentals of tanking then stay within your comfort zone.
The best advice I can give is to learn the the layout of the instances, the route from boss to boss, where mobs are located.

Since your a DRK maybe make a macro for Living dead.
This could give you and the healer a good amount of low risk up-time while letting the healer know they need to not heal you for the 1st 10 seconds and heal your max hp within the next 10 seconds

It took me some time to adjust as well in the lv 70 dungeons on my DRK. I had full 310 gear (gathered on my SAM main), but had just gotten The Blackest Night (TBN) and wasn't entirely used to it yet. Needless to say, the first few runs I felt squishy on the mass pulls as I wasn't using TBN properly. I eventually got used to the entire DRK kit so I would say to you to just keep trying and you'll discover how to optimize eventually as well. Hardship has a way of being an excellent teacher, and even though it's a game just see it as another stepping stone in life. :)

@OP -

In dungeons I usually expect only the bare minimum from people so I won't wax elegant in gritty detail on how to min-max in this context.

But, what I will say is that you are probably playing the worst tank for a person that doesn't enjoy big pulls, since so many of DRK's abilities are directly reliant on pulling big. BP, Delirium-BP, DA-Abyssal Drain, even Quietus and TBN all directly or indirectly get more effective and functional when you pull bigger. You can pull small on DRK, but you're making the run take longer, as more than any other tank DRK's AoE DPS is gimped in smaller pulls, and then of course you need to be mindful of what DPS jobs you have with you. A lot of them are extremely effective at AoEing and will be frustrated by single-pack-pulling.

BP, if you do the math, is actually directly balanced around tanking at least 5 mobs, and most individual packs are only 3-4. Even in high end raiding or trials, in situations like Sephirot EX or O3S where there is a choice between one tank handling a single big add and the other handling a bunch of smaller adds, groups will usually elect for the DRK to handle the latter. All about the right tool for the job I suppose.

That and DRK's AoE rotation is far and away the most complicated of any of the tanks, even by DPS job standards its relatively involved. My question to you is do you enjoy the job itself more than you don't enjoy big pulls? If so, stick with it, if not, I'd highly recommend looking into WAR/PLD, as they function at far less of a deficit when pulling smaller. Both of them can AoE 70% of their resources away just as easily in a small pull as in a big one, and their means of recovering those resources don't depend on tanking a greater number of targets.

ofc its ok not wanting to take a big load.

I've been tanking off and on since ARR and I still don't like big pulls in duty finder lol it's a mixed bag of crap you may not be ready to deal with as far as your team....

If you don't do big pulls so what let them leave or kick you so you can re que in five secs while they still wait for a tank in progress which takes a while lol never let anyone dictate how you want to tank unless you are wiping the party then you need to reevaluate your process

I actually had a duty finder WHM get so angry at a returner tank in Dusk Vigil that they actually left when the tank ignored their demands to mass pull. The tank was surprised when the healer dropped, and asked us if he'd done anything wrong. We assured him that he hadn't and to keep pulling at his own pace. We dps were both melee jobs anyhow, so there would have been no advantage to big pulls besides Holy, and without Thin Air that drains mp super fast.

The next healer was much more understanding.

Most people will be understanding. As you gain confidence with holding aggro and using your cooldowns effectively, you may find it easier to pull big packs together. But take it at your pace, don't let anyone force you.

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Originally Posted by dragonseth07

Tone aside, this guy has the right of it.

Nobody likes a slacker in their group, tanks are no exception.

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How exactly are you a slacker for doing small pulls instead of grabbing half the dungeon? Also to that other person. I'm not sure what world he lives in. But maybe he should realize it's not as many as he believes thinks that way. Let's not take a personal view and claim everyone thinks that.

1. It is not a confidence thing, get this idea out of your head. It is Trust thing, if you can't trust the 3 people behind you, you aint mass pulling
2. Party Make up - Not every group as the advantage of large pulls, 2x melee is pointless, don't bother asking, use some intelligence.

The two most important people in the dungeon are the Healer and the Tank those DPS in the middle just learn to realise you are there just to make things die a bit a quicker, you do not get a say on how many the tank pulls, your sole job is to kill what he presents to you. If he is pulling moderately then he/she as a certain level of trust issues or the party make up doesn't meet the requirements in his/her mind for a mass pull.

If you have a tank and healer that know each others strengths then yes they will probably add more mobs to the mixture, but you are going into Duty Finder and this happening is low, so do not assume the tank is going to rush off and pull everything including the kitchen sink, you have 90mins on the clock and the average "slow" run will be 25mins that isnt so bad when your Timer to get into the dungeon can exceed that and some.

Let the Tank do his/her job and shut up, the more people get annoyed with tanks because of this issue the less tanks you will have in the duty finder sphere and your queues will be even longer!

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Originally Posted by Hierro

If you're gonna pull small, why bother playing a tank? Maybe it's time to leave DRK to the big boys and you keep on playing your white mage.

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Oh with big boys you mean these "pro's" who pull half of the dungeon, lose the half of their pull or just die because they didn't use a god damn cd?

Sorry but i prefer a tank who pulls smaller anytime over these "pro's".

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Originally Posted by bounddreamer

We dps were both melee jobs anyhow, so there would have been no advantage to big pulls

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Are you serious?

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Originally Posted by GDFletcher

Not every group as the advantage of large pulls, 2x melee is pointless, don't bother asking, use some intelligence.!

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Guess you're not alone.

Melee DPS have AoE skills too, you know, and some of them are pretty good.

I don't know where either of you are getting this idea that melee DPS don't benefit from large pulls (or that they benefit so much less from them than ranged or caster DPS), but you're wrong.