Mentors are toxic omg

[PerrinTaveren]

1. When you politely say "you shouldn't use your regens before tank pulls, otherwise you get all the agro and tank having a hard time getting the agro back", and astro saying "i have been healing for 10 years, i don't need it" **isn't toxic**

2. When a healer in leviathan extreme heals only with cure 1 and 2, doesn't use medica 1 or 2 at all, and you point out "please use medica 1 and 2 otherwise you cannot keep up with healing", and healer says "don't give me advice, some of us new to the fight you know it is rude" **isn't toxic**

3. When a black mage doesn't use enochian, uses only fire 1 in a lv+70 content, and you point out a simple black mage rotation, explain enochian and they are like "i am fine" or doesn't respond at all **isn't toxic**

4. Also when a black mage only uses his/her AOE rotation in boss fights because he/she said "i only have aoe hotbar,so" and you say "how hard is it to put fire 4 in your hotbar" **isn't toxic**

5. Queuing Rathalos extreme because they think it is fun this way with duty finder, but then snaps at us after 3 wipes, and mentors don't want to do it in duty finder player **isn't toxic** because they cannot possibility find a group on party finder if they even want to do synced content.

6. Queuing HW & SB extreme fights with duty finder, especially SB, and knowing people do it on pf, but they want to do it "synced" again, but also don't watch or read any guide, dies to every mechanic, wipes 10 times player **isn't toxic**

I have done 1700 mentor roulettes by now. 300 won't make a difference on playerbase. I met some great mentor friends over my journal to Astrope mount. I only met 1 toxic mentor. Over 1700 duties. But i met many defensive, cannot-take-criticism kinda players a lot.

We cleared titan normal mode for a player last week. I spent 30 minutes in the fight because healer was really new and inexperienced. They didn't know what medica is, they didn't know what lucid dreaming was. I explained they can go to actions & traits to grab those, i told him to use medica for aoe heals etc. He didn't know.

And it is **OKAY** not to know. It is okay if someone says you are doing something wrong in a non-dicky way.

Over these roulettes, %99 of the time i am just silent, i am either like "let's get it over with" or i quit if it seems hopeless. Because i don't wanna risk getting backlash or even getting reported because people get offended by everything. I only point something out if there is fundemantelly wrong with the person's gameplay choices. And over these 1700 roulettes, i never saw a mentor pointing everything out.

What i mean is, is there toxic mentors? Yes of course. But there are a wider community outside of mentoring who can be very toxic too. I remember being really bothered by some player's comments after a duty for 2 days. Because when we open our mouths, it goes either way. 1. Oh thanks, i appreciate it. 2. Shut up you toxic b**** i don't need anything from you, go insult someone else's gameplay.

People should learn to take advice. You queue for an extreme primal with duty finder? It is almost guaranteed you will encounter a mentor. If they point stuff out, don't be mad. Generally, if the mentor isn't being a dick, take the advice. If you don't want to take it, just say "i will check later, thanks" or something along those lines. Please don't attack or insult us.

We are playing a social game and your gameplay choices effects my gameplay so we cannot be like "don't say something to me, don't tell me how to play" while you put me in a duty i am stuck over 40 min, or you are playing your job so bad we complete a dungeon in 30 min instead of 15. Not trying to be elitist here, just saying everyone can get better.

And if i point out that black mage to use their rotation properly, and if i tell the healer to heal more effectively, it lowers the chance that other players will have trouble with them in the future. (Believe me there are players who use fire 1 in last tier raid normal mode). It gives a chance that they will look a guide or ask around a bit about what they are doing wrong.

Anyways, my mentoring journey is ending but i wish for all the community to be kind to each other, and take advice if needed. And give advice if you think you should. Because we are playing the same game and everyone should be kind.

Thanks for reading my post, good day.

[MagicAura]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of toxicity. It's a complex game and receiving advice from experienced people (mentors or not) is the best thing that can happen to inexperienced players like me. So thank you for trying and I think you're extremely brave and patient for keeping on offering advice, not knowing what kind of response you're going to get.

[PerrinTaveren]

I remember my newbie days in this game, there was no mentoring back then. And i did lots of lots of lots of mistakes. It is okay. I always had people tell me stuff and i used to learn things every day. It is a complex game like you said and as a new player we cannot know everything. But thank you, it really makes me happy if i can make someone improve themselves. Because i had a lot of friends who helped me back in the day.

I didn't know what tanking is. I didn't know how to heal at all. I put regens always too. I didn't know dps had rotations.

My point was in the post too, it is okay not to know. We all start somewhere.

[LaughingBanana]

So basically: there are those among non-mentor players who are toxic.
And there are those among mentors who are also toxic.

.......And water is wet.

Gotta admit though, I am currently raising my Astro and I've encountered a disturbing amount of tanks that don't use mitigation at all during dungeon runs.

Annoyed the heck out of me, though I never did say anything about it.

[Bsrking5]

Its doesn't matter if theres 100 million good mentors. If theres one bad, you are gonna see post about how all mentors are bad. Thats just how things are. Plus Theres people with these wild and crazy ideas that all mentors need to have every fight memorized down to T and have endless time and patience to help. I've met bad mentors and good mentors. Just like every other type of player.

[PerrinTaveren]

My reasoning of opening the thread was just to point out that there are the same amount of people (and probably many more) who are toxic. But when mentors are mentioned, everyone goes "omg mentors are toxic" but they don't look at the other side of the picture. I wanted to reflect the other side, if possible.

The other reasoning of me opening the thread was to not approach every mentor out there by the prejudice that they are toxic.

I think there is a stigma around mentorship that it is seen as what i described in original post. I just wanted to reflect that most mentors are doing a good job, on the contrary of what public is seeing due to these cannot-take-criticism people. That's all

[SturmChurro]

My reasoning of opening the thread was just to point out that there are the same amount of people (and probably many more) who are toxic. But when mentors are mentioned, everyone goes "omg mentors are toxic" but they don't look at the other side of the picture. I wanted to reflect the other side, if possible.

The other reasoning of me opening the thread was to not approach every mentor out there by the prejudice that they are toxic.

I think there is a stigma around mentorship that it is seen as what i described in original post. I just wanted to reflect that most mentors are doing a good job, on the contrary of what public is seeing due to these cannot-take-criticism people. That's all

Of course there are. However, mentors should be held to a higher standard (it isn't). It actually says so when you sign up, but whatever, SE doesn't actually police it. As such, mentorship should just be removed, in my opinion. It's largely worthless.

A player can help another, or give advice without a mentor crown. Actually scratch that, they can't if it's taken badly, because they will be banned. Funny stuff.

[PerrinTaveren]

Of course there are. However, mentors should be held to a higher standard (it isn't). It actually says so when you sign up, but whatever, SE doesn't actually police it. As such, mentorship should just be removed, in my opinion. It's largely worthless.

A player can help another, or give advice without a mentor crown. Actually scratch that, they can't if it's taken badly, because they will be banned. Funny stuff.

That's the point of this thread though. It isn't mentorship that is problematic / should be removed. It is the other side of that mentorship system where people are %90 of the time "don't tell me what to do". It doesn't matter like you said if i have a crown or not, but those people don't have a crown, and they are not considered "toxic". That was my point.

[Reap00]

If you want to start an interaction with a complete stranger and would like to offer advice you should ask if the person would like advice or not first. I always do. Some people say yes please. Some people say no thanks. Using this as a jumping off point avoids what you described above and will keep your blood pressure down.

[EmmetOtter]

i met many defensive, cannot-take-criticism kinda players a lot.

Since you have explicitly asked for advice I will provide some.

1. Never, and I mean never, put your advice into public/group/alliance chat. That will always be public shaming. Praise someone in public. Punish in private. Either privately whisper the other player or send him a mail later.
2. Always give advice when you and the other person are calm. Attempting to give advice during the "heat of the moment" when your and their stress and frustration are running high will either result you in framing your words very badly and/or having your words received very badly.