Good Lord I don't know what to say. Having made so many wonderful connections through this game and my fc I felt so sad while reading your post because I know I would be devastated if I lost any of the people I play with. Even thinking about it happening upsets me. I can't imagine how it must feel to experience it. I am so sorry you have to carry the emotional weight of a loss like this. And it appears you didn't even get to say goodbye. This is heartbreaking