Pets:

a) Let you score chicks "OMG DATSOCUTE!!! I LOVE YOU!"

b) Kill you in your sleep for playing vanity dress-up and putting a #$&%&#@#! pink bow on their head "You had a vivid dream last night. You feel somewhat dead."

c) Pretend they're Lalafell, while the Lalafell become the pets with a #$&%&#@#! pink bow on their head "Hey, I'm not a- " "SHUT IT! Pets don't speak!"

I'm out of ideas but clearly it's going to be one of those. . . .