"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

[Makeda]

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives. It creates the same problems as being rude, expect when people openly speak and get called out for being rude sometimes apologies happen. Apologies never happen with passive aggressive behavior as it makes things fester creating resentment on both sides. This attitude is a blight upon modern society because no one has enough guts to deal with problems like adults and sit down to discuss problems.

"Co-dependent personality issue" I'm guessing.
(I think that's the term, though it's not really descriptive of the issue.)

You are finding a lot of passive-aggressive people, because it's your baseline from your background. In life we sadly tend to seek out and / or take in / most notice traits we are attuned to. It's why my sister has never dated a non-abusive man. Well once, but she dropped him for being too 'bland'...

You see it all the time. It's why another friend of mine constantly has powerful people asking him for advice or to hang out. He was raised in a super positive dynamic and raised by people that went around helping highly effective people solve their issues... so I watch the guy and he's like a magnet for good luck.

I've rarely ever found anyone passive aggressive in FFXIV. When I tried to get into Savage back in Shadowbringers I did find I kept encountering some of the same personalities that had bothered me in some content I'd run in WoW... And it's almost certainly a reflection on how I myself approached things.


It's hard to do - but you need to not carry your own baggage with you.

But where that isn't possible, and it rarely is, then it's useful to remember that we almost always find what we expect to find - so we need to work on analyzing our expectations. If you set out subconsciously expecting to encounter jerks - then you will heighten your memory of bad experiences, and shape you reaction to an experience around that, then take on conduct that encourages the experience to continue down that road.