A Modest Proposal For Preventing the Children of Poor Ishgardians From Being A Burden

[TitanMen]

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through Ishgard or travel in Coerthas, when they see the streets, the roads, and inns, the Brume crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by half a dozen children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time strolling in the Foundation to beg sustenance for their helpless elezen children, who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear Holy See to become vagabonds in Dravania, or sell themselves to the Lominsan pirates.

I think it is agreed by all that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the realm of Hydaelyn and a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the city states would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a Warrior of Light.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for years upon this important subject, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, an Elezen child just dropped from its dame may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of twenty gil, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the clerics, or wanting food and clothing for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.

I therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by a very knowing Garlean of my acquaintance in Garlemald, that a young healthy Elezen well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a Dhalmel fricassee or a Heavensegg soup.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males, which is more than we allow to karakuls or chocobos; and my reason is that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our Eorzean savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

[SturmChurro]

The logistics of that idea sound insane. I have a far more simple solution: Send them to Grelod the Kind in Riften.

I didn't even read it. Way too long.

Grelod the kind wouldn't work, she is doomed to meet her end for all time. So the hero can start a questline.

[Yshtola]

This is not a roleplay forum...

[YatoShishi]

can we stop all those non sense posts?

[YellowCrystarium]

You're sooo obsessed with children wow.

[Akatosh]

...an attempt at parodying Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”? Well then, that was something I never expected to see on the ff14 forums. Quite frankly, I’m not sure how I should react.

[Godzillaxpowerrangers]

Popcorn time for thos one.