"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

[Leifei]

Im sorry you've had a bad experience, but its important to remember that anecdotal evidence doesn't always reflect what everyone else experiences. My time has been very pleasant, I can count on one hand the number of times ive seen people being rude or even silent after a wipe that was my fault. Most of the time I simply explain my mistake and people seem to be perfectly fine with it. My experiences are anecdotal as well, clearly, but it does fall in line with the reputation that the game is known for. Ive seen very toxic games, I really dont mind them that much myself, but honestly that kind of thing makes a video game worse. Jerks being forced to remain silent in a game is quite a different situation than families who cant communicate. But regardless I hope your experience improves, and if you ever want a friendly party member who wont be passive aggressive, feel free to add me to your friends and we can run some content if your on Primal =)

This is wholesome. I like it.

[Leifei]

It's called have a civil discussion, or debate. You don't need a fight or argument to get our point across...if you do, you may want to revisit how you respond to different situations and adjust your attitude accordingly. Getting mad isn't the only option available to people.

This right here. Couldn't agree more.

[Ayer2015]

I've generally found FF14 to be a friendly community in game... some days more than others. Generally I find people place too much weight on online social interactions.

[Zanarkand-Ronso]

For me, rather than giving me the "All nice and caring spiel" tell me straight to the point what I did wrong. I dont need it to be nicely dressed, get to the point, be it with insults or without. Unlike half of the player base, I have thick skin, Call me what you want as long as it gets the point across, and I'm not so sensitive that I will report you for doing so. Saves me, you and the others time.

You dont have to sugarcoat it and be a complete weenie about it and baby someone, but simply addressing it and offering a solution is more sensible then just insulting somebody.
Maybe Im just different, but if the only criticism Im getting is I suck, then it gets me nowhere and doesn't help me improve, the only thing Im learning is your an as---le (Not you specifically lol) and Im more likely to just ignore or retaliate and be snarky.

[Brian25]

I've found the community overall is pretty friendly. Just try to avoid disagreeing with the direction of the game or give any criticism, because a portion of the community can become downright toxic when you do so.

[magtuired]

As a gay man I have to say WoW was a lot worse for me in the respects that if I even casually brought up a partner it was met with open hostility and disgust and the environment here in that regard is night and day.

That being said I would say both are equally as bad as each other. Anyone who says WoW doesn't have backhanded and passive aggressive drama has clearly never been in a guild (my old one blew up because of relationship drama) and anyone who claims the FFXIV community is all sunshine and rainbows is kidding themselves because some of the bullying that goes on especially in Novice Network is pretty nasty.

I would say the big difference is that FFXIV the greater part of the community tries to be friendly off the bat whereas with WoW you need to get to know people and run some content with them before they open up but the community is full of generous and kind people as well.

[Merrigan]

I don't understand your problem with the so-called "hypocrisy" that can exist on FFIXV.

I have some experience with MMORPGs. And I have to admit that most people don't know how to behave properly. This makes the safeguards put in place on this game necessary.

So yes: the current rules do lead to a certain hypocrisy. But if it can prevent the Sunday madman from taking his anger out on a guy who didn't ask for it... I'll buy it.

Last thing: it's naive to think that hypocrisy is not a necessity in a social context. Politeness is nothing more than a minor form of hypocrisy, and it is highly desirable to use it if you want to avoid unnecessary conflicts. So to see people complaining about this IG social polish when they use it H24 IRL... It makes me laugh.

[jadeblade]

Would you prefer Noob get better or Party just disbanding without saying anything.

I would rather party disband ,avoid Savage tier if you can’t take the competition, it is optional and it is competitive.

Join practice PF and don’t join Duty complete PF till you see ENRAGE on practice, I just finished savage P1s after 4 days of constant pugging, steady does it, focus on improving yourself. DONT EXPECT TO BE CARRIED ON SAVAGE ,ULTIMATES

Competition will make environment toxic but as long is it is civil and doesn’t end with name calling I am OK with that. FFXIV savage , Ultimate are competitive, don’t expect people to carry you. AGAIN THIS IS OPTIONAL PART OF THE GAME.

I have yet to find passive aggressive people on non competitive part of FF14, competition does interesting thing to human mind.

[LittleChickenNugget]

Not gonna read through the whole topic but yeah it's laughable. XIV is just mean girl mentality.

[Makeda]

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives. It creates the same problems as being rude, expect when people openly speak and get called out for being rude sometimes apologies happen. Apologies never happen with passive aggressive behavior as it makes things fester creating resentment on both sides. This attitude is a blight upon modern society because no one has enough guts to deal with problems like adults and sit down to discuss problems.

"Co-dependent personality issue" I'm guessing.
(I think that's the term, though it's not really descriptive of the issue.)

You are finding a lot of passive-aggressive people, because it's your baseline from your background. In life we sadly tend to seek out and / or take in / most notice traits we are attuned to. It's why my sister has never dated a non-abusive man. Well once, but she dropped him for being too 'bland'...

You see it all the time. It's why another friend of mine constantly has powerful people asking him for advice or to hang out. He was raised in a super positive dynamic and raised by people that went around helping highly effective people solve their issues... so I watch the guy and he's like a magnet for good luck.

I've rarely ever found anyone passive aggressive in FFXIV. When I tried to get into Savage back in Shadowbringers I did find I kept encountering some of the same personalities that had bothered me in some content I'd run in WoW... And it's almost certainly a reflection on how I myself approached things.


It's hard to do - but you need to not carry your own baggage with you.

But where that isn't possible, and it rarely is, then it's useful to remember that we almost always find what we expect to find - so we need to work on analyzing our expectations. If you set out subconsciously expecting to encounter jerks - then you will heighten your memory of bad experiences, and shape you reaction to an experience around that, then take on conduct that encourages the experience to continue down that road.