I need help understanding different personality types!

[StarRosie]

Basically social anxiety makes chatting and talking very difficult. The anxiety part makes you see potential dangers where there aren't any, such as "what if the thing I say comes across as rude, or over-friendly, or stupid, or offensive" and in addition, you tend to be more sensitive to emotions so rejection or ridicule would hurt a lot more. It doesn't mean talking is impossible or that socially anxious people dislike talk or company in itself, it's just that it's difficult. This is a disorder, it's your brain being wired differently so while you can work on it, you can't just snap out of it or grow a thicker skin.

The best way to handle the situation for talking can be to accept they won't often initiate conversation. Nothing wrong with poking to chat as long as it's not constant or demanding, it can often be nice. Asking questions or bringing up a subject of mutual interest can help since that's a lot easier than being expected to contribute your own topic or flow of conversation. For example I'm terrible with chatting about day to day things, but I could ramble about something ingame all day. Quite a few with autism have that trait of very specific focused areas of interest. If they're quiet or drift away it doesn't mean they're being rude or dislike talking to you.

Someone give this lad a medal!

Man, as someone with autism (Aspergers.), I've been struggling and rewriting a post over and over to try and offer some insight and help on how to get over some of the 'hurdles', but you summed it up pretty well. I think, one thing I'd note is that in some cases. We WANT to talk, just the anxiety is so crippling that it's really hard to approach someone and just...talk. I know that my head plays dozens of doomsday scenarios when I dare try to say "Hi." to someone.

I think what bothers me the most is when the two issues you mentioned are combined. I don't like when people say "everyone hates me,' but will refuse to initiate conversation with me. Even if I start with some small-talk. It just kinda dissipates into a non-conversation. I don't hate anyone. I'll talk about anything. I'm a social butterfly extrovert.

I guess my only advice would be, build common ground, it can actually help more then it seems when there's more common area for you guys to talk about. And be a bit patient if they're struggling to have small talk or a conversation.

On the "Everyone hates me" bit, my guess is that their autism might be walking hand and hand with depression. And from my experience with both, the two make for a truly crippling combo that usually leads to a lot of mentally beating myself up up over the little things. Sadly, I don't have any advice here on this bit, as I'm still struggling to figure out the best way to tackle it myself.