it's not always the tank. PS3 targeting doesn't help for example, when its bugged and even with enemy only filter you target carbuncle. Flicking through dozens of enemies is tough.

Sometimes you just need to let the tank built hate. Many times I threw a tomahawk only to find dps were already pounding on monsters. Also if I set a mark, it doesn't help if people are targeting other monsters so you may lose hate. Tanking could be made a lot easier for newbs, it seems you need to be skilled to be a good tank. Thankfully for me I was a wow player years ago so I know. If people steal my hate, it can be hard to re-build.

Same with healers, carbuncle makes instances harder because of bugged targeting and healers always seem to charge in with dps before tank can build hate.

We aren't wizards, and we have poor aggro moves compared to other mmorpgs. From what you described, doesn't sound like the paladin did anything wrong, so maybe it was your team.