Friend Removal should be bothways

[Rueby]

I tried to give Yoshi P the benefit of the doubt, that perhaps it might cause confrontation but upon thinking about it....

If someone deletes me from their friendlist, I'd like them to be removed from mine as well and vice versa.

I used to be on the fence about it, but the friendlist system is a privacy nightmare to me. The idea of me staying forever on someone's FL even if I remove them is bizarre. Maybe give us an option for a permanent deletion or if you block someone you get deleted from their FL.

I think the Blacklist changes in DT are nice and will give people options so I'm hopeful the friendlist will get similar treatment.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts about it.

If you think it shouldn't be so, why do you think so?

[Saraide]

To me it has never made sense why this game works that way. People unfriend others for a reason. This 'no confrontation' arguement is so weird. No one wants the friend system to send 'hey dingledork, your friend unfriended you because you're a dumbass' in a moogle letter, just remove me from the other person's list like a normal game.

[LianaThorne]

Been asked for for years now by many people. Welcome to the club, grab a cushion and make yourself comfy. You'll be here for a while.

[sindriiisgaming]

They simply do not have it high enough on there radar atm even tho I personally think its not acceptable rn the state its in

[Jojoya]

If you think it shouldn't be so, why do you think so?

While I 100% agree with you that the two-way removal is needed, I think players also need to take some responsibility and make better decisions about who they are adding to their friends list and why. The reality is that most of the time, they aren't friends at all and are simply another player met in passing.

Do you know enough about that other player that you're okay with them having information about what you're doing in game?

Would you have a specific reason to want to talk to that player in the future?

[LianaThorne]

While I 100% agree with you that the two-way removal is needed, I think players also need to take some responsibility and make better decisions about who they are adding to their friends list and why. The reality is that most of the time, they aren't friends at all and are simply another player met in passing.

Do you know enough about that other player that you're okay with them having information about what you're doing in game?

Would you have a specific reason to want to talk to that player in the future?

Here is where I'm gonna disagree with you because people are capable of hiding who they actually are for long periods of time, look at abusers that don't show their true colors until after marriage or people who you think are your friends for years suddenly doing a 180 and scamming you for Fan Fest tickets (YouTube that if you're curious). You can't really predict the future or what people are going to do. Unless someone gives off some really sheisty vibes from the start (or even in the early period of getting to know them), how are you supposed to know that that person is someone who will eventually be problematic?

[Jeeqbit]

I think there's not much point making it remove you from other people's lists just for the sake of it. I think that blacklisting the person should do that though, since this is planned to make them disappear. Obviously if you are at a point where you are doing this to them, it may as well fully remove you from their friends list as well. The situation must be really bad if you are at this point where you don't even want to see them render.

[Charles_Mephist]

I had a similar case a few months ago. I was part of a big fc, and we usually had some stuff we sent through mails (maps, crafted gear, etc) so we needed to be friends in game to do so. Eventually, me and some members had a big fallout with the FC head, left and went to another one (whose house was in another ward). Naturally we blacklisted the old lead for reasons, but since we had him on fl before so we could arrange fc stuff we knew we still would pop up if he came close...but thats not the worst part!

Another member of the big old fc , who had not left at the time, had a house in the same housing district of our new FC and well, went to do housing stuff. The old lead messaged said person, saying they were betraying the fc for continuing to associate with us after we left and encouraged them to do the same and leave...They were just vising their own house. So even after we left they were stalking players who were on the same wards as us (tho i'm aware they could also be using the FC menu to track peeps) and harrasing them.

Well now I know the guy is nuts but like, the FC member tracking and Friendlist are so easily abusable for stalking purposes, and a lot of members had each other on fl to easy proccess in fc >.>

[Bonoki]

I completely agree. Friend removal should work both ways. It seems that SE is adamant about lacking sufficient evidence of people using the friend list to stalk and harass. They've convinced themselves that leaving it as is makes things less confrontational.

While I 100% agree with you that the two-way removal is needed, I think players also need to take some responsibility and make better decisions about who they are adding to their friends list and why. The reality is that most of the time, they aren't friends at all and are simply another player met in passing.

Do you know enough about that other player that you're okay with them having information about what you're doing in game?

Would you have a specific reason to want to talk to that player in the future?

I understand the sentiment about being responsible for who we add, but this game tends to send friend requests quickly, sometimes even before you truly know someone beyond a few messages. It's often just for the convenience of teleporting to a friend's estate. Once you add someone, it's a commitment. If you express hesitance, wanting to know the person better before accepting, it can come across as insecurity or stiffness, possibly leading the other person to assume you have trust issues. It's a tricky situation. It's in the same vein when someone opens with, "Mare?" or "Funny moon code?", if you ignore it, they assume you didn't want to be friends in the first place.

[Gemina]

Help me understand why this should be a thing. I'm not being combative and genuinely curious what players are dealing with that makes them feel this way.

For me, this has not been an issue. I've unfriended only two accounts during my time on this game, and never heard from either of them ever again with one exception. I have my character config set so I do not see player names unless they are in my FC, in my party, or on my friend's list. If the players I have unfriended can still see me, I do not care.

The one exception I mentioned previously was from an old FC mate who went out of her way to hurt my feelings. I never blisted her and she messaged me around six months later and asked how I was doing. I was civil about it and wasn't rude to her. She did apologize to me and said she missed me, which brought some of the pain back. I thanked her for reaching out and that was it. There was no harassment issues or anything like that.

I think I only have 6-7 people on my friend's list. It's not a feature I heavily utilize, and much like RL there needs to be a natural and strong connection for me to request or add someone to the list. This is very rare for me. I am curious if some people are befriending anyone and everyone who sends a request as this is generally not a good idea. I don't need to hear you have or haven't, but be honest with yourself in regards to how you use the friend's list feature. I definitely agree that measures should be taken to protect players from harassment, but there are also things players can do to help ensure a more enjoyable experience while playing FFXIV.