Advice on How to Give Advice

[KLuz]

Hello! So the title basically gets at the question that I have - "how would you or people prefer to receive advice?" (Consider this your TLDR)

Background: This question stems from two converging trends I've been noticing -

(1) The general commentary that Dawntrail has "upped the ante" on difficulty of content in the game, and

(2) the longstanding stigma around wanting to be a helpful person in the game and being met with (often hostile) opposition in response.

In the last 2 weeks, it has felt like an increasingly frequent occurrence for me (definitely some bias as a result). I definitely don't think I'm the best player in the world, and I put a bit more weight on trying to be a good mentor than I probably should given the perceptions of mentors in the game. In the more recent occurrences, I have offered advice to gamers and the response has been... challenging, to say the least. Despite the level of animosity I've been met with, I've tried to remain polite (though I'm human and am susceptible to the whims of pettiness from time to time). Because I'm interested in reflecting and because my intent really is to just be helpful, I'm offering this as a long shot to try to get some advice on how to offer advice. It can come from anyone such as people who are struggling with the difficulty of the content or folks who have been able to successfully give advice without the backlash. I'm sure some will suggest that I don't offer the advice at all and just nope out of the situations; I'm equally interested in understanding more about that approach too. It is definitely something I am considering as an option too, though I lament that it won't help out people who could use a hand and would be responsive/thankful. Thanks in advance

[Andevom]

Give advice when asked for advice and you can't go wrong. Otherwise, don't.

[KLuz]

Give advice when asked for advice and you can't go wrong. Otherwise, don't.

So I should resign to failing the duty then? What happens when advice isn't solicited though it should be?

[LilimoLimomo]

So I should resign to failing the duty then? What happens when advice isn't solicited though it should be?

In you original post, you stated that you wanted to be a good mentor. Assuming that's true, then I recommend that you make the foundation of your mentorship one of respect for your mentee.

Here's what I hope is an easy test; when you are mentoring, which of these is more important:

• your mentee getting good ASAP so the content can be completed
• respecting your mentee's distinct needs and boundaries

Any time you are tempted to choose the first option, you are at risk of being a poor mentor. Not only because trespassing a person's boundaries makes them less likely to listen and learn, but also because it means that something aside from your mentee has become your primary focus. If you truly want to be a good mentor, that means mentoring at your mentee's pace. Players who are ready to receive advice will usually ask for it. Players who aren't ready for advice will usually not ask for it.

It's fun to figure out mechanics. It's fun to have that moment of "a-ha!" realization when it finally clicks. Let players chase that. Let players organically iterate and improve. When they want advice, they'll usually ask for it.

So instead of resigning yourself to "failing the duty", resign yourself to "keep trying". After all, that's what your mentee is doing. Whether they learn quickly or slowly, they will eventually get there, as long as nobody gives them a reason to give up.

And that's how you can still be a great mentor in these situations: by mitigating the possibility that someone will get on this person's case for not being good at a game fast enough. By being a cheerleader for the group, you proactively keep the vibes positive and mitigate their likelihood of souring. Saying something like "Hell yeah, getting better! " reassures anyone who is having trouble that the vibe is still positive, and that in turn will reduce any critical self-talk they're experiencing, which would otherwise hinder their ability to learn. Plus, they'll have more fun when they're less worried about their group hating them, and that's a great thing to be able to provide to others!

The other purpose of saying something positive is that people often assume that others feel the same way they do. So if someone is feeling negative about the number of failures, they might assume others are as well and feel like they're speaking for the group if they say something about it. When you say something that makes it clear that your vibe is one of positivity, hopefulness, and a willingness to keep trying, that makes it clear that not everyone is feeling negatively, which can mitigate the likelihood of any vocal conflict. It might even encourage them to feel positively about it as well, especially if you can do a good job of encouraging camaraderie.

Sometimes you won't be able to stay positive. Sometimes you'll find yourself feeling impatient. That's okay! You're a person and you have feelings and needs, too! So if you find that you don't have the energy to be the kind of mentor you'd like to be, own that. If you need to, make an excuse about a sudden minor emergency ("My cat spilled soup, I need to clean it before it stains the carpet!") so you can leave the group and attend to your own needs. But it's important to recognize that your impatience is a you problem, and not to make that other people's problem.

I hope that this advice helps you to be the best mentor you can be! Best of luck!

(also, this is advice for normal difficulty content; I can't speak on EX/Savage stuff)

[Shibi]

So I should resign to failing the duty then? What happens when advice isn't solicited though it should be?

Slap a safety dorito on your head and start jumping in the safespots.

[Boblawblah]

Slap a safety dorito on your head and start jumping in the safespots.

that would actually be really fun lol. "FOLLOW ME EVERYONE!! FOLLOW THE DORITO!!"

[Boblawblah]

For a game that's supposedly so easy, it's always a bit odd how people need to give advice to strangers so much. Just finish the duty and move on, you'll spend less time frustrated that way

[Shikiseki]

I honestly can only advice you to be more selective with who's worth your time mentoring in this game because quite frankly, many people (as you noticed yourself) just respond badly about it. Save your effort, even if it's with good-intent, because at the end of the day they just simply do not care and so should you. It will keep your mind healthy too, knowing those who do appreciate it will improve.

That doesn't mean to stop being helpful of course, it just requires a certain sense (?) to know when that person is actually wanting to improve but needs a lil nudge into the right direction which you'll get as you do more duties.
They will most likely apologize in chat and that's usually your queue to give them a small(!) hint as to why they kept dying. Noone wants a 10min guide on what to do in a normal duty

Does that make me a bad mentor? Maybe. But I'm more than happy to assist any person that is willing to listen and that's all I care about after 10/11years

[KLuz]

I honestly can only advice you to be more selective with who's worth your time mentoring in this game because quite frankly, many people (as you noticed yourself) just respond badly about it. Save your effort, even if it's with good-intent, because at the end of the day they just simply do not care and so should you. It will keep your mind healthy too, knowing those who do appreciate it will improve.

That doesn't mean to stop being helpful of course, it just requires a certain sense (?) to know when that person is actually wanting to improve but needs a lil nudge into the right direction which you'll get as you do more duties.
They will most likely apologize in chat and that's usually your queue to give them a small(!) hint as to why they kept dying. Noone wants a 10min guide on what to do in a normal duty

Does that make me a bad mentor? Maybe. But I'm more than happy to assist any person that is willing to listen and that's all I care about after 10/11years

Nah I think that makes a lot of sense. Reflecting back, I've definitely had some positive interactions when things have gone that way.

[Maxilor]

IMO it really depends on how badly you are failing a duty.

I use a simple checklist:

1. Are you completing the content fine, but you notice someone is playing in an odd or incorrect way? Don't give advice unless asked.

2. Did someone die, or the group wiped but the player that erred has an excuse out of their control? (example: cat attacked them) No, I still wouldn't give advice unless asked.

3. Did it happen again? Yes, I would start giving pointers in a friendly way. (example: Perhaps you can put your cat in a cage to prevent the maulings?)

4. Do they refuse to fix the issue and you continue to fail? Votekick.

Player POV: