Holy cannoli am I happy this forum allows for post history to be browsed. I only wished checking occurred sooner, I would have said less (thank you kind other Lala). I am sleepy but many thanks for engaging my feist and allowing me to vent some of it. Friends are sleeping and I already burdened them enough!

English speaking mentality is most unusual indeed! The term is theory of mind and I am struggling here with it. Perhaps it was upbringing or cultural stuffs but when I first started playing this or any game I learn as much as I can. I do not wish to be a burden to my team so I must play as best I can play. That there are some out there not using powerful or useful abilities because.. they do not like the way they look or chose not to read their skills astounds me. All that time I was queuing as my worst class (black mage), each time I let my umbral phase drop my stomach would follow. The whooooole day I played it each mistake brought sadness. My friends pushed me to continue playing it or I would never learn so I did, my first fight at level 60 after not playing it for months was the The Soul of the Creator.

I had only completed this once so was attempting to remember the mechanics while forming my 60 rotation within the mind, I was so so very nervous. I completely botched the opener, forgot to sharpcast my first thunder, forgot for a moment I had fire four and missed several fire 4 casts. I also forgot to remember Fire 4 and Blizzard 4 can only be cast under enochian which means I missed casts under enochian losing more deeps. "I am only five on aggro, I am wasting everyone else's time and failing the team. I am wasting my partner's time." I thought to myself.

We wipe to the phase where the tanks must limit break and laugh, the group twas super fricken friendly. We all forgot about that because many fights do not require the tank lb3 at all. I feel relieved because now I can remember what I learned during our first wipe. This time I will not forget my opener and I will not miss those two fire 4 casts. Annnnnd, I did it! Sure, I dropped enochian during phase transitions or by attempting to sneak in that extra fire 4 before fire 1 (I had no fire 3 procs ) because the add I targeted died before cast finished.

It was not towards the end of the fight that it all began to click, the rotation suddenly made sense in my mind. All because I listened to family and friends and pushed myself. I stayed alive too and avoided all avoidable damage, I only perished when we wiped yet still I felt I had done awfully. I did not even wish to look at the "damage logs" yet I did and.. I did top damage!

All that worrying, all that fear of letting the team down and now I have this thought that for all those times I felt this way someone on my team was not pressing their buttons because "I do not like how that spell looks". Huh. Thanks, I hate it?