How would you improve Dawntrail's writing?

[Hycinthus]

I'm not a writer, so I don't know.

But I'm a paying customer, so next time, please deliver something that I will like.

What do I like? I don't know. But it's your job to sell me something that I will like.

[OlafQuintessa]

Hmmmm....

I would have started with last Endwalker's patch. I think it would be more fun to just stumble on foreign princess during her unofficial visit to Sharlayan. Like, she arrived to personally annoy her brother Koana, who is there to grab some new plans to make another advancement to his homeland. Essentially, keeping him the scholarly-type, while making Wuk more carefree and eager to get into some troubles. I would remove her initial desire to get the throne and ask for our help in getting it. Dawntrail should start as a sort of summer vacation. We met with them both and Wuk personally invites us to her homeland because she really liked us. No deeper meaning.

Most of Dawntrail expansion should be focused on us learning more about Tural and it's inhabitants. So, yeah, sort of ARR 2.0 without us needing to carry around our title of Saviour of Universe and many other regals. More focus on Scions and their thoughts about the new continent and the life in general. More focus on actually some new and interesting cultures and not "bland traders", "bland farmers" and "bland crafters". I think in generally Tural lacks the....mmm....edge. Pretty much everything is too sterile, friendly and pure for nation that was barely united. Let us see some grim traces of unification. Of tension between different peoples.

Later down the line, the question of new king should come into question. I propose the idea of having just 3 contestants, with Wuk supporting Koana from the get-go. Zoraal Ja should have desire for more isolationism and self-reliance, attemt to mend a single nation with single culture under single ruler. Koana can essentially keep his motivations unchanged, but make him a bit more awkward with actual human interaction, Sort of the idea of great bureaucrat who prefers to stay in the shadows, while his dear sister, Wuk, is the one who explains Koana's ideas to people and makes his aims resulting in more down-to-earth approach. Bakool Ja Ja should purely represent Mamook and their aim to break away from newly made piece either by total separation or by getting preferential treatment. And since unification happened just recently, idea for allowing him to enter with such claim would be to have him be defeated and calm down separatism, since Mamook luck military strength to make their goals real....for now, at least.

As we go along with trials, Koana should realise that just having right ideas is not enough. He should be able to lead people. Inspire them. And he can't quite do it. While Wuk, who is not as bright in terms of ideas, is perfectly capable in uniting people with her carefree approach and desire to know more and help more. So by the end Koana and Wul win, not just Koana. And that's pretty much it. Both Zoraal Ja and Bakool Ja Ja should grudgingly accept their defeat, but not be convinced in pointlessness of their goals.

Really like these ideas.

[AvoSturmfaust]

I would straight up get rid of the Scions, the Warrior of Light wanted to go on a new Adventure, it was the best moment to retire the Scions and start all over again, new alliances, new friends new enemys like it should be, but no the scions are yet again there, its enough after 10years, just retire them finally and start your true new adventure.

[Aviatorhead]

1. What would you have done differently with Dawntrail's writing and how would you have done it?

2. What are some suggestions you have for how the MSQ could go in the future?

3. What are some parts of the writing that you actually think are good and would like to see more of?

Please try to make suggestions that are actually feasible rather than things like "remove x character."

I wouldn't have written the stuff about S9/the dome/post throne ark. Probably just be my opinion but it felt rushed and completely out of nowhere to me, on top of being a brand of story I'm not really interested in. I don't want emet selch 2 minus all the build up and personality that made people like him.

I don't want a random time warping, soul-grinding facility to show up in the middle of what I was told was a 'vacation' ark.

It would have been nicer to better develope the actual villain (zoral ja? I suck at names sry) with that time instead instead of introducing universe ending threat #1,000,000

Ik people will disagree here but the thing I liked, was Wuk personality wise. Fun and positive protag is a nice break from our usual doom and gloom stories. She should've just not been present as often as she was and had actual characters to bounce off of instead of the cardboard cutout scions.

[ViinaS]

As sadly the damage is already done all I could say is how to salvage the dumpsterfire.

1. Sphene has returned (sadly) so we gotta work with that.
2. we have to somehow adress Wuk Lamat and axe her ivory tower.
3. we need to introduce realism and consequences which were absolutely absent in the MSQ.

So what I would do is that Sphene once again becomes leader fo Alexandria with the support of the people who rise in revolt against the child and puppet ruler imposed upon them by the enemy.
WoL and friends have to find their brain and realize how they did things was absolutely absurd and bad.

WoL and Scions have to confront Wuk Lamat who will try and once again friendship-no-jutsu her way forward, and tear her bullshit world of all smiles and happiness apart, preferrably ending with a solo instance in which the WoL dumpsters Wuk Lamat so also make sure to establish her as not stronger than WoL.
This is followed by Wuk needing tutoring by people more qualified than her which we may check upon a few times.

Then we need to adress Alexandria and Sphene which we supply with other solutions than what she aimed for in 7.0.
We afterall have access to Allag, Unsundered and Ultima Thule with people that very well could have various solutions to the issue.

Finally have Wuk Lamat abdicate. She was never a good choice especially how Koanas 'faults' were long gone even.
Wuk Lamat then wanders around Tural, like Gosetsu or Alpha to actually learn about the culture fo the people she was (and still is) oblivious about.


It's not much but tbh that is all I can come up with with such an awful base to work with.

[Hallarem]

1. Spent more time building the characters up. Wuk Lamat had so much space but it was empty. Make us seeeee how she was in her youth, make her find her own motivation if she is the new Dawnservant. Give time for Krile and Erenville in the second half. Scrap the whole AI angle, and make Sphene a lost allagan princess leading a colony that survived that HAVE access to another shard. They also rebelled against the emperor and had some magic stuff that didnt let the Ascians access them. Make it about the Allagans opening up to the world, maybe they are a time capsule of sorts. All their scientists gone, tech not being maintained. Ooor just have the expansion be about the succession rite and make each zone deeper in story with more nuance

Ditch the Scions or have deep moments with them on what their personal motivations are after all this. G'raha visiting Corvos, Estinien chilling out. Y'shtola researching the shard travel in the lost allagan colony.

Main thing? Cut the childish shonen tropey writing. Make characters and villains nuanced with motivations. MAKE CHARACTERS DISAGREE WITH EACH OTHER. Not just the villains. Make everyone be their own person. Not be tempered by the plot.

[TemporalFruitsAndVeggies]

My two big problems with Dawntrail were as follows:

1. All four of the Dawnservant candidates seem woefully unqualified for the job, each of them being extremely one-dimensional -- I like peace! I like technological progress! I like imperialism! I'm the chosen one, genetically!

2. The entire Alexandria storyline was rushed and, frankly, unnecessary. It felt like halfway through writing they were like, "Damn, this is boring, let's introduce a world-ending threat." But Sphene never really felt threatening, because there was no tribulation involved in dethroning her: we just booped on over to Living Memory, unplugged everything, and unceremoniously killed her. The end. No real obstruction or hardship. We just did it. Even more boring than the first half, somehow.

My solution would be: cut Gulool Ja Ja's death and everything after it. Keep the Dawnservant story as the first half of the expansion -- this is, after all, at its heart, a game about the Scions helping to install stable leaders in unstable areas. But it'd need some changes:

1. Tural needs to have something threatening its stability. It seems to be at peace and everything is good.

2. A generally happy populace at peace would not be throwing their weight behind a comically imperialist candidate. Zoraal Ja having widespread support makes literally no sense, because his whole platform is "Mwahahaha! POWEEEERRRRR!" Stupid.

3. Flesh out all of the Dawnservant candidates way more. Each of them -- Wuk Lamat included -- should have an actually compelling reason to take the throne, and at least one weak area that would be a compelling argument against them. Wuk Lamat can be the status quo candidate, but she needs to be weak on something -- whatever's threatening Tural, maybe, or she's too isolationist, I dunno. Zoraal Ja and Bakool Ja Ja need to be not comically evil.

4. Ketenramm and Krile (especially Krile) need massively expanded stories. One of the worst moments in DT is when you finally unlock the path to the Golden City, you really want to go check it out, and then the game says "Hah, you wanted the illusion of agency? Screw you, go play cowboy on a stupid side-quest for several hours." Shaaloani was a narrative embarrassment. Get rid of it and Heritage Found. Maps four, five, and six (assuming we need six, an expansion staple I very seriously question) should be in the "Golden City," but we shouldn't know what it is when we go. It should be a process of organic discovery that sets up a major threat for the patch stories. It should culminate in us dealing with a less major threat that's still suitable as an expansion final boss. It doesn't have to be Meteion 2.0, which is what we got.

5. I would rework much of the "path of the Dawnservant" or whatever to cut down on the boredom. Less picking reeds, much more inter-candidate strife, inter-Scion strife, etc. Not malicious strife, necessarily, just justified competitiveness.

I could say a lot more, but that's the gist.

[Rin_Sato]

*The warrior of light wakes up to a sudden flash of lightning outside of his/her window, looking over to see the raging storm outside. Memories of a long dream begin to fade away as the captain spots Tural in the distance.*

If I can't memory hole it however, I would go with making Wuk's subconscious skill at manipulating dynamis that causes everyone to adore her and worship her becomes a problem so that she realizes it consciously, at which point she becomes a tragic heroine/villain and is humbled for the first time ever in some way. A fall from grace.

[MediocreIndigo]

I might as well include some of my own answers to the questions I posed, given that I did have answers in mind while asking them.

Things I would've done differently:

- Had Wuk Lamat's admission to the party about her lack of confidence happen after her kidnapping rather than after the boat race.

- Cut down the number of new cultures introduced so that there could actually be enough time to flesh them out beyond one central characteristic.

- Had Xak Tural be relevant to the rite of succession.

- Either had the Alexandria portion of the plot start earlier or postponed it to the patches.

- Had 7.1 focus on just Gulool Ja or Koana rather than both.

Suggestions I have for the future:

- We need to inform the Alexandrians of the things Sphene really did at some point. We can't allow them to view her as a benevolent ruler indefinitely because that will create problems down the road.

- Give more focus to the people of Yyasulani who got stuck under the dome. Explore how they feel about the things that happened to them. Show how their outlook differs from that of their children who were born in Alexandria. Show their reaction to finding out that Sphene lied to them when we eventually reveal it. I've seen someone mention that the people of Yyasulani feel like props with the way they're treated, and I kind of agree.

Things that I thought were good and would like to see more of:

- Though they were very infrequent, I liked the moments where Wuk Lamat got to interact with individual members of the Scions one-on-one, such as when Alisaie comforted her after the attack on Tuliyollal. If the Scions absolutely have to be present, there should be more moments like that.

[Carin-Eri]

- We need to inform the Alexandrians of the things Sphene really did at some point. We can't allow them to view her as a benevolent ruler indefinitely because that will create problems down the road.

Whilst I agree in principle... would they remember?

The most recent (at the time of this post) additions to the MSQ demonstrated their memories can be manipulated. I'm not sure there would be much value in telling people who attended a funeral they no longer remember, for a Queen who is no longer dead, that their Queen wasn't (isn't?) the saint they think she was/is.