Disturbing FC Behavior

[SeaFoam]

So I've been in clans on other games, seen many rise and fall. Even though mmo clans are somewhat different the same problems still plague them. Today I will talk about the biggest problem I see in FCs.

FCs with pre-established friend groups.
1. Friend groups have a predisposition to show hostility to outsiders.

-At first people are nice when recruiting but, if you try to have a conversation that goes beyond the phrases "I need help" or "let's do dailies" the problems start. Quickly you find that they just wanted a lot of people in the guild. Not for socializing, just for the numbers.

2. Here is where the the passive aggression starts, if not out right aggression.

-So you try to conversate but unfortunately your attempts may include things like: why are so many races 90% human and 10% cat ears? Or what do you think would be cool for endwalker?

-Beyond this, going into the realm of idol chatting, or having an opinion about something. You may have heard it before, people saying ff14 players are nice till you disagree or think out loud at all.

-Friend groups by default have an us vs them mentality. You may say "that's not true me and my friends help people all the time" or "we aren't toxic". Think on this, there are FCs that try to absorb as many people as possible and once you are in they don't want to socialize. They view other players that aren't associated with their friend group as a burden or a problem. These burdensome new arrivals are then treated to passive aggressive comments to publicize their alienation from the group.

3. Everyone has seen this

-Imagine you are at a party, you start a conversation with some people. For the sake of argument its about cake. Everyone has a collective love of cake but, you think cake could be more diverse in its colors, or larger in size, or presentation. The response you get among other things is "ahh". What? What does that mean are you scared? Should we get you some help? Do you need some milk? Did your brain turn off?

-Things like this signal to the others if they have not already been avid when displaying their distain that:
-This guy is a weirdo
-We should not associate with this one
-He/She is causing problems we all must act like this person is crazy

4. Conclusion

-You can have a friend group its fine but, don't shun people you invited to the party. Why invite them at all unless you enjoy spreading as the kids say, "bad vibes".

-Stick to your groups and remember that if you want to invite people to your FC you all must be welcoming even after the welcoming process is done. Don't perpetuate the culture of fake positivity ff14 has become known for. Be open to new things, ideas, and people. I'll end with a quote from an anime you might know "If you are always looking down on everyone, you never see your own weaknesses".

Edit years later:
I wrote this post a long time ago, when my writing wasn't as refined. I obviously knew how cringe and absurd some parts of it were. At the time I was stressed and angry about a lot of things but, mainly how "friends" treated me. Some people agreed with the post and some people just said that everything was my fault. To those people that said I was the problem in a very harsh way. I would say, I bet you don't talk to yourself that way. If I believed it every time someone said that it was my fault I would be in a much worse place. This post bothered me and I wanted to delete it. Unfortunately, that is not an option. Some time after the horrible events of this post, fc hopping, and ultimately leaving the game. I returned, and found an fc that was full of friendly people and for the first time, all the way into shadow bringers, I had fun. After the expansion I left for a long time then returned again. I stay to myself now, and rarely engage with people for my own well being. I'm never going to look at this thread again or be bothered by it. I don't care what anyone writes in the thread I've been called worse just for trying out white mage.

[Valkyrie_Lenneth]

My fc went through a recruiting phase once. We could never get people to talk or participate after they got in. It ended up being just those of us original to the fc doing things, so we kicked them and never tried again.


It goes both ways

[Wasselin]

I do not think that FFXIV has a reputation for "fake positivity." It sounds like maybe you have joined FCs that aren't the right fit for you. After the initial welcoming phase where people get to know each other it may turn out that you just aren't really a good match. That's on you, not the FC. Leave and try out a new one. An FC isn't required to "be open to new things, ideas, and people" if it doesn't mesh well with their already established vibe.

[Kikoten]

Sounds like my workplace.

But yes, I can see where you're coming from. While I haven't been an integral part of anyone else's FC except my RL friend's, which I'm still a part of, I can say I've seen that sort of behavior in more public spaces, where many people congregate to idle and chat, craft, or peruse the markets. I've been part of a treasure hunt group where I learned the leader was angry at me, yet no arguments were had between us, no disagreements, no hostilities--nothing. I was simply not part of that person's friend circle, and to this day, I'll never know what I did to make them so angry. They wouldn't talk to me. None of their friends would. It's very much like high school, but worse. It's worse because a lot of us didn't give a damn about high school, but we all care about FFXIV (to an extent). Some of us are more social than others.

At the end of the day, I feel like the only way to overcome it is to--if I may also quote something I enjoy, it's from a band I like--"take yourself to higher places."

[Shibi]

The nature of humanity is that not everyone will get together. People need time to warm up.

I used to run a large top level guild in EQ2, and I always did find that personalities clash. Some people just were not suitable for the group and while we worked to make them welcome, it was better when they left.

Keep searching for your FC, and try to find a group of like minded people, you will find the fit is much better at that point. From this one quote below, it makes me think you need to search for a Ronso exclusive FC.

So you try to conversate but unfortunately your attempts may include things like: why are so many races 90% human and 10% cat ears?

[Theodric]

I've always found the FFXIV community to be pretty difficult to engage with. To many, everything is a potential issue, a difference in opinion - even in regards to fictional characters - is the worst crime one can commit and there's an unhealthy obsession with trying to use the game itself as a platform for speaking about complicated issues. In my experience, it's far more common over on the North American servers compared to the European or Japanese servers which tend to be quieter.

I ended up settling for a two man FC which suits me just fine, though I do miss how much easier it was to organise group activities back when I played WoW. I've encountered a lot more in the way of broken promises, flaky individuals and a lack of commitment to one's goals even when it comes to casual content such as treasure maps.

[Kes13a]

I am not wanting to be "that person" but if you have nothing but problems in FC's, maybe the problem is you.

Not all FC's are the same, I have been in a few and never felt like an outsider in any of them. Do I "fit" in all of them, no, which is why we parted company. The one I am in currently, I certainly am not a founding member by any stretch of the imagination, but I think we have always been friendly and welcoming. There are people in the FC that do their own thing, or are not comfy around people, but they are just as welcome as anyone else, and everyone tries to help out in whatever way they can.

Maybe you joined one too large, or too small. you seriously need to determine what YOU are looking for, and go from there. but if everything always ends the same way, my thoughts are its not the FC....

[Keramory]

Been lucky that I haven't seen this beyond the normal expectations.

Think it's fair human nature, even as fc OGs or leaders to have an unbalanced amount of attention on a small group over the rest. People you hang out with daily or do progression with.

That said every FC without exception has been great in terms of including others or helping out. This from 1.0 to now and across 4-5 servers. Even my fc now which is clearly a small group of friends include me, the loner, every chance they can.

That doesn't discount anything you said, I'm just very surprised

[SenorPatty]

My problem is that I feel like I'm try to fight my way out of folding onto myself too hard and eventually end up losing, thus regressing back to invisibility status and ultimately vanishing from all social interactions--all the while being in a fc. Which sucks because I do my best to social and greet, maybe put up a joke or two but I just sink right back into being one with a wall, then feel like I don't fit even though FCs haven't done anything to make me feel excluded out of anything.

To quote Alisae to myself : "Why are you like this?"

[Chie_M]

-Imagine you are at a party, you start a conversation with some people. For the sake of argument its about cake. Everyone has a collective love of cake but, you think cake could be more diverse in its colors, or larger in size, or presentation. The response you get among other things is "ahh". What? What does that mean are you scared? Should we get you some help? Do you need some milk? Did your brain turn off?

This is pretty socially unacceptable behaviour in any setting. Methinks the problem is you.