I'm really sorry to hear about your family situation, OP. Regret and remorse are virtues that teach many of life's most important lessons, but you can't allow them to weigh you down. We fall so we can pick ourselves up. I do hope you find peace if you are still seeking it.

As for the forums, the anonymity granted by the internet allows us to see who people truly are. They say the things that would never leave their lips in a RL conversation as there is no repercussion or consequence for it. I'm not talking about a ban from the forums, or even in game. I'm talking about degradation of character, and allowing RL people to see who they are under the mask they wear in society. Bear in mind that this falls on the laps of both the toxic, and the righteous. The latter is not exempt because many people are afraid to speak the truth when they know they will be punished for it. These people can handle facing heat and contempt on the forums opposed to things like losing their job, social status, or even a loved one. But make no mistake; they wear masks as well.

Ultimately, even though FFXIV is a game, it is still something that people invest a great amount of time into, and people will defend what they feel is right whether they are among the toxic or the righteous; or are unknowingly mutable of the two. If this is where people come to let go of that negative and/or aggressive energy, I would much rather have that happen in a thread like the one in question, than people harming others.

That is all I will say regarding this matter, other than I truly do love this community.