To all the players I disappointed with my first-ever PVP showing, I can only say, "Sorry." It's not really my fault. At least, I don't feel like it was.
Early on after I'd started XIV, when every blue ! quest appeared to be something vital, I managed to unlock PVP. When I realized that was what I'd done, I sort of let that questline die there. I'm not really a PVP person to begin with, and I figured there was plenty of content to keep me busy without having to get involved in... that. No offense to the folks who like it, it's just not my thing.
Fast-forward to the latest Moogle Treasure Trove. My weekly objective was Rival Wings. I hadn't touched PVP in all that time, but I figured it couldn't be too hard to at least give it a try. I'd probably be lousy, but I'd get a taste of it and that would be the end of it.
I thought wrong.
I got to Wolves' Den and my entire hotbar was ?s with red slashes through them. I concluded it was because I wasn't actually in a match yet, and so I set about reading the tooltips and arranging my hotbar to something that made vague sense for me. After all, I couldn't find any PVP commands in the "normal" commands menu, so I figured it just auto-populated when you showed up in a PVP area. Then I queued up.
I got into the match and... and my entire hotbar was still ?s with red slashes through them. I tried to do anything to make things work. Nothing did. Team members were not all that helpful. "You should have set things up at Wolves' Den." I thought I did. "How come there are a bunch of jerks standing around AFK at base?" Because I literally can't figure out what's going on or how to do anything. "Use the mechs." The...what? How do I do that? I eventually got tired of the abuse and just sort of zoned out.
I talked to a friend who's played PVP afterwards, in a discussion in which the F-bomb came up an awful lot. Their conclusion was that, when I'd showed up in Wolves' Den the first time, it had fixed my hotbar with the abilities that were in PVP at the time and are now obsolete. Now, I figure a sensible interface would detect that, yeah, your entire hotbar is out of date abilities and at least ask if you're sure that's how you want to go in. Nope, it just threw me into the arena and under the bus. It was my first time. How was I supposed to know those were all obsolete abilities? And if my hotbar was the default from 4.X or 5.X, shouldn't it at least have done something to update it or at least notify me how to fix things?
I tried to go in prepared. SE had other ideas.
So, if that's going on in your group, it's probably because SE decided people who had very deliberately chosen not to go into PVP should "try it out," and then give them absolutely no guidance on how to do it. Be gentle to them. They're probably feeling miserable, too. Maybe you can give them better guidance than I got.