I watch what the tank does (I'm a WHM lvl 63). Mostly tanks don't seem to communicate any more about how they do things, and I understand in low level content that has been repeated enough ad nausem, most if not all want to get through as fast as possible.

If the tank constantly pulls way too much and I can't handle it, I will speak up. If they continue to do so I will eat the penalty. I'm not going to argue or check gear or any of that. I know that my playstyle isn't theirs and I can't keep up with it.