The Misadventures of Edgar Bookman

[Yrusama]

So I'm going to start coming up with racial and cultural faux pas uttered from the mouth of a drunken Midlander scholar named Edgar Bookman (who has full knowledge of Eorzean culture).

A disgruntled Highlander walks into the Coffer and Coffin and sits unwittingly next to renowned scholar Edgar Bookman. Edgar observes the man's ornery expression and utters the following:
"My, you're a big one! Judging by your complexion, I'm going to guess..... Hellsguard!"
The highlander swiftly punches Edgar in the face and exits the tavern.

In walks a Highlander woman clad in a leather harness and subligar. Edgar nonchalantly joins her at her table.
"What a lovely young lady! What's your name, 'Swyrbroes Barabennwyn'?"
The woman winds up and slaps him, sending him spinning into a pair of unused bar stools.

Feel free to contribute more! This is fun!

[Forgo]

After getting back up from the spot he landed in... He finds a seat at the bar next to a breaded Lalafell and says "You have a lot bread there my friend, but surely they would not let a child in here even a Roegadyn child manly as you are" The Lalafell replied by getting off his stool and kicking Edger in the shin and walking away...

[Yrusama]

Edgar Bookman is helping a friend mind his shop when an Elezen adventurer enters.
"Excuse me! Muffaletta!" Edgar beckons to her. "I have a quest for you!"
The woman pauses, taken aback by his name calling, and then furrows her brow. "I am not a sandwich!" she vehemently asserts before storming out of the shop.

On her way out she passes an Elezen man, also an adventurer, who enters.
"What's wrong with her?" he asks.
Ignoring the question, Edgar quickly exclaims "You! I have a quest for you!"
"All right, what would you have me do?"
"Can you reach the sprigs of Gallago Mint on the top shelf? I'm afraid I don't have a stool."
Mildly annoyed that the quest is so minuscule, he nonetheless complies.
"Thank you," Edgar says, receiving the Gallago Mint. "If there's anything you people are good for, it's getting leaves from high places."
The Elezen knees him in the ribs (an easy feat for one so tall) and exits the shop.

[Yrusama]

Edgar walks up to a pair of similarly-dressed Lalafell - one a wise old Dunesfolk, the other a vibrant young Plainsfolk - standing idly at a street corner.
"Wow! You could be twins!"
Both Lalafell simultaneously kick him in each shin. As he falls to his knees, they shove him face-first to the ground.

[Yrusama]

A Lalafell man with a full beard and mustache sits next to Edgar at the local bar. Edgar takes one look at the Lalafell and gasps in horror.
"Thal's Balls, why is there a Snurble on your head?! I'll save you, little girl!" he cries as he smacks the Lalafell, attempting to bat the fluffiness away.
The bartender and several customers promptly grab him and throw him out.

[Nayto]

A male Roegadyn and a male Highlander were argueing at a corner table in the coin and coffer, saying who should inherit all the spoils of their last dungeon plundering. Out of concern for the two, Edgar walks up to the table and coughs for a moment.

"Why are you two fighting? Especially you young lad!" Edgar lightly punches the highlander's shoulder. "Do you not respect your older brother? You should honor him by letting him have the spoils!"

Due to excessive injuries, Edgar was transported via chocobo carriage to Stillglade Fane for treatment.
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The day after, Edgar limps into the entrance of the Carpenter's guild. The receptionists raised a brow and tells Edgar that he should have a visit to Stillglade Fane but was cut off imediately.

"I require a walking stick be made!"

They appoint a skilled Lalafell carpanter to start working on Edgar's walking stick, but Edgar imediately shouted, "Gods no! Did you not hear me? I said a walking stick! NOT a toothpick!"

The sound of woodworking can be heard as the carpenter's guild bustled with activity... or was that Edgar being beaten by a two-by-four?

[Yrusama]

A male Roegadyn and a male Highlander were argueing at a corner table in the coin and coffer, saying who should inherit all the spoils of their last dungeon plundering. Out of concern for the two, Edgar walks up to the table and coughs for a moment.

"Why are you two fighting? Especially you young lad!" Edgar lightly punches the highlander's shoulder. "Do you not respect your older brother? You should honor him by letting him have the spoils!"

Due to excessive injuries, Edgar was transported via chocobo carriage to Stillglade Fane for treatment.
------------------------------------------------------------
The day after, Edgar limps into the entrance of the Carpenter's guild. The receptionists raised a brow and tells Edgar that he should have a visit to Stillglade Fane but was cut off imediately.

"I require a walking stick be made!"

They appoint a skilled Lalafell carpanter to start working on Edgar's walking stick, but Edgar imediately shouted, "Gods no! Did you not hear me? I said a walking stick! NOT a toothpick!"

The sound of woodworking can be heard as the carpenter's guild bustled with activity... or was that Edgar being beaten by a two-by-four?

Whoa, a bit violent. o.o Was sort of hoping Edgar could at least stand up after getting hurt.

[Nayto]

Whoa, a bit violent. o.o Was sort of hoping Edgar could at least stand up after getting hurt.

Pfft. Hildebrand suffered worse and he's still alive.... I think. Besides, it's comedic violence so he's still able to walk after that. Keep the fancy cane while your at it. Or I could tone it down... it didn't sound that violent to me. :\

[Yrusama]

Pfft. Hildebrand suffered worse and he's still alive.... I think. Besides, it's comedic violence so he's still able to walk after that. Keep the fancy cane while your at it. Or I could tone it down... it didn't sound that violent to me. :\

I suppose Loony Toons characters go though worse.

Also a credit to your race: Hildibrand is a Highlander. I'm sure he can withstand a bit more than a squishy Midlander historian.

[QueenK]

Pfft. Hildebrand suffered worse and he's still alive.... I think. Besides, it's comedic violence so he's still able to walk after that. Keep the fancy cane while your at it. Or I could tone it down... it didn't sound that violent to me. :\

Your mother was a Sea Wolf, and your father smelled of elder berries.