What usually happens is that if the original key is unclaimed then they would void it when giving a refund, that way it cannot be used or sold.
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My advice, Reading is very important and it's your mistake. So next time read ahead to make sure that everything is compatible. It's your mistake and I don't see how you are entitled to a refund.
It's a Valve issue. Unfortunately, Steam is still DRM, no matter how well developed it may be. They want to assure people continue to buy products through them, hence the restriction. It's similar to Microsoft fighting with Square Enix over whether Xbox Live should be a requirement to play FFXIV.
Few companies actually care because most people aren't going to do that. Someone who went out and bought your game obviously wants to play it. SE giving the OP a free code is good PR on their part is far more likely to keep her (or other customers) in the long term than strongarming over $40. That's literally nothing to them. The reason GMs can be hesitant is they have to go through their management department to get approval. Some may be lazy or concerned overhead won't agree with them offering a refund on the spot.