"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

[Krotoan]

Does a positive bias exist? Where people only want to consider good interactions? Which is the other side of the coin. Which is why i feel like this game suffers from toxic positivity, because people only want to see the good, and anything else doesnt count

Negative bias is an actual adaption humans have. We are far more likely to remember negative interactions because it helped us survive. "last time I walked on those rocks it hurt a lot" is far more important to our immediate survival than "walking on the grass feels nice" and "The cave on the side of the lake has a bear that ate Thag in it" is VERY important to remember.

[Solowing]

Negative bias is an actual adaption humans have. We are far more likely to remember negative interactions because it helped us survive. "last time I walked on those rocks it hurt a lot" is far more important to our immediate survival than "walking on the grass feels nice" and "The cave on the side of the lake has a bear that ate Thag in it" is VERY important to remember.

And there is some truth to that. But does that make my experience any less valid?

[Krotoan]

And there is some truth to that. But does that make my experience any less valid?

No. But "positive bias" isn't it I think.

Toxic positivity is a thing, for sure, but it's not because of any sort of built in propensity of people to only notice positivity. More like "wishful thinking" creating toxic positivity.

[SamSmoot]

Seems ok to me, I've been playing several years now, but then I rarely talk to anyone in game other than to ask an occasional question like where the hunt train is at the moment.. In WoW, my talk was limited to announcing rares, which I later assigned to an addon to announce them automatically.

[DanielNegreanu_Adamantoise]

"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

Good that you have realized this. But now remember it, because always will be a lie

[Starshower]

It's generally true, but if you are unpleasent people won't be as nice to you. Also, I'd rather receive fake friendliness than earnest agression. The moderation is doing a good job to create a more positive environment.

[Merrigan]

I honestly find it hard to understand this kind of "problem".

Are you saying that there is a form of social hypocrisy? Well done, you've just described every form of human interaction. Your neighbour pisses you off because he's making noise while he's doing work; you won't go and smash his face in or shout at him (poor guy, he's got the right to put up his wardrobe); but you'll be moaning in your beard in your corner. That's what happens on FF, no more and no less. If I come across a challenge with a bunch of sprouts tomorrow, I'll be grumbling behind my screen. But I'll also take the trouble to explain it to them. Is this false kindness, knowing that I'd rather be with veterans who know their stuff? Yes. Is it still more pleasant for everyone? Also yes.

Another thing: in my experience, leaving it up to the players to sort things out "by themselves" has never been beneficial. No matter how much you pretend it's more constructive, in reality it leads to extraordinarily toxic communities, where you get kicked, insulted, and cursed at for trivial reasons. Let's be a little honest: humanity in online games... Is hopeless. A lot of people allow themselves to behave badly. This is a pessimistic statement, but it is true. From there, a very simple conclusion: it is necessary to reintroduce rules to replace the "social varnish" that we keep IRL.

And finally, as far as criticism is concerned: ask yourself a minimum of questions about the way you phrase things. When I see a player doing something stupid, I say so; when I see that a rotation is not mastered, I say so too. I don't hesitate to ring the bell for a healer who doesn't use a dps spell in a dungeon. And yet, I've never been banned or deferred; nobody (or almost nobody) has ever yelled at me. Because I'm polite in the way I phrase things. And here again: use your common sense. If someone comes up to you IRL and says "you're doing shit, get out of here, you'll never get it right": you'll get angry, take it badly, and generally not really listen to that person. If, on the other hand, a colleague advises you to proceed in such and such a way, to use such and such a tool instead, while remaining pleasant and encouraging: you will appreciate the advice, listen to it, and progress.

It's exactly the same thing with MMORPGs. How many times have I seen people complain about newcomers without even bothering to address them directly? "Raider leader, why did you take that guy", etc. And then the same people tell you that the community is too touchy. That's just stupid. Address the new guy directly, explain why coming without matéria is a bad idea, and you're done. I can guarantee you that it will go down better.

TDLR: I'd rather have restrictive rules than a complete jungle + stop acting as if the IG world should be a lawless space totally dissociated from IRL social rules + use your common sense, it helps in many cases (even if the "I make no effort" specs exist too, I don't deny it).