I've never had that happen with my provoke, it either gets resisted or the mob comes back to me. But going back to what the OP said, the people he played with seemed like they were already introduced to MMO's. So while that is his own opinion, usually someone can tell if someone is brand to to the genre or just the game. In this case it might have been the game.

Also everyone has a responsibility, a DD's job is to do the most damage they can while staying alive, not to go crazy right at the get go. If the game allowed it then there would be no reason for tanks. The better the tank, the further the envelope can be pushed. FFXI taught that very well, and for those that learned it, it continues to be a valuable lesson today. For those that played easier games, because lets be honest there are a lot of easier games out there tanking wise they don't understand that.

Good players don't necessarily mean they have the best equipment, but it's understanding their roles to its fullest which means controlling your abilities and combos to sync up with the rest of the party. That's kind of why I wish weapon skills came back since it forced the DD's to line up to create awesome SC's for magic bursts. But it's not, and it sucks but oh well.

Oh and I've played with plenty of bad players, let them die and learn their mistake, you can tell someone so many times. If they don't listen that's on them, not you. Do whats best for the party, not the individual.