The Unknown!

[Golnan]

With my pending admition to the "State-run hospital for the eccentrically minded" drawing nearer and nearer, I had decided to embark on one last excursion into exotic expanses, this time with a goal of finding the enigmatic bird "Rokien~" (Pronounced Row-key-en-desu~") in its natural habittat.

With me today are; Darkifritingers Dragooner "Hello, I do 2k damage over an entire Ifrit fight!", Instinctual Murderer "Hello! I miss the mage in Hamlet Defense because I look at Porn!" and Katy Perry "Hello, I suck at being a white mage in Hamlet Defense and get the seal anyway!".

We are adrift on a boat. The boat is gliding along a river down an amazonian jungle somewhere north of "Timbucktoo", which is located just westerly-east of "Go-and-google-it-yourself".

The boat's engine putters pathetically, propelling us slower than walking pace but saving us a slog through the jungle. Katy Perry for no reason decides to dip her hand underneath the nebulous cloud of fog and finds her hand pulls up nothing but muck. Embarrassed, she commits sudoku.

Darkifritingers Dragoon prances up to me and says "Hey boss, I forgot to press that button that makes the boat move" which I reply with a deadly dose of cancer. Darkifritingers Dragooner dies from the cancer. He also rolls off the boat for the sake of story so I don't have to explain where he is later. Katy Perry's body is dragged off as well.

Instinctual Murderer disappears. I press the button and the fog disperses revealing a clearing ahead. I step off the boat and casually meander towards it.
Tribal dancers drum and dance around a dying Desert Palm tree, which was located in the jungle purely for the purpose of alliteration. Perched upon a branch, approvingly eyeing the performance from upon the branch, was the Rokien~.

"Tell us oh great one!" "Yes! Puzzle out the meaning of the divine documents!" "Yes! SHIT ALL OVER US!"
The bird ablidged, and shat on all of them. They rolled in the dung, delirious with mania. Presumably brought on by rabies transfered through fecal matter.

The divine envoys sat beside me, constantly muttering words from God. I heard tidbits, and presumably the Rokien~ did as well because it re-stated them in an incorrect manner to the crowd, who ate it up.

"The game will direct new players towards content gradually..." "HAHAHAQUESTSCASUALWOWCLONEWHYDON'TIJUSTPLAYFFXIIIIFIWANTALINEAREXPERIENCE?" omnomnomnom "Standard MMO feature number 46..." "BAWWWNOTLIKEFFXIFFXIISTHEBESTGAMEDESU~" omnomnomnomnom "....I give up." "TANAKASVISIONHAISOUDESU~IAMSOCOOOOOOOOOOL" omnomnomnom

I close the browser.