(For legal reasons, this whole post is a joke)

Ever wondered how Square Enix decides how to balance its PvP jobs? After almost a year since the release of the latest PvP paradigm, I think I've figured it out. Sit tight, buckle up, and prepare to uncover the deepest, darkest secrets of the squex balance team.

First, a few over-arching rules to keep in mind:
  1. Balance for flavor, not for gameplay
  2. Ignore player feedback
  3. Always keep them guessing!

Now that just about covers everything, but there are a few other options that we have available to us. In order to keep our game fresh and interesting, make sure to pick a few of the following to sprinkle into each patch! (If you can't decide, picking blindly out of a hat works well)
  • Pick a healthy job to buff
  • Pick a struggling job to nerf
  • Nerf WHM a little (but keep MoN uncleansable)
  • Nerf NIN a little (but keep Seiton at 50%)
  • Random PLD adjustment (but don't touch Guardian)
  • It has come to our attention that MNK players are having difficulty pressing the same button 7 times in a row. For this reason, Phantom Rush will now instantly kill you.
  • Too many people seem to be successfully Guarding Sky Shatter. To compensate, DRG is getting another overall buff. And no, you can't have orange indicators for enemy LB.

And above all, remember to use winrates* to justify everything.

*Under no circumstances will match history, API, or said winrates ever become publicly available.

Happy balance theorycrafting everyone!

(Once again, for legal reasons, this whole post is a joke)