For some reason I cannot seem to download the latest patch for anything. I boot up the patcher and it looks like it's going to be all fine and dandy then I get stuck with 10 or so Local connections, 0 Remote connections an Upload Speed of anywhere from 55.7 kb/s to 300.0 kb/s and a download speed of 0.0kb/s. Needless to say it's not very much fun.

Please Help. I've tried everything I know to do including but not limited to: disabling anti-virus, restarting computer, opening ports, screaming, cursing, throwing things.