Let's be real. That wasn't your first crush, that was your first husbando. Not to mention your past sounds a lot like you have a bunch of baggage to deal with but everyone has that, it's up to you to deal with how it will change your outlook. Fore example, my baggage ensures that I can't have a proper friendship due to the average person's self destructive nature. At some point you need to take a step back and look at things objectively. In this case, are you making the story better or are you just signaling to yourself at the expense of a product?