Toxicity, Kindness, Abuse and the Exploitation of Kindness

[Canadane]

'Bravo', now it's what some of you English-natives might call "walls of texts", thus people are less likely to read it.
->The resumee was just fine the way it was; namely what we Germans call "übersichtlich". (Also, "storytelling"? This isn't a light-novel, for the love of The Twelve!)

A wall of text would be unformatted.
This is properly paragraphed and easy to read, at least in English.

And while it's not a novel, it's was still the intention to a the tale.

[Avatre]

- If the whm had gone in as dps, none of this would have happened. She could have leeched off the rest of raid and no one would have noticed. Why did she choose such an important role?

I can attest to this being true...though my party was the one with a DRG who had 100% broken gear, and nothing to replace it. He tried his best, and we - being a premade group of 7 - decided what the hell, lets keep him in so he can learn it(his first run after all). It was actually kind of fun trying to keep him alive(I was PLD at the time).

But a healer is definitely something, especially in those early days of the raid, not something you want to go in there with half assed.

[SturmChurro]

You should have never bothered to raise somebody who keeps dying over and over and over. Complete waste of MP, not worth it. If players are holding back a whole raid, they need to be kicked. I don't care if they aren't feeling well. Get them out of there.

[Wiccan026]

Your biggest issue was in calling out someone who wasn't in your alliance.... I'm also not insisting you were wrong or right in the matter but that's where the main issue "started" for you (well other than wiping a gazillion times).

When you call out someone in your own group and ask them to be kicked, the entire group can easily see the bad egg, eggs. When you call out someone specifically from another alliance only the people who were paying attention to whole shebang will know where you're coming from (I also know several people who do alliance raids on jobs that can't rez and therefore do not use the alliance bars at all.. people like that wouldnt be able to piece it together). As for why that group wasn't "fixing" things on there end without insistence, well there could have been dialogue going on in that group (maybe she mentioned she was new or not feeling well at the start) and they were "okay" with the situation for the most part.. again not saying it's right because that raid really did need all hands on deck during it's expansion (still need several hands just can get by without all hands) but that could have been why they didn't take care of it.

I don't think you would have finished that raid as it was without the changing of the guard there hypothetically could have been a "better way" to handle trying to get it done... we each take that risk when we run content, do we want to call it quits and take the penalty or risk coming off being the bad guy/being accused of being in the wrong... that's just the way it goes sometimes.

Must have been some convo with the FC mate since this was a while back though.

[LalafellDown]

You handled it well. Just like Kratos tells us, “do not be sorry be better.”

[Morningstar1337]

I've been on the other side of that coin last night. My FC decided to do a Copied Factory run for someone that didn't do it yet, and I in my infinite "wisdom" decided to go as AST in an instance where I die often as a DPS class (long story but it basically boiled down to think we wouden't get a second healer otherwise).

Was surprisingly chill compared to your experience OP, though that might be because it was my co healer (also from my FC) that wound up rezzing me multiple times (and she seemed to reveled in the chaoticness of it all, even got to use Healer LB3 in at least 3 of the fights.) I only got rezzed by another alliance a couple times as a result and as such few people if any noticed until I apologized in alliance chat. There were no total party wipes, but the experience had me agreeing that one should never queue for an important role for Alliance raids if they are prone to dying.

(as for why I didn't quit chalk that up the sunk cost fallacy, though karma might had ensured I walked out relatively empty handed)

[kaynide]

Just reading this alone, I think the answer is you probably could have handled it a little more tactfully. If, as you said, your first real contact with team B (“kick the whm” in boss 3), should have been right around boss 1, maybe immediately after. Rather than kick, it could have been “hey Whm, are you ok? New to raid? Made a mistake in your roulette and got something harder than you were planning for?” Etc.

Point being, discussing it out would let other players in B to be more aware/careful and/or healers in A/C to keep an eye out/pitch in when able.

Even with that, there is no telling how the whm would react. Some players are genuinely awkward at their roles, others rather delicate snowflakes.


Semi Off topic:
Reminds of of waaay back in 2.0 I was main tank in Labyrinth if the Ancients when a whm kept regen-ing me before pulling...After being told to wait about 3 seconds before regen...she didn’t, so she face tanked behemoth for a few seconds and howled the whole time. This was a time where the tank had to get in a few hits to establish aggro. Her response was simply “well this never happens to ME!” To which most of the raid said “well now it HAS”

Note this was maybe week...2 or 3 of the raid being new. Also was the first large raid ever in the game with iLVLs being somewhat low at the time.

[PharisHanasaki]

A bit late to the topic, but as someone said, it takes more than one healer to wipe a raid.
There are 2 healers, in fact. Unless you saw such WHM intentionally wipe their group.
Either way, you shouldn't have called them out, they weren't on your alliance, you had no idea what was happening on their chat, the party is made of 8 people not 1, you didn't know if they were new and didn't know mechs, etc.
However it doesn't matter much in the end. You made their day even more miserable, but you probably will never see them again.