Overcome some trauma

[Packetdancer]

I do think it's important to know what you want in an FC.

• Some folks are just looking for facilities -- an FC house, the FC buffs, etc. -- and don't really want to do things with an FC.
• Some folks are looking to go hardcore on endgame content, wanting to run savages and ultimates and so on, and want an FC of like-minded sorts that will do that.
• Some folks just want an FC that's a community, with no specific focus but willing to do a wide variety of stuff together.

...and so on. For me, the third point proves to be what I wanted; my FC is a reasonably active mid-sized group, where we have folks with a wide enough variety of interests to be into everything. Savage raiding, blue mage content, big fishing, mahjong, whatever it is there's someone who really loves it and is more than happy to share that enthusiasm if asked. Folks will happily put together groups to teach endgame extreme and savage stuff, or just happily help sprouts run dungeons. It's a nice chill group, very accepting -- we have a number of trans folks in the FC, so the one hard rule is that anyone who joins must be LGBT-friendly, as we're not going to let jerks ruin the group for those members -- and I'm very happy with it. This is my "forever home" in FFXIV.

But if I'd been going hardcore on just endgame content and wanted a group that was going to be focused on "Let's put together optimal groups to get in the maximum amount of time trying to run serious high-tier endgame content!", even with as nice as the members all are, this FC would've been a bad match for me; that's just not the focus of the FC.

[Kolsykol]

A lot of FC's are run by irl friends and it can be hard to fit into that.
I always feel kinda left out in FC's and Guilds partly it's my own fault because I am very quiet and keep to myself but then sometimes when you try to chime in you can kinda get this feeling that everyone is all like '' wtf who is this and why are they injecting themselves? '' even if it's very casual.
Funnily enough I've actually adopted that to my character in FFXIV too which kinda makes sense with the whole '' nodders '' situation in the narrative.
But I treat my character almost as a mute and mostly communicate in groups with emotes unless more is necessary.
But I am also quick to help.

I remember in Guild Wars 2 for example I joined a Guild on day one and stuck with it for years, I have social anxiety so I rarely speak on voice chat especially with strangers.
I interacted with people in the Guild but the Guild was run mainly by a group of friends who kinda for the most part only interacted with each other unless they needed something and none of the others were online.
They basically acted like no one else in the Guild existed unless it benefited them.
One time they needed someone for PvP and I offered to join and one of them told me to join the voice chat for easy communication ( one of the nicer ones ).
The moment I said hello I could feel how the atmosphere did a complete 180, it was super friendly at first and they were joking around etc but the moment someone else joined and said hi things became extremely awkward and silent.
I just got this sense of '' who tf is this intruding on us? '' and this was on our official Guild Discord with the chat open for everyone so it wasn't like I just randomly joined their private chat.
But few times have I ever felt so unwelcome before and because of my anxiety it really messed with me.

I guess my point is that it might be a good idea to join a FC that isn't a bunch of friends who made their own FC.
It's not like it'll always be a problem but I think that cliques forming is natural regardless, but those cliques are probably going to be worse and more closed off if they're friends irl too.
Not saying it's always the case it might be the opposite and they're really open but just statistically speaking it's probably true.

And I also think that partly it's a problem with me and might be with you too if you have similar issues irl.
Keeping at arms length is something I kinda do just instinctually and I do want my personal space.
At the same time tho I also don't want to feel like a complete stranger when I interact with people or have people make snide remarks towards me basically being all like '' who tf is this ''.
Especially if I've been in a Guild or whatever for years.

Just try to be friendly and help if people ask for it, but if you start noticing passive aggressive behaviour and the like towards you it might be best to just leave and move on.
Or if you have the stomach for it actually voice your concerns because it might also be a misunderstanding they might not realize how you're taking it.

[Dreamsoap]

Hey everyone. Got a question for all of you. I love ff14 and some of the community for the most part. Unfortunately I been in a FC or 2 that have bullied me in the past hardcore and made me very weary of FC's now especially big FC's. I made my own and kept to myself but it's sucks being solo and makes it boring sometimes.

I do try to make friends if or when I can but keep people at arms length for I guess safety reasons. I would like to make some friends and hopefully trust people again. I was in a FC just earlier but left it since it made me feel uncomfortable and brings back bad memories.

Any ideas or advice I can do? I own my FC like I said just like to be able to trust people again and make some friends and have fun again

I faced abuse in my first one too (it was the largest FC on the server - not Malboro.) Did yours happen to be a large one too? I've found the best ones tend to be small and mid size FCs that are still new, you will find a small pop but highly active and highly invested in the few members they do have.

[Arazehl]

Hey everyone. Got a question for all of you. I love ff14 and some of the community for the most part. Unfortunately I been in a FC or 2 that have bullied me in the past hardcore and made me very weary of FC's now especially big FC's. I made my own and kept to myself but it's sucks being solo and makes it boring sometimes.

I do try to make friends if or when I can but keep people at arms length for I guess safety reasons. I would like to make some friends and hopefully trust people again. I was in a FC just earlier but left it since it made me feel uncomfortable and brings back bad memories.

Any ideas or advice I can do? I own my FC like I said just like to be able to trust people again and make some friends and have fun again

I suggest using Community Finder. Read what each FC there has to say for themselves. If their discription is vague, then ask questions. What do they expect from you as a player in their FC? What is their policies/rules? Is it a no obligation to just try out their FC? I agree too large of an FC (hundreds of active members) you can get lost in the sea of players. Too small, it's activity is limited base on peak play times of it's members. The rest of the time it's dead. I suggest looking for a happy medium and even then it's no guarantee.

If you own your own FC, then you should seek out members that suit you and your play style and build it from their. Like someone mentioned your social ability is your own personal journey that you'll have to work out for yourself. You have plenty of options as a starting point.

[Lunalepsy]

Hey everyone. Got a question for all of you. I love ff14 and some of the community for the most part. Unfortunately I been in a FC or 2 that have bullied me in the past hardcore and made me very weary of FC's now especially big FC's. I made my own and kept to myself but it's sucks being solo and makes it boring sometimes.

I do try to make friends if or when I can but keep people at arms length for I guess safety reasons. I would like to make some friends and hopefully trust people again. I was in a FC just earlier but left it since it made me feel uncomfortable and brings back bad memories.

Any ideas or advice I can do? I own my FC like I said just like to be able to trust people again and make some friends and have fun again

You are strong!

[TaleraRistain]

Hey fellow Jenovan! I said no way to big FCs a while ago, too. I have my own quiet, mainly solo one with a handful of friends who pop on here and there. I do my socializing in linkshells.

The most important thing about being in the game in regards to FCs is doing things how you want and what makes you most comfortable.

[KitKatnip]

This is probably not the advice you were seeking but, since you were bullied, I'm going to go ahead and give you the advise you didn't really ask for. If you don't have a therapist, I recommend you get one. If you do, it would benefit you greatly to discuss this issue with them. They can help you sort through your feelings about what happened and give you tools to overcome your hesitancy to trust people, including learning how to set boundaries so you don't get bullied again. With greater clarity and understanding, you can work on building new friendships/relationships.

[_Pigzig]

novice network is my fc

[Sotaris]

I created my own FC together with 3 friends in start of SHB. From the start I knew I did not want it to be a big FC, so I never go over 40 members (usually only 20 or so active) so everyone has a chance to get to learn each other and stuff like that.

I don't do any recruitment in-game cause I don't believe you get quality members by shouting all day and it will only cause you having a huge amount of members which would go against my first rule.

I recruit only on reddit and it worked wonders for us. I have an officer that recruit in-game by playing with people if they without a FC however but the quality and activity been mixed so your milage may vary.

The important thing is setting up your own rules how you want to run your fc and what makes you comfortble. My FC is solely focusing on being a social and doing events together, we are raiding in EW but in more of a casual having fun doing it type of static.

Hope it helps a little bit.

novice network is my fc

oof

[Izar_Chillen]

thank you all I shall try just baby steps I guess. If anyone is ever on Aether or Jenova say hi

Take it easy , and let nature take its course. Like minded folk will quite often in games like these come together eventually . It may be something that triggered amusement in a roulette during a convo, members of the party may have with you . It may be simply because someone enjoys your glam style , or something alike.

Great things come to those that wait.


Im not on either Aether or Jenova , but I will say Hi , regardless.

Hi , and best wishes.