Well, got the card, activated, no problems. Tried to go to Ultimate Game Card's route specifically (SE is sucking so bad right now, figured I'd avoid any SE related system at all costs), but NOPE! Select FFXIV, and it links you straight to account management. Went through various processes of adding Crysta, be it through SEAM, Mog center and whatnot. Once I finished the process, I got slapped in the face with a big ol:

"We're sorry, your payment has been declined. If you feel this is in error, please contact us."

Contact you I shall, and I have. Awaiting response, but I anticipate hearing back, say.... Monday.

I've decided Square Enix is like that lover that gives you an incredible breath of life one night, then snubs you and doesn't return your calls the next.