Also, rule number one: if your argument is "I have trans friends" I need you to know that the amount of transphobes I tolerate because my friends like them is very high, and they don't know how bad their transphobia is. If you have trans friends who are willing to listen to you and your husband's gender essentialist drivel, MelodyCrystel, then odds are that they are doormats or have given up on you. Clothing doesn't have a gender. There's plenty of transphobic queer people, there's also plenty of people with internalized feelings of queerphobia. And there's TERFs, many of which are queer themselves. The "I'm queer so I can't be transphobic" is a fallacy. I have biases towards some groups I am in, too, but I work on them instead of being a pick me for cishets. lol