The Sheperd's Notebook

[Lutefisk]

Let's Replay Shadowbringers: Episode 4

A Beeautiful Plan

How many armies is one Rosetta Stone worth?

Put to the Proof

The Great Serpent is very good civilization.

Seems like the Ronkans were also supporters of the idea that harmony is preferable to truth.

The Burden of Knowledge - The Death of a Million Is a Necessity

What does it feel like to walk on knives?

Everything about Hydaelyn is so goddamn corny that I've never been able to take her seriously as a character and the cognitive dissonance isn't doing her any favors either. Her only purpose to exist is to break things apart and yet she has the gall to claim that she's ”all made one”? That's some Olympic-level mental gymnastics right there.

The Best Way Out - A Wizard Is Never Late

That reptile sure loves to talk about himself in the second person.

Truth becomes fiction when the fiction's true;
Real becomes not-real where the unreal's real.
A silly little reference to a silly little story. Even if the goats were to hear it from the horse's mouth they'd still try to argue that his talk about deception being indistinguishable from truth is actually meant to be some sort of hard confirmation from the writers that you can't take anything he says at face value.

The Trolley Problem

I haven't read about happy and unhappy families yet but many, many moons ago I pored over the pages of that other book. The only thing I can remember from it is the commentary on Napoleon.

We're not thieves, we're a band of wandering marauders.

A Dirty Job

How many semiconductors does it take to repair a shattered sky?

Have a Heart

A furniture's wit cannot defy the decrees of fate and a mechanical nightingale is no substitue for the real thing.

More Than a Hunch

It's causality, I ain't gotta explain it!

Return to Eulmore - Mr. Raskolnikov's Extracurricular Lesson

Would you shut up already you stupid hag, you're such a noncharacter that you don't even feel like a person.

Ahem. It's eleven times rejoined now, not seven. Eleven.

The siren has sounded and soon the seas will run red again.

A Feast of Lies

Well, Datatsushi was a mermaid of the sunless sea so it makes sense that eating its flesh would be some seriously bad mojo.

The Ladder - It's an Abstract Kind of Feel

Mathematical devil's proof? I'd rather have some pudding instead.

[Lutefisk]

Let's Replay Shadowbringers: Episode 5

The View from Above - Ceres Ocean, 1744hrs.

It's pretty hard to forget something that you read just a few weeks ago. That aside, the world of old was a... different kind of place than this safe space echo chamber. Harsh and unforgiving, but fun in a way that a theme park MMO can never be.

Minari was a tad more livelier place than Minakami.

In Mt. Gulg's Shadow

As above, so below.

A Gigantic Undertaking

Chai-Nuzz gushing about the Scions is the kind of superfluous audience indulgement that feels really fake.

That None Shall Ever Again

And now we have enough soul juice to summon Zodiark again.

A Breath of Respite - Greensickness Peak

That thing is what you get when you combine the worst parts of Lyse and Haurchefant. It's not a person or even a character, it's a marketable waifubait to end all waifubaits. I want nothing more than to kill it in the most painful manner imaginable over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Extinguishing the Last Light

Men cannot live without scapegoats. That's why ”bad guys” exist.

I made it past the duel in June but not much further than that.

In His Garden

This is the point where I stopped caring about the story. I can't put myself into the shoes of a person who gives a damn about that worthless piece of waifubait.

The Unbroken Thread

The third Tale from the Shadows is the most disgusting piece of literature that I have ever read.

If I could will it I'd have these things kill themselves. I can't sense even one iota of that je ne sais quoi that makes a fictional character feel like a person in any of them. They're just bad imitations of people that exist to make the nerds and neckbeards that these kinds of stories are written for feel good about themselves.

To Storm-tossed Seas

The walls are ti- Er, I mean... Gunkanjima is Bismarck!

Zone of the Enders 3 never ever. ;_;

Waiting in the Depths

All lanterns must be lit before Her Grace arrives.

[Lutefisk]

Let's Replay Shadowbringers: Episode 6

A City of the Ancients

Actually, I'm still working on Umineko but I can see Virgilia's Fallen Tower now.

The Light of Inspiration

The role quests were pretty good.

The Illuminated Land

Time for some more tunnel running.

Based on Amaurot's architectural style it's probably safe to say that bowerbirds are to Ascians what monkeys are to humans.

The End of a World - A World Engulfed in Truth

You can't preach against censorship when you're practicing it yourselves.

A Greater Purpose - So Use Your Imagination, My Fellow Submariners

Let's see. The shade of Hythlodaeus isn't Hythlodaeus, it's a Hythlodaeus-shaped sockpuppet that Hades is using to talk about himself in the third person. I could infer that much even before I got to the part where Mitya tells Alyosha about the sound that's coming from under the ground. The stray thought was probably something along the lines of ”I wish I would have been Hythlodaeus so I wouldn't have been stuck in this bind” and the sacrifices to fuel Zodiark are an allusion to the borrowed money.

Speaking of money, I didn't tell you to buy good conscience with indulgences. I told you to stop whoring.

Grand Inquisitor Disenchantment's Judgment

Haurchefant's death wasn't tragic because he died, it was tragic because the big bad meanies broke one of the special snowflake chosen one's best ego stroking machines.

The Legend of the Quadrillion Kilometres - Welcome to Lakeview Hotel

Beyond some superficial similarities Hades and Mihaily Dumitru Margareta Corneliu Leopold Blanca Karol Aeon Ignatius Raphael Maria Niketas A. Shilage don't have all that much in common with each other as characters. If anything, Mihaily is Zenos done right.

Look at me! I'm quoting a better writer than the hack who penned this garbage will ever be!

I can't relate to the sentiment of wanting to preserve the reflections as they are because most of the characters in this game feel so fake to me that I can't feel any kind of emotional investment in them. As far as I'm concerned, Zodiark can eat every last one of those crimes against good writing for breakfast.

The Stage of Apocalypse - Westerland, 1450hrs.

Narcissism isn't love.

This game's ”story,” if it can even be called such, is nothing more than a vulgar power fantasy void of any meaningful narrative. It's mere existence is a gigantic insult to every single writer whose works you greedy swines and cheap cows have dared to plagiarize.

April 30, 2009

Thanks to a pair of stingy healers I spent more time tanking the floor than dishing out damage when I was playing through 5.0 for the first time. It's kind of hard to feel any sense of accomplishment when you get carried like that.

December 31, 2010

It. Was. The. Most. Hideous. Sunrise. Ever.

I can't be bothered to come up with a witty paraphrasing of AM's speech so I'll just settle for saying that I hate that thing more than anything else in this game. Hate. Hate.

Final verdict: this garbage is beyond salvaging. Just do the world a favor and return yourselves to dust, you hacks will never be able to write anything worth reading.

[Anonymoose]

Horror is actually my one true love (it's just that so much of it is bad that it's safer to spend time with fantasy), so I recognize some of these non-sequitur free-associations as references to Keiichiro Toyama's SIREN...

[Vyrerus]

Hmm, so Lutefisk knows enough about Alisaie to know she has character development in Binding Coil, but either hasn't seen that development or doesn't care about it at this point, beyond the point of mentioning it. Hmm...

Also, I'll have you know that most of my beard grows from my sideburns. If I shaved just my chin, I could rock some really sick mutton chops, Lutefisk!

[Razard]

Ah.

I always wanted to know what a Lobotomy looks like in written form.

[Lutefisk]

5.35 Skysteel Tools

In Everyone's Best Interests

Tell that obscene furniture

Ever Skyward

to get rid of her schlonger gobbling self-insert for good

The Tools of Tomorrow

and make sure that there are no translation errors this time.

[Sophie_Lo]

This makes my head hurt trying to make sense of it.

[Lutefisk]

So much for asking for anything that you might need.

5.4 MSQ - Alisaie's Quest

Just fuck off with this Sharlayan wank already, you don't get to preach about how racism is bad when you keep pushing this patronizing Co-Prosperity Sphere bullshit. The entire top brass of the Scions is made up of foreigners sans Thancred who reeks of Sharlayan and Tataru who gets to be in the spotlight thanks to being one of the holdovers from 1.0. The rest of the native Eorzeans that are part of an organization that supposedly exists to safeguard the future of Eorzea have no say in its management, they're just second-class citizens that are there to serve the Archon overlords.

Fake Aegon in a stolen dress, with nonexistent tits, without any of the qualities that make the original an interesting character and whose exploits only exist on the pages of propaganda pamphlets.

How's Ardashir doing?

5.4 MSQ - The Wisdom of Allag

Yes, The Root of Evil was up when I came to pick up the Wolbachia. No, it doesn't make me hate that thing any less.

I don't browse the forums because there's nothing worth reading here. I only come here when I have something to post and leave when I've made sure the spoiler boxes aren't broken.

5.4 MSQ - Reviving the Legacy

[REDACTED]

All this talk about memory transference and Koh Rabntah gets sidelined again. Can't have someone else stealing the thunder from the lead writer's pet, eh? Or maybe you'd just like to forget that she even exists?

MCH was some preachy shit alright but at least it didn't make me want to blow my brains out. AST was good. Jannequinard's antics are funny because he's not trying to get into my pants.

Why did Aymeric have to be appointed as the lord speaker again? Why couldn't he just have been the guy who represents Ishgard at the Alliance meetings and other such occasions? Was being the commander of the Temple Knights not prestigious enough for that greedy bastard? Oh right, I forgot. He got the job because it would be below the station of the Smelly Nerd of Light to socialize with anyone lesser than the effective head of the state.

But the Kusabi still had his arm, it just wasn't intact.

5.4 MSQ - Like Master, Like Pupil

You can mold that piece of clay all you want, at the end of the day it will still be just a pile of lifeless dirt.

5.4 MSQ - Forget Us Not

[REDACTED]

5.4 MSQ - The Admiral's Resolve

Where's Turstin? And why are you heaping praise into the lap of the Smelly Nerd of Light again for rolling their face on the keyboard?

5.4 MSQ - The Search for Sicard

The wimps who whine about getting udercut by 1 gil don't know how good they have it.

5.4 MSQ - On Rough Seas

Project Wingman is looking good but I'm not keen on trying to steer with a keyboard and mouse.

5.4 MSQ - The Great Ship Vylbrand

Just what exactly is your problem? Why can't you write like normal people? You had everything that you would have needed to make a good story, to write something that's actually good and instead of that you sick fucks turned this game into the most expensive porno in the history of mankind.

5.4 MSQ - Futures Rewritten

I didn't spot any bushshrikes in Angola-Zaire.

So why'd the Amalj'aa go rummaging through Jhal's tomb anyways?

How many times do I have to repeat it until you believe it? I hate that piece of filth, those Hydaelyn apologists and the vapid narcissistic cunt that looks like my character but isn't so much that I don't care to play this shitty porn game. I don't care to do roulettes, I don't care to do frontlines, I don't care to craft, gather or even fish. What's so hard about that for you boneheads to grasp?

Eden's Promise

Festival? As in the harvest festival? I've got nothing to say about that fake and forced fanservice episode that I haven't already covered somewhere else.

I liked Ryne in 5.0 because she (and Thancred) didn't spout any of that self-righteous bullshit about how ”MoRtAL LifE iS vAluABle.” Now I just want to choke that bitch.

Werlyt - Blood of Emerald

[REDACTED]

Zenos is not a character, he's just another object that exists to stroke the player's ego. He'd be infinitely more palatable if he just shut his trap forever.

Emerald Weapon Extreme

So Jade Weapon's off the table then. Well, handing Emerald those extra manipulators is good enough of a compromise to get that reference in.

Eden's Promise - Part 2

Clio has had enough of this shit. She's put her pen down until further notice. Sea slugs may be gastropods but they ain't no snails.

Werlyt - In Memory

[REDACTED]

YoRHa - To Make Amends - Part 2

I you aren't just full of hot air, then tell those dipshits to stop playing deafmutes. I have nothing to say to anyone who isn't part of this game's writing team because they can't tell me anything that I wan't to know.

So. What am I going to get out of this? What exactly is that name worth to you?

[Vyrerus]

Yeah, it would be cool if they had, "That Thing" talk to Koh Rabntah aka Noah, cause like, that plot thread got dropped pretty hard. It was relevant to Allag's ancient knowledge that we went seeking too. Shucky darn, that.