Quote Originally Posted by Rueby View Post
That aside, I've always wondered if somehow there's something I can improve on myself to lessen the risk of it, and it makes sense that the insecure/desperate/lonely types are attracted to nice/kind people rather than someone who is unfriendly/aggressive.
Honestly, after years of playing, leading an FC of mainly guys and swerving the advances of numerous male "friends", the only reliable measure I've found is being a hard ass about it. My friends have joked about how icy I can be, but the metaphor about inches and miles has never been more apt than here.

Some general advice: setting a boundary is important, but it isn't enough on its own. Guys like that take "not interested" as not interested right now, and so long as you're nice to them, they delude themselves into thinking there's maybe still hope one day, no matter how emphatic you are. Don't joke, if they hint about it or make comments, shut it down and repeat you have no interest whatsoever. If needs be, distance yourself for a while. It might feel mean, but it's the only they'll get the memo that it's a no-go area with you. Reassert that you're not looking for anything whenever the topic comes up in conversation, and if they tease you about it (which they will, because they want to test your limits) emphasise "no way." If you're too mindful of their feelings and tread around it, they'll think it's a soft refusal and try again.

The same goes for the charmers who threaten suicide. That's not your problem. It's a form of emotional abuse, they're trying to manipulate you and anyone in genuine distress would not make torturing you about it their priority. Back away and block them the minute they try to go there, and if you're that concerned about what they might do, tell their friends, report it to a GM, and move on. Don't give it any air. You're not responsible for their inability to deal with their emotions.

Don't worry about closure and communication if they're not respecting you, your boundaries or your own mental health. If they're making you uncomfortable or ignoring the rules you've laid out, at that point they've shown they don't care about you and you don't owe them anything. Don't let their perceived vulnerability blind you to how their actions are affecting you, and don't be afraid to ghost if needs be; with people like that, sometimes the hard line is the only option. You seem like a kind and thoughtful person, and unfortunately that's something of a siren call to players who would rather use this game as a crutch than deal with their own personal problems.

Oh, and my biggest tip: avoid playing therapist. Wanting to help someone and hear them out is natural, but it rarely goes well. Keep that kind of thing to group conversations.