"Everyone's so open and friendly" is a lie

[DBriggs304]

Yeah its not a lie the toxicity in FFXIV is mild or inconvenient at worst. Ive played BDO, BNS and other games and THOSE games show true toxicity.

Pretty much this. Which is why the community overall is very different from others.

[MaikoRaines]

I am absolutely disgusted, and I hate this concept of people wanting to talk, be social and make friends one minute but without warning having done nothing people suddenly refuse to speak. It's flat out hypocritical and disingenuous.

Imagine having laws to prevent crime and no one to enforce them. You have basically an Azeroth situation.

The argument here is that when people are critical a lot of these passionate and "passionate" players say garbage and utter verbal diarrhea that isn't otherwise constructive to the situation. Especially in a time where there's a massive new player base and they're learning and trying to get a grip on the roles they play. You've played for not even half a year - I've been in this for 10+ and I've run WoW side by side. At least XIV has a decent amount of players who are patient - but instead you want to be an edgelord because you have an issue with "being nice" to other people and want your ability to tear into someone.

Half a year. And you're pissed off because of a "play nice and don't be a dick" rule when you're clearly complaining the team is taking your "ability" away from being a dick.

You didn't get along with other kids in school I take it?

That's how I'm reading your point. I've had 80 dozen arguments with people in game and it's not gotten me kicked out or warned at all. Because I'm not calling people "Idiots" or "losers" when they are clearly struggling with their role or there's a mechanic they don't understand. Simply saying "watch a video" is the dickhead passive aggressive way of putting someone down too. That just discourages potentially up and coming roles to just give up when they could possibly be good at the role, but that guy in Alliance C is going "Yo here's a link to this YouTuber, go watch the video and requeue after you understand" before getting vote/kicked by their group.

There will be times when I link the Discord to my FC and be like "Yo! Get in here! I'mma walk you thru this!" and believe it or not, 98% of the time they do, they listen, they learn and I just made a friend for me and my FC mates.

This is the farthest thing from a perfect community but a majority of us aren't going to sit there and "take it" by someone who hasn't had the tenure to know how actually screwed the community is. It's a far cry from perfect but a good majority are on the same page.

So yeah. Maybe consider another community or something. This doesn't seem to be your game.

I am disgusted that you want an open forum to disrespect other people. The game is fine how it is.

Don't kid yourself. It really isn't. There's a huge amount of room for improvement.

It's not as bad or as dramatic as the OP makes it. It definitely needs a lot of work. I like this community but I really dislike the amount of toxicity and entitlement in the years that have flared up. People who are willfully ignorant to the bigger topics at hand aren't band-aiding any issues or do any favors by sugarcoating it.

[FelicityC]

QUOTE TRUNCATED

This sentiment exactly. I have two modes when it comes to my impatience. Teacher mode- this is where I bottle up my annoyance and smile, politely inform people of suggestions or how to approach a situation. Or ask them if they want help, or if people who aren't speaking up need help in what to do. This is the mode when they are new players. It is easy to tell when you have so many years in these games, as you know. I love to teach new players, even if it can be frustrating at times. It feels incredibly rewarding to me to fail something badly, encourage and teach them what to do, and then watch them do it with ease without me even having to do 'extra' work. Everyone else is happy too. These are the fun times with sprouts; and a little bit of communication can go a long way in avoiding toxicity. A simple "If you're new, don't be shy, ask for help!" can mean the difference between someone silently struggling and a clean, easy run. I would much rather teach someone a single mechanic and clear the dungeon faster than start raging and bitc hing about how bad people are, only to make you waste more time by failing further. It is self-defeating and ignorant.

I have a second mode, however, and that is with clearly experienced players (the mentor stereotype, lol) who are being toxic. It is these people I have no patience for, because they should know better. Mentors that jump on the healer and tell them they're bad or need to heal more. Meanwhile, everyone is failing to do mechanics, that guy has been on the floor the whole fight. I recall specifically a mentor (while I had a crown on too) who berated me for not trying to raise anyone, when it was just me and one dps alive left. I was resetting, because resetting is the only thing we could do to not waste more time. The only reason people were dying was because some new players didn't know the mechanics, and there was no healing through that. He told the other (new, sprout) healer the same and told them to heal more.

I went off on him and asked if he was even paying attention, because no one had died from lack of healing, they were all dying from mechanics. That's me 'going off on someone'. I never call anyone anything or personally attack them. So many people do, and then complain they're being censored. You can make your complaints known without being offensive. It's not passive aggressive, it's just thoughtful criticism. There is a big difference, and the difference is your own confidence.

I have countless little stories of helping people. I have been toxic as everyone has, but every time I was, it only hurt everyone and made everything take longer.

I believe the phrase "don't worry about not doing well if you're new, as long as you're learning something" can mean a lot to new players, and I say it often. New players are anxious about being bad, but they're just learning, and it takes time.

[Arazehl]

What a baited thread this was. So many bites.

[MaikoRaines]

I have countless little stories of helping people. I have been toxic as everyone has, but every time I was, it only hurt everyone and made everything take longer. I believe the phrase "don't worry about not doing well if you're new, as long as you're learning something" can mean a lot to new players, and I say it often. New players are anxious about being bad, but they're just learning, and it takes time.

I'm not perfect. The farthest thing. I've had my moments of falling off the wagon and just participating in bashing. But when I started taking steps backwards some years back I'd try to look at it outside of the box and consider that "hey this person's new" so lets get them into my Discord and give them a push. Everyone learns at different paces and some might require a little hand holding. But for the hands I've "held" most of the time, they'll come back to me and outpace me in the role I was giving them a hand in.

And I'm perfectly happy when someone who was struggling begins to show me up and puts me in my place.

I'm not better than the next person. Better informed? Sure. That also depends because I've had 10 years of experience in this game and was subject to all of the changes, the fights, the mechanics, the classes. So lets pass down some of my experience and advice to someone who is receptive. They did after all take the time and money to purchase the game, choose the class that they wanted to try and I want them to genuinely succeed at it.

I'm not gonna tell someone, anyone, to "watch a video" because I never do. I learn the things I do because I tuck my pantlegs into my socks and go in knee deep. That's how I learn. Hands on experience. Most of the people who struggle and take the time to hear me out eventually learn and then demonstrate it better than I can put it into words.

I think if more people were willing to lend and bend an ear to someone struggling at a fight, tackle it with a little bit of empathy, we'd have the ground work to potentially a much better community. Unfortunately we'll always have impatient gatekeeping perverted edgelords here - and we just have to be vigilant about how we handle it. We don't know the person behind the keyboard. A lot of us play this game to escape IRL stuff or to find enjoyment.

Who are we to take that away from them?

Sarcasm aside, if you start to listen to ppl here everyone is depressed antisocial stressed and triggered by everything you can say and that's normal to put up with terrible ppl both skillwise or attitude because you must be friendly at all cost no matter how bad and lazy they are, so yay best community ever yay.

Syntax Genocide not withstanding....

This quote here is one of many perfect examples of what I mean when people are less constructive and more targeting of the problem rather than hammering out a solution or taking the time to help. Just because you have a garbage situation in your real life happening doesn't mean you should be taking it out on people who are using the game to escape their troubles and cope.

And "yay best community ever yay" isn't putting aside sarcasm. It's just further cementing the issues I lay out and people like you who aren't willing to help out the community aside from throwing more tires on the fire.

[BaconBits]

Man, I yearn for the days of being able to roast someone so hard their entire family would feel it for generations to come, only for them to retaliate with a tactical nuke that would leave nothing but a smoking crater and broken dreams. Nothing builds camaraderie like vigorously insulting someone's lineage over a rousing game of Minecraft.

No /s here btw.

[Doc_Seraph]

Kupo, if you see me in Jenova I will hug you and toss flowers! <3 kupo

[Alleluia]

OPs like this make me feel like I've been playing an entirely different game than everyone else for the past 8 years. I can count my memorably bad experiences on 1 hand, and that's with PUGing the (slight) majority of my content. Every 6-12 months or so, there might be some FC drama btwn two or more members.

Are you sure people aren't just being passive and you are taking it as passive-aggressive b/c you're expecting a negative response? And if they are truly being passive-aggressive to the point where its annoying you, just calmly and maturely call them out? Or block and move on? No one thinks that there aren't jerks who play this game, but I think its silly to say the general impression of the community as friendly and helpful, or at least quiet and inoffensive, is a lie. In my several years of experience, it accurately describes the majority of the playerbase. Maybe you've just had a run of bad luck.

[Riastrad]

Just make new friends. If it becomes too much of a problem that people don't want to talk to you after awhile, well then the answer is in the mirror.

[TheMightyMollusk]

I tend to be standoffish and overly sarcastic, and yet I've never run into these passive-aggressive rude people that everyone complains about, or gotten a warning about it. How odd.

Maybe it's because when I feel like it, I can actually converse like a reasonable person, and if the other person doesn't reciprocate, I can just walk away and let them stew in their own salt instead of wasting my time and energy on it. Probably comes from working in retail for so long and knowing when it's not worth trying to talk to people who clearly just want drama.