Friend Removal should be bothways

[Rueby]

While I 100% agree with you that the two-way removal is needed, I think players also need to take some responsibility and make better decisions about who they are adding to their friends list and why. The reality is that most of the time, they aren't friends at all and are simply another player met in passing.

Do you know enough about that other player that you're okay with them having information about what you're doing in game?

Would you have a specific reason to want to talk to that player in the future?

I see your point, but I disagree with you. Being responsible is one thing but even if you're careful, people can change, shit happens. You can't be responsible for things that may happen down the line, I doubt anyone should be expected to psycho analyze a person before they add them nor should they. I've seen this whole 'people change' or people are simply showing who they really are, months and sometimes years down the line.

Some people are obvious red banners, on my main I was really naive and added everyone who added me because I wanted to have fun and socialize, then I realized how the friendlist works. I had to make an alt to have a 'fresh' start, but I have a keen desire to socialize and talk to people. Now I'm just scared of adding anyone anymore and I get this crippling guilt when I have a good talk with someone and I want to add them and hang out again but my brain defaults to like 'yeah nah'. I really miss the time when I was a sprout and wanted to talk to people and make friends. I shouldn't have to worry about 'this person could permanently have me on their FL and I don't really know them'

Note : I do struggle alot with privacy, the idea that my location is so easily accessible is really something I'm uncomfortable with. The game's open world is really small, if you really want to find someone, you really can- quite easily.

[Sove92]

They didn't mention this in the last LL, but given the Blacklist and privacy improvements in 7.0, I would suspect this is coming too.

[Rueby]

Snip

Well, I think we're both genuinely different and that's okay! I'm way more social by nature and tend wish that maaaaybe a meaningful friendship might blossom from many interactions. Here's what I think.

Why shouldn't it be a thing?

If I remove you from my friendlist, it means I have no interest in interacting with you anymore most likely, or we're not close enough. Is there a reason for me to stay on your list? I can't think of one, to me it feels weird. This isn't real life, neither should it be- because it's really hard to have a feel of someone just from the few interactions you had, that person could be a mutual in your friend circle.

I admit, I didn't really think adding people came with an issue, I used to be really social and I love interacting with people, perhaps within these interactions a meaningful friendship might form. In my 4-5 years of playing the game I came out with 2-3 really good friends I trust so far, but I also met plenty that I regret knowing/interacting with. I agree with you, immediate friend requests are something I regret, I used to accept them all on my main because to me I felt bad/guilty/ungrateful if someone is showing interest in wanting to communicate and I shut them down then I feel like I'm an asshole.

I don't add anyone anymore, but I also miss chatting with people, just for fun and not having to worry about being plastered permanently on their friendlist. I feel really guilty when I decline friend requests but my anxiety trumps all else now and I hate it. I abandoned my main because of that system, I had too many people on him and the thought of being permanently on people's FL before I even knew how this system works is just hmmm weird. I agree with you that yes, one should be careful who they add, but sometimes someone misjudges someone, or someone is just hiding their intents- you live and learn. I don't think the game should give anyone this weird dreadful feeling of 'yep you're on my friendlist forever, good luck'

[Reinha]

Why should the game highlight someone's name out in the game world if that person does not want to be my friend? I don't want to notice or interact with them either. There should be a button to clear out all names with a non-matching friend status from the friends list.

[TaleraRistain]

When someone sends you a friend request, you have to agree to it. Both are telling the game they have permission to be on one another's friend list. If a player removes someone from their list, then the game needs to remove that person from the other person's list as they are essentially revoking that permission. It really doesn't make a lot of sense why it doesn't already work like this.

[Gemina]

Well, I think we're both genuinely different and that's okay! I'm way more social by nature and tend wish that maaaaybe a meaningful friendship might blossom from many interactions. Here's what I think.

Why shouldn't it be a thing?

If I remove you from my friendlist, it means I have no interest in interacting with you anymore most likely, or we're not close enough. Is there a reason for me to stay on your list? I can't think of one, to me it feels weird. This isn't real life, neither should it be- because it's really hard to have a feel of someone just from the few interactions you had, that person could be a mutual in your friend circle.

I admit, I didn't really think adding people came with an issue, I used to be really social and I love interacting with people, perhaps within these interactions a meaningful friendship might form. In my 4-5 years of playing the game I came out with 2-3 really good friends I trust so far, but I also met plenty that I regret knowing/interacting with. I agree with you, immediate friend requests are something I regret, I used to accept them all on my main because to me I felt bad/guilty/ungrateful if someone is showing interest in wanting to communicate and I shut them down then I feel like I'm an asshole.

I don't add anyone anymore, but I also miss chatting with people, just for fun and not having to worry about being plastered permanently on their friendlist. I feel really guilty when I decline friend requests but my anxiety trumps all else now and I hate it. I abandoned my main because of that system, I had too many people on him and the thought of being permanently on people's FL before I even knew how this system works is just hmmm weird. I agree with you that yes, one should be careful who they add, but sometimes someone misjudges someone, or someone is just hiding their intents- you live and learn. I don't think the game should give anyone this weird dreadful feeling of 'yep you're on my friendlist forever, good luck'

You are sweet. If most people were like you, there wouldn't be much need for GMs. I appreciate your honest and wholesome answer.

The way I see things, though, is that it doesn't matter much to me if someone I unfriend keeps me on their list. They are no longer a friend either way. Even if for some reason I couldn't delete them from my list, and I still saw their name among the crowd of peeps at the Gold Saucer during Jumbo Cactpot, or if they wind up in my party during a roulette, or I just see them randomly out in the world somewhere, it doesn't change anything. The name on a list is exactly that. In order for it to have meaning, meaning has to be given to it. My true friend's list is on my heart, and if a name is scratched off, any other place it might be written is irrelevant.

On the flip side of this coin, there are players whom I have met during my adventures who are not on the list who I will always consider a friend, or friendly acquaintance. Friendly players who through pure happenstance wound up in one of my parties and left a huge impression because of how friendly and helpful they were to myself and others. Players who I have interacted with if even for only a short while to trade compliments, or just a random chit chat.

Something you said that stood out to me is the feeling of guilt when having to turn down a friend's request, and it is reasons like this why I actually am not in favor of this feature. I feel that a friend's list is not needed to be friendly towards someone, or to receive friendly gestures from another player. It also does not feel good to delete someone from the list as well. The two people I brought up before; it did not make me feel good to remove them. It was a stark reminder of the painful experience associated with each of them. It actually would have been easier to just leave them there. I actually kind of regret removing them, and I would take it back if I could.

Lastly, you are correct that we can easily misjudge someone. The world and the internet is filled with serpents who can mask their intent. There are never any guarantees when you give someone the ability to hurt you. Hopefully you can take to heart what I mentioned earlier. Carving two names on a tree is more of a created memory than it is a status. A severed friendship does not mean memories should be destroyed. You can't destroy them anyway. Even if you would like to.

[Hazard]

I'd like for removing someone from your friends list to remove yourself from their list as well, because I'd like someone I had on my friends list to not know where I am at all times, hunt me down, show up, and follow me around, but I don't want to block them because I feel like that's extreme and I don't want them to feel alienated if they try to say something to me in a community conversation. I'd just like to not be tracked and followed everywhere I go within minutes of logging in.

[WinglessSeraphim]

While I 100% agree with you that the two-way removal is needed, I think players also need to take some responsibility and make better decisions about who they are adding to their friends list and why. The reality is that most of the time, they aren't friends at all and are simply another player met in passing.

Professor, isn't victim blaming/shaming wrong? We all can't be as perfect as you are. No one can hold a candle to SE's MVP. It must be so lonely at the top.

In all unseriousness, it's a game where strangers meet in passing. Who is really going to run a criminal record/credit check, personality profile questionnaires, etc. on someone in a game in order to put them on their top 200 list of other random people? Just the professor.

[Vrankyl]

It would be one thing if all that adding a person to a FL did was let them see you online. People would likely be more strict with who they put on there, but it isn't. It's also the only way to send mail to FC mates because for some ungodly reason you can't do that unless they are on your FL unlike every other MMO out there where your FC/Guild mates are all options for mail sending (then again so are your alts and we can't even do that either. We need to turn our friends and FC mates into gil mules). Because of that, a lot of people, especially those in officer positions of FCs, HAVE to friend list people. As a result there should be no reason that we are left on a FL if we remove them from ours.

[Merrigan]

I had too many people on him and the thought of being permanently on people's FL before I even knew how this system works is just hmmm weird

I know what you mean. The character I'm writing with hasn't been online for a very long time. Well, I prefer my new one now, but the reason was the same: too many interactions, inability to disappear completely, which over time causes real discomfort, almost a sense of dispossession of the character. Strange as it may sound.

Anyway: yes, please. Beyond the usual problems of IG stalking, when you withdraw from an address book it would be good if it was on both sides, it seems obvious.