I've had experiences like the OPs on many occasions. I saw a DRG on stream who said "I like to start every fight with blood for blood and Dragonfire dive". He's front loading with burst damage because WoW taught players that tanks have unlimited threat gen. Good players will listen to the feedback you give them when you explain how it is and unfortunately the bads will just say "lol" and keep on being an assclown.
I get frustrated when I go into a multi-mob pull by tossing out a flash and my crappy AoE that's on a 25 second CD and the DPS go ham on the focus target. I aim to gain solid threat on the primary target, which causes the secondary targets to instantly aggro on the healer. Typically not the healers fault, just as result of the DPS rolling their face on the keyboard as soon as the pull begins. Sometimes the healers do silly things like toss out a heal before I even hit a mob, but I feel it's fair to give them the benefit of the doubt as their job can be difficult.