Harassment and abuse in FF14

[LisSquid]

Very sorry to hear what happened to you. That said... based on this overwhelming giant mess of a text wall, I'm assuming on some level you yourself are far more likely to be a target then most people on here.

I echo this. Reading through that whole page reminded me a lot of a friend of mine who has delusions of gangstalking. Not saying that this is all a fabrication of OPs mind, but it is a certain mindset that makes you very vulnerable. GL OP, but this really isn't SE's wheelhouse.

[MilkieTea]

OP, while I sympathize with being manipulated, what you are describing seems to me, to be a psychotic break and symptomatic of a much larger issue at hand.

I will not say you were not abused, gaslit, and manipulated - because you very well could have experienced that! But this sounds like the stress of it all triggered some sort of psychosis. My mother is bipolar schizophrenic, also referred to as schizoaffective disorder. She was gaslit by my father and emotionally abused to the point that people saying innocuous innocent things felt like they were saying them about HER, to HER, even hearing people say things they never said. His abuse triggered such an intense episode of psychosis that she was convinced that my father had an intricate web of people spanning all across the state of New Jersey, that were placed specifically to abuse her, manipulate her, and coerce her into things she otherwise would not do.

This sounds a lot like how my mother described her experiences.

I urge you to seek out help in the real world, be it through authorities, mental health counseling, resources for those who have been abused, etc etc, as there’s not much we can do here.

[Awha]

Can you cite your sources on this?

Have no source outside of my own personal experience. Though given the nature of online encounters how easier it is to create a false persona I do not see any reason to view it any other way. As mentioned it is not easy to manipulate someone irl but just given the nature of online it is tad easier to do that is all.

[SturmChurro]

To be fair, stress can cause all manner of strange things to happen to the mind or body. With that said, this does seem like one of those situations where the best solution is probably for the OP to just go cold turkey and leave the game entirely or seek out a fresh start with a brand new account so that those in opposition cannot track or trace her.

It's unfortunate that there are those out there who would target a person like this, and do this in the first place. It's terrible that to continue playing a game they may enjoy, doing what you suggest may be the only option.

[Vahlnir]

It's unfortunate that there are those out there who would target a person like this, and do this in the first place.

It's the world we live in, unfortunately.

[Penthea]

Massive wall of text here, I have tried to shorten it but I have a lot of things to say about this topic.

The people who are suggesting to merely "block and move on" don't understand that it's not always that simple to solve. Manipulators who are good at what they do appear to be allies to their victims. Very often when the victim realises what has been happening the damage has already been done.

Manipulators play the long game. They don't begin with super obvious harsh toxic behaviour that would turn off most people. They plant seeds and very carefully influence how they grow. Some of seeds are little snippets of doubt they gently push onto the victim about their friends and family, while the manipulator presents themselves as an ally to the victim often trying to appear as the only person that can be trusted. Some manipulators employ similar tactics to the victim's friends and family behind their back with the intention of widening the gap of trust between the victim and those important to them.

Manipulators are dangerous not only because of the above, but also because they deal in half truths. They give enough information to people that seems plausible or that they know to be true but twist it enough to make others look bad. Often by the time the manipulator's true colours come out to the victim it's too late because the manipulator already successfully tarnished the victim's reputation among their friends and family. And when the victim lashes out over their realisation that they have been deceived they are "proving" to the others that the manipulator's claims of unreasonable behaviour to be true. The best manipulators have the victim play right into their hand even when the victim finally knows exactly what was going on.

However not all manipulators try to appear as the victim's ally, some try to pose as a victim themselves with tales of how they're being mistreated and they use half truths to bring enough validity to their story that the true victim ends up acting on their behalf to protect them by doing things such as cut off friends the manipulator claims were mistreating them. And when the true victim realises what the manipulator has done it's often too late. Trust has been broken, ties have been severed and sometimes this is beyond repair.

And sometimes you have manipulators who pose as both a victim and as the only person the true victim can trust.

Blocking only works if you realise what is happening early on, and very often those who haven't experienced this behaviour before are unable to see the red flags because they're well hidden. If you realise what's happening only after the damage has been done blocking and moving on frequently means cutting yourself off from a large group of people and finding yourself completely alone. And sometimes it doesn't end there. Sometimes the manipulator continues their work to keep you isolated and track down the new people in your life to make sure you remain alone.

I'm speaking from experience and it started in an online game. Someone I thought was a dear friend absolutely ruined wonderful relationships with people important to me who I had known for several years both in-game and in real life. Leaving the group wasn't enough to free myself from their actions. For months they continued to pursue me when I was desperately trying to leave that chapter behind. It only stopped when I completely retired my social media accounts and made new ones on only some. Others I entirely left behind. I also cut myself off from anyone who was on speaking terms with the bully even if they weren't friends. I had to make myself incredibly difficult to find to make the abuse stop.

However while that ordeal was horrible to go through it equipped me the knowledge of how to see manipulative behaviour in the early stages. Someone manipulative ended up joining my fc but I realised what they were doing before they could do any lasting damage. I did get some crap from people for being "too harsh" with how I dealt with that person, but they later proved to the others that they were exactly who I said they were so then their plans blew up in their face and they found themselves being in the isolation they intended to be for their victim. My past as a victim saved my fc from someone who is extremely toxic.

These people are everywhere. And sadly due to the nature of how they choose to do their actions GMs often lack the context to understand why something is as bad as you claim because they don't know the specifics of your life and those of the others involved. They can only act upon the exact things you report, they cannot see the full picture. If the toxic person is using multiple accounts to do their deeds then it's near impossible to prove that all these accounts belong to the same person. Not even an individual paying for all those accounts is proof that they are active on all of them. And in my case the majority of the abuse happened on multiple platforms unrelated to the game we played so getting GMs involved would have achieved nothing. There was no figure of authority that had reign over all the platforms so there was no one who could step in to make it stop.

Please spread the word if you can. Share it with your friends. Be extremely cautious about all of your online contacts. And stay safe.

Some advice I can give to anyone wanting to avoid the sort of thing OP and I went through:

Be very wary of anyone who has many bad things to say about the people they keep around them and tries to get close to you very quickly. This isn't always a definite sign that a person is toxic, but consider it an orange flag to warn you that things may not be as they seem. Something isn't right when a person chooses to keep company they claim is making them unhappy while also pairing it with trusting someone they don't know very well and try to convince them to agree with them.

Be wary of someone who makes jokes at the expense of others, especially if it appears they target one person more either with more jokes or using specific topics that are sensitive to the victim. That is another tactic manipulators use to try to make the victim look bad. Either with the jokes themselves making them look bad, or trying to make it appear that the victim is too sensitive if they complain because those complaints can be met with "I make jokes about everyone".

Don't think "what they did was bad but they never did that to me so I will continue to be good friends with them". When an abuser is done with one victim they will move on to another one and it's only a matter of time until that person is you. See how the people around you treat others to gauge what they're really like. This doesn't mean cut someone off as soon as you see them mistreat someone repeatedly, sometimes people going through a hard time can end up being unpleasant as a coping mechanism. Talk with the person to let them know their behaviour needs to change. If over time they only reduce the severity, only do it behind the victim's back, or simply move on to mistreating someone else that's the point when it's clear that there are serious red flags. There is no good excuse to repeatedly bully people.

Furthermore, relating to the above, if you stay with a person simply because they never directed their toxicity to you, then you are sending a message that their behaviour is okay as long as it's on specific targets. And all that does is encourage the bully to simply choose their victims more carefully, not that they shouldn't abuse anyone.

If someone is constantly belittling you under the guise of "I'm only trying to help you become better" they're not your friend. Even when pointing out bad things real friends will also point out the good. They won't make you feel like your entire personality it just one big flaw.

If someone is repeatedly begging for your silence on how you're being bullied or are guilting you into it then they're not your friend. I found this out the hard way. Real friends won't ask you to endure unnecessary hardship just so they can have a quiet life.

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OP I'm very sorry you went through so much harassment. You're very brave to come forward with this topic as it's something that can invite a lot of criticism or even make your abuser have another opportunity to be horrible to you. I don't have any words to say that can make it better. I can only hope that like me you now know how to see the signs of manipulative behaviour sooner so you can avoid it or stop it before any real damage is done. It isn't easy to recover from something like this. What happened to me was many years ago and it still affects me today.

You said that blocking that person hasn't stopped the abuse, you may have to do what I did and completely retire your social media accounts and make new ones. I was going to go into detail about everything I did but it has occurred to me your abuser might read it. Let me know if you're interested in having a conversation about this and I will meet you in-game.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope better days are ahead of you.

[Awha]

Laws need to better reflect and be adjusted for the issues such as these. I get it is murky but protections need to be put in place within this digital age that are more pro active instead of reactive. There needs to be better education across the board to help everyone potentially mitigate and identify such threats.

Though I get education may not have a positive effect I am not sure how the statistically data regarding sex Ed and drug teaching and what impact it had. Though I think anything is better then what we have. Though I do get also issues such as this are hard to educate those who have already suffered cause many of this steps within our current system do seem to place majority of the responsibilities on the victim. Which is hurtful.

[MrPresident]

I got lost when you started talking about milk but sorry you’re having a bad time on the game. As others have said just blacklist any account they try and message you on.

[Theodric]

I got lost when you started talking about milk but sorry you’re having a bad time on the game. As others have said just blacklist any account they try and message you on.

The problem with the blacklist feature is that it only applies to specific characters and that even after a name change or server change it's very easy to track someone down on the lodestone since the character ID doesn't change. Furthermore, committed abusers will absolutely seek out creative ways to get around restrictions. They might decide to pursue someone outside of the game. They might enlist other players to get in contact on their behalf, sometimes under the guise of something seemingly innocent such as a 'surprise party'. Which, of course, naturally feeds into paranoia and isolation for the victim.

[ZedxKayn]

It shouldn’t really get to this point in the first place? Blocking exists. Blacklist exists. Name change exists. There’s so many ways you can prevent it and go in the opposite direction. It’s an online game, if people can’t handle it then they shouldn’t really be online.

I would agree if the block and blacklist features actually did something and characters' IDs weren't public.