When I think about Final Fantasy, specifically both its online installments, and the state of the post-apocalyptic game-world we're revolving around, I still get caught in moments of denial. The dust is still settling in the form of pixels being put together more beautifully than Ashley Tisdale's rhinoplasty. Under that beautiful landscape is still the talent-less muck that swishes around and occasionally bubbles ups and pops, or so I lead myself to believe these days. The whole concept seems uninspired.

Now, why do I think this way? What event or belief led me to be so biased? So ignorant to something that could be appreciated in it's own way, for what it is, rather than what it isn't. Perhaps it all has something to do with my unwillingness to buy into the teeny-boppers of late. But why would I? A twenty-two year old male who grew up on loving the thrash of Pearl Jam and Nirvana, The dirty grit of Dr. Dre and Tupac, and even the stupid-good likes of blink 182. Oddly enough, the aforementioned artists were all divided on islands of their own, but still i was compelled to let them come together to form a Pangaea of sound within my ears. The situations are surprisingly relative.

I can remember my first MMO experience, and funny thing is, the moment was completely on accident. I went into my local Best Buy to find a new game to play, I was only in seventh grade at the time, and saw a PC box advertising Final Fantasy XI. In recent years I played my way through just about every other chapter in the series, so you can imagine my eyes bursting out of my prepubescent skull at the alluring sight of that slim, colorless box. Of course, at this age, I wasn't very computer savvy, not that I really am these days, but still... Anyway, PC games always came off to me as silly things geared towards adults, but did I care? Not one bit..

Days, that would be the time I spent tirelessly trying to install the game on my old HP computer. I think the moment the game was ready and that now nostalgic tune on the main menu page started to be conducted was a work from God. "It works!", or, "it's about to work!" were the thoughts that flip-flopped in my overzealous head. I created my character, an elvaan black mage, BOOM, just like that, the placenta burst and if only I could remember my actual first moments of birth, I'd be damned if they weren't similar. There I found myself plopped in a new world without any education of what resided in it, no direction, nothing but a a staff-like weapon I stupidly believed to be actually made of onions (Well, my own birth didn't involve any onions, I don't think, maybe, who knows?). In time I learned this game wasn't like anything I ever played.

At a turtle's pace I finally found myself in the pixelated forest outside the stone walls of the trumpet blaring San d'Oria. a quiet clarinet song ruffled through the trees, and that's when I saw something that left me in disbelief. A Rabbit?! Why is it running around? You mean to tell me the screen doesn't turn into a swirling vortex and transport me into battle mode? meh... At this point I couldn't even cast a spell, didn't know how. DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING. I felt lost, but I also felt the pinch of a little spark in me that told me if I wanted to play this game, I was going to have to try to figure it all out on my own. I was plane crash victim in the Alaskan wilderness with bunch of onions. I didn't think I would stand a chance. "So.. Now what?"

An unmentionable amount of time would pass, creating a montage of my prevalence, a small victory over defeat, the rise of a n00b. In my time I conquered the bees and worms of Gustaberg, learned to fear the goblins, and worked up the strength to tackle the menacing Quadav. I traversed my way through the swirling sands of the Valkurm dunes numerous times, learning along the way that I truly wasn't on my own, and that a group of other committed adventurers would be my only hope for progression. Now I stood as what seemed as an established Tarutaru Whitemage with that glorious badge of a sub-job, how simple those times were. The story doesn't end there though, I kept having to ask myself and others, "So... Now what?".

Looking back now at that very first time I swatted my staff at that poor, little, defenseless rabbit, I never thought I would find myself this engrossed in something as silly as a video game, but I did. I tackled the city missions, toppled the Shadow Lord, witnessed friends acquire Relic weapons, like unearthing ten pounds of actual gold, sat hours on end in hope of killing the Fafnirs, Nidhoggs and behemoths, my stomach sinking with excitement of capturing that always elusive Ridill and E.Body. I stormed Sea and Sky, dethroned their most complicated trials, with my eyes closed, not even needing a map and even went into the deepest depths to pull enormous dragons out the sky. Everything that game had to offer I dragged myself through. But that was almost 4 years ago when my time finally came to end. "So... Now what?"

So here I am, playing FFXIV, running around with my head up my ass. I understand the basics, but to be honesty I'm level 26 or something to that affect and I don't even know how to join a Grand Company and have never even been in a party. It's quite lonely and makes me not even want to play it on any sort of regular basis.
And here we are, looking at FFXIV as the future. And just like the Justin Beibers (WoW), the Soulja Boys (SWTOR), and the Jersey Shores(Rift/TERA/whatever), the old salts of the Nirvana (FFXI), Tupac (Everquest), and Blink 182 (GW/Archage/whatever) days can't seem to adjust. Racking my brain has created a Frankenstein-thought-baby made up of parts like disappointment, denial, hope, and fear. For myself, and probably many others, the doors were opened by games that seemed to transcend reality. All these new age games and people have something in common: they tend to come and go quickly, without leaving anything worth looking back at, all while disappearing without anyone to ask "what happened to that?". All I ask is for the ability to at least remember my time in this game, the reason FFXI seems so overly special to me. I played the WoWs of the world, and sure, they held my attention, but sure enough, fizzled out.

In spite of it all, I'm trying to appreciate things for what they are. In no way do I have the copious amounts of time to pour into a video game like I used to, that's ridiculous, nor do I take games that seriously. However I've managed to turn on some Rhianna and the unlikely Carly-rae Jepson tunes with my Ipod (sorry, still no Justin Beiber). But I know locked in the query of my shuffle, those old Pearl jam and Dr. Dre songs will pop up and bring me right back to my younger days. What's unfortunate is that I can't really go back to FFXI, like many others can't go back to their favorite MMOs. We already know no one will be able to see Kurt cobain live, but it might not hurt to let some of the new age concepts leak into the here and now. Different isn't always bad, and I'm learning to appreciate what the game brings to the table, as well as the promises of tomorrow nights dinner (2.0). All in all it's bad to hate a rock for not being a tree, or something like that. What's the point of this? there isn't one, just one guy's view of an artificial world.