Rewritten MSQ - Garlemald and EW

[anhaato]

She very much had a choice. Like, she 100% had a choice to tell the truth and avoid everything.

[Rymi64]

I'm NGL this rewrite......isn't that good, i'm sorry to say. Especially when it comes to the ancient parts and especially especially Venats motivation (the complete lack of one rather) for her to cause all this in the first place.

[Lauront]

I'm NGL this rewrite......isn't that good, i'm sorry to say. Especially when it comes to the ancient parts and especially especially Venats motivation (the complete lack of one rather) for her to cause all this in the first place.

Not deferential enough to Mommy? Aw, diddums.

[Rosenstrauch]

Can I just say I am absolutely thrilled to see folks taking the initiative to imagine/write the stories they want to see? 'cause I am. It's wonderful. It almost makes me wish there was a fan content board here. I say almost because like 90% of the community for those sorts of things exist elsewhere, so it might well end up a graveyard if it existed here.

On the other hand, it being a graveyard would save me the displeasure of having to read delusional, unhinged rants about "blood gods". Also I'd have to pay money to access it, and I'm still not doing that anymore until 6.2 at the earliest.

[aveyond-dreams]

Thank you all for your comments! Though this thread has gone in...directions...I do still want to know what felt handled properly and what parts felt weak? Also to expand upon a previous critique:

Especially when it comes to the ancient parts and especially especially Venats motivation (the complete lack of one rather) for her to cause all this in the first place.

I do recognize this a weakness in my writing that didn't get as deep of an explanation compared to other things, the key thing about this Venat is that she is a deviant in that she profanes and delights in things like chaos and destruction - despite keeping up appearances and pretending otherwise. The closest analogy would be like a writer who enjoys torturing their own characters, except this version of Venat views everyone as playthings for her entertainment. She also bores easily without a care in the world for the concepts she creates and unleashes onto the world (abandoning the Loporrits, etc), so a question indirectly asked in my story is how dare someone like this take on the mantle of a goddess? That role should go to someone who truly cares and values life, rather than nurturing it only to destroy it for her entertainment and vanity.

When someone asks “goddess, why am I suffering or why are you doing this?” The answer for this Venat isn’t “I’m trying to make you stronger” it’s “Because I enjoy this.” There’s something about this twisted logic that I find both scary and compelling, especially when juxtaposed against my rewritten version of Meteion who places a high value on “extant phenomena” and genuinely believes in and loves all life forms. Deliberately torturing them is an unthinkable concept to her, with these characteristics all making her a better candidate for the world’s true goddess. Spending more time with her from the start of the expansion and watching her grow physically and emotionally would also help the player be more open to her character, rather than the rushed way in which she was originally introduced.

Also, I deliberately refused to leave the world without a goddess or supreme supernatural entity because I did not want to “kill magic” so to speak.

[Rymi64]

Not deferential enough to Mommy? Aw, diddums.

If one is gonna make a villain do something you give a reasoning for why they did it, thats simple story writing. Couldn't care less if it wasn't putting venat in a good light or not since this is a AU situation. Zenos does what he does because he wanted to feel something, Hades and the unsundered do what they do to bring back their lost civilization, Meteion does what she does because of all the sadness she absorbed from the countless lost stars they visited and the twisted answer she got from it.

Also, I deliberately refused to leave the world without a goddess or supreme supernatural entity because I did not want to “kill magic” so to speak.

Could you elaborate what you mean by "kill magic"

[Skyborne]

My condolences, it seems like this thread got linked on some sort of discord. Man with pizza walking into a flaming room.gif moment.

Thank you all for your comments! Though this thread has gone in...directions...I do still want to know what felt handled properly and what parts felt weak? Also to expand upon a previous critique:

I haven't gotten around to reading the whole thing in detail and absorb it all, but it's already better thanks to being able to actually explore Ilsaberd. I also like the Svetlana idea, as I've found it kind of baffling at how the women of the Galvus family have been... nonexistent in the story.

This would be a prime opportunity for Alphinaud to pitch the tired idea of a democracy again only for Al-Cid to laugh in his face and lambast him for trying to upend the political system the region has yearned for a return for the past several decades.

I lolled.

Personally, and this is my own taste, I would've removed timetravel entirely and have had instead use our Echo to peer into the past to find out all of this. Also, having the sundered Ascians show up to help us out -- I wouldn't blame you if you forgot about them, it seems like the writers did too. Venat, I think, works plenty well as a 'villain with good intentions' in the game as is without the narrative propping her up, but her motivations could've been elaborated on instead of being a weird confused mess of a generic 'she loves you!' support blob.

Overall I like it more than what we got already, if only because it's trying to tell a fantasy/adventure story first and foremost with a message of hope, rather than insisting on cramming the themes down my gullet like a baby bird. While 13 was not my favorite FF, I liked the Nautilus segment and what the Revelgrounds is going for... it made for more natural tension-relief moments.

I'll edit in more as more comes to mind...

[MikkoAkure]

I also like the Svetlana idea, as I've found it kind of baffling at how the women of the Galvus family have been... nonexistent in the story.

Women in Garlean culture can't rise above a certain rank (wir) and aren't allowed to inherit the throne.

I don't know where the OP got the idea of "grand duchess" but that title doesn't exist in Garlemald and their idea of Svetlana would not be able to happen. I think I remember an interview where one of the lore guys said it was another reason why Garlemald was a bad country.


Some of the writing was alright but the bits with Svetlana and Venat were kinda cringe ngl.

[Raoabolic]

Women in Garlean culture can't rise above a certain rank (wir) and aren't allowed to inherit the throne.

I don't know where the OP got the idea of "grand duchess" but that title doesn't exist in Garlemald and their idea of Svetlana would not be able to happen. I think I remember an interview where one of the lore guys said it was another reason why Garlemald was a bad country.


Some of the writing was alright but the bits with Svetlana and Venat were kinda cringe ngl.

Thing is, was it a pre zenos or post zenos lore guy? This is an important question.

[MikkoAkure]

Thing is, was it a pre zenos or post zenos lore guy? This is an important question.

Don't even know what this question means.

The lore people have been the same since mid-1.0 and are still on the production team.

It'd be pretty bizarre for Garlemald to be declared a 'bad country' for having few women in positions of power if the various matriarchal societies in game are not also declared as such.

It's not that they don't have many women in positions of highest political power, it's that they can't.

There have been male leaders of the Eorzean city-states before, they're not "matriarchal societies". That implies that only women can be in positions of power and that's not true. The only matriarchal societies I can think of are the Sahagin and the Ixal. What are you thinking of?