The thing is, the changes people are asking for are entirely possible. I don't understand what's not to understand. SE is a multi-million dollar company. FFXIV is their primary money-maker. The graphical changes people should be getting used to is how new lighting, textures, and the slightly higher poly count affect their character, not literal, physical features changing into something else.
I appreciate that you're trying to look at it from both angles, but it feels like you got caught up in the whole deal about negativity. I put that in quotation marks because, while a lot of thread titles are worded a little questionably, I hardly see people being outright malicious; just worried.
Most aggressiveness I've seen has come from people who do enjoy how their characters look posting in threads of people feeling anxious and emotional. Like, of course they're going to be heated! I had a moment myself in this very thread, in spite of also being fine with how several of my characters look!
There are plenty of places to spread positivity or excitement on every site listed, and I've absolutely seen it shared successfully. Perhaps less on the forums, admittedly, because on average people are less likely to stick to newly made threads.
Overall, though, I can't really grasp the conclusion your post is trying to come to. Claiming only SE knows what 'as close as possible' means and that the people disliking the changes is only a small sample size feels weirdly like a 'get over it' statement, but then there's the calling SE and Yoshida to action to monitor the forums so they can make as many people happy as possible.
They...already do that? We've seen this work for Viera noses and Au Ra limbal rings? I get that they're not 'tuned' as close as possible to what's currently in-game, but there is still clearly a difference from their before and now.
EDIT: Actually ovIm put like, half of my sentiments into significantly better words than I did. My ass needs to read more.