"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

[Razdazim]

After having been here since June or July I can say this is the biggest lie that this game's player base tells and I am sick of it. This entire problem is promoted by the heavy handedness of this games harassment policies, making it impossible to have fights and arguments in a attempt to resolve problems that instead encourages passive aggressive behavior that is just as detrimental if not worse. At least when there is fights and arguments people know where another stands, what the problem is instead of attempting to ghost and being child like. If someone has done something wrong, no matter how petty one may perceive it no one is allowed to be critical.

I am absolutely disgusted, and I hate this concept of people wanting to talk, be social and make friends one minute but without warning having done nothing people suddenly refuse to speak. It's flat out hypocritical and disingenuous.

[Jeeqbit]

Most people are open and friendly, but it's true that some people are not. The heavy-handed harassment policies help to motivate the people who are not to be more polite.

Passive-aggressiveness is better than flat out saying something rude in my opinion.

[Razdazim]

Most people are open and friendly, but it's true that some people are not. The heavy-handed harassment policies help to motivate the people who are not to be more polite.

Passive-aggressiveness is better than flat out saying something rude in my opinion.

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives. It creates the same problems as being rude, expect when people openly speak and get called out for being rude sometimes apologies happen. Apologies never happen with passive aggressive behavior as it makes things fester creating resentment on both sides. This attitude is a blight upon modern society because no one has enough guts to deal with problems like adults and sit down to discuss problems.

[Minsue]

I mean you can totally discuss problems just can't be a jerk about it. There is a big difference between hey this is the mechanics and you suck at this game.

[elizeugba]

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives.

Yeah but this is not your family, here you can just leave the group/FC and block them.

[Leifei]

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives. It creates the same problems as being rude, expect when people openly speak and get called out for being rude sometimes apologies happen. Apologies never happen with passive aggressive behavior as it makes things fester creating resentment on both sides. This attitude is a blight upon modern society because no one has enough guts to deal with problems like adults and sit down to discuss problems.

When it comes to people being passive aggressive, that's likely a learned a behavior that has been part of said person's character for a long time. In my opinion, lifting restrictions on toxic behavior won't make an indirect person become direct. To me, when people are passive aggressive, it's best not to engage them. Give them the gift of missing you by not doing content with them and not chatting with them any more. You can also call them out on their behavior without being toxic.

[Makeda]

Let me tell you something, I live in a family where passive aggressive behavior thrives. It creates the same problems as being rude, expect when people openly speak and get called out for being rude sometimes apologies happen. Apologies never happen with passive aggressive behavior as it makes things fester creating resentment on both sides. This attitude is a blight upon modern society because no one has enough guts to deal with problems like adults and sit down to discuss problems.

"Co-dependent personality issue" I'm guessing.
(I think that's the term, though it's not really descriptive of the issue.)

You are finding a lot of passive-aggressive people, because it's your baseline from your background. In life we sadly tend to seek out and / or take in / most notice traits we are attuned to. It's why my sister has never dated a non-abusive man. Well once, but she dropped him for being too 'bland'...

You see it all the time. It's why another friend of mine constantly has powerful people asking him for advice or to hang out. He was raised in a super positive dynamic and raised by people that went around helping highly effective people solve their issues... so I watch the guy and he's like a magnet for good luck.

I've rarely ever found anyone passive aggressive in FFXIV. When I tried to get into Savage back in Shadowbringers I did find I kept encountering some of the same personalities that had bothered me in some content I'd run in WoW... And it's almost certainly a reflection on how I myself approached things.


It's hard to do - but you need to not carry your own baggage with you.

But where that isn't possible, and it rarely is, then it's useful to remember that we almost always find what we expect to find - so we need to work on analyzing our expectations. If you set out subconsciously expecting to encounter jerks - then you will heighten your memory of bad experiences, and shape you reaction to an experience around that, then take on conduct that encourages the experience to continue down that road.

[Lauront]

Most people are open and friendly, but it's true that some people are not. The heavy-handed harassment policies help to motivate the people who are not to be more polite.

Passive-aggressiveness is better than flat out saying something rude in my opinion.

I beg to differ.

[Kolsykol]

Passive-aggressiveness is better than flat out saying something rude in my opinion.

Tbh I totally disagree, passive-aggressiveness is just disgusting and annoying imo.
It almost feels like bait, like they want you to get mad so that you look like the asshole.

I don't think that it's common tho in FFXIV if it's something someone runs into frequently then the issue probably lies with the common thread.

[linayar]

Tbh I totally disagree, passive-aggressiveness is just disgusting and annoying imo.
It almost feels like bait, like they want you to get mad so that you look like the asshole.

I disagree. Among strangers, you can happily be ignorant of passive aggressiveness and/or leave the person be negative on their own. Someone being rude doesn't give you that choice, which is why rudeness tends to more easily create a toxic environment.

I think where passive aggressivenes causes more grief is among close friends, but that's also the kind of social group where general rudeness is more tolerated as you have different context with your friends. So it's kind of backward when dealing with strangers.