Quote Originally Posted by Minahirion View Post
I have decided to catalog my journey to enter the wonderous world of Eorzea. I got home from work, had some water along with my meal of simple proteins and veggies. Once my ravenous hunger was sated, I sat down in my executive computer chair, perfect for long sessions of sweet love to Eorzea herself, and logged in to the game at approximately 8:30pm. Pick my character and I enter the world. However I am met with resistance! The world is currently full! "Well that's no problem." I thought. "Things die in that world all the time! Hell its part of what we are doing here, killing evil and cute fluffy creatures! A space will open for me in seconds!"

Sadly this is not the case, I'm not entirely sure but those monsters breed faster than rabbits it must be! Still I am not dismayed! I try again, yet that fiendish barrier of a full world hath stopped me again. It was at this point I resorted to my secret tactic. The pressing of Num Key "0" in an attempt to never miss a SECOND as I try to enter this world. Perhaps my trustworthy speedy fingers will get me thru! I have no reason to believe this will not work, for I am a champion at Mario Party and have yet to lose on speed tapping. I lean back in my chair, muscles relaxed, like a starving panther ready to strike out at its lunch. I tap, and then I keep on rhythmically tapping. My eyes, though they be half closed are focused on attention looking for that mysterious queue where hope springs eternal! Leaving my eyes half closed makes it unnecessary for me to blink more than 1 time per minute, as the moist heat of my head keeps my eyes nearly permanently moist. I contemplate how much I love the word "moist" as I keep on tapping. 10 minutes go by.... I notice a slight twinge in my forearm, which I obviously ignore beckoned by the sweet promise of Eorzean soil under my toes! 20 minutes, still nothing. The rhythmic tapping has put me in a sort of hypnosis, I barely feel time pass, my arm now feels nothing and I can barely feel the tap of my finger on the "0". Drool falls absently from my face onto my apparently soaked shirt, but the chill is at least keeping me awake enough to keep my faithful tapping. 30 minutes go by, I have yet to move a single muscle in my body except for my finger, which is still tapping away faithfully though I'm pretty sure my brain has stopped sending signals, seeing as blood is oozing now from my nose from concentration. My dog apparently thinks I am dead and defecated on my leg. I barely notice the stench and wetness, thinking only of Eorzea. Finally the unthinkable happens, my psyche breaks. I suddenly am IN Eorzea! In the flesh! I dance and spin and run happily thru the desert of Thanalan leaping joyously until I see a massive crab! I attack, thinking nothing could stop me now, and die instantly. Suddenly I am awake! Apparently I had a small seizure and nearly died, I feel everything. My arm is on fire, my shirt is soaked in saliva and my leg stinks horribly. I stand up and fall over from atrophy in my legs, killing my dog who was chewing on my big toe. I feel no remorse, emotions have been seemingly shut off. I came here to tell my tale, have faith friends! Though I am typing with my nose you WILL enter Eorzea! Either in a coma or in game! REJOICE BROTHERS AND SISTERS! I HAVE FOUND HEAVEN!

Now excuse me while I clean up my splattered dog and leg, so I can resume my tapping of "0".
LOL. Love it!!