I need help understanding different personality types!

[AngelCheese77]

There are 2 types of autism from what I know. Speaking and Intelligence. For example, a neighbor of my sister in law has 2 sons. Both with autism. One does not speak, just using grunts and hand gestures. The other speaks but is still very "childlike" in intelligence, speaking out and saying inappropriate things.

My husband is on the lower end of the spectrum, where he also cannot read social cues (face and body language, tell when something is a joke, etc), but is highly intelligent and loves computers. For him, he is outgoing and loves to make friends, though he has terrible focus on stuff (getting him to do anything but the MSQ is impossble, and sometimes in dungeons his attention wavers so he can die in AoEs or just stands there, motionless).

Personally, I don't think it is proper to just tell a stranger you have X or Y issue. I find human beings to be judgemental, even if subconsciously. If you can find a group of like minded people, sure!

To the OP, if those you have spoekn with drifted off, don't take it personally. It's hard to understand what is going on in their mind. Who knows.

[Endeleon]

I think it's much more of the fact you are clearly belittling the discrimination and societal hardship autistic people face. I mean, there's currently a mass movement to avoid science which ends up killing peoples children simply because these people are terrified of autism... And your response to them being autistic is "As long as you don't lie to me, it's all cool!"... really? What does that have to do with anything? This shows your complete lack of understanding of their hardships, and people are well versed in recognizing these signs and basically knowing right off the bat that you won't really be accepting of them. It's basically like if you were talking about gay people and the second someone tells you they are gay, you say "As long as you don't hit on me, we are all good!" that's a homophobic tell, and people would rather just cut it off there than hoping you aren't the worst of the worst.

[JackHatchet]

I think it's much more of the fact you are clearly belittling the discrimination and societal hardship autistic people face. I mean, there's currently a mass movement to avoid science which ends up killing peoples children simply because these people are terrified of autism... And your response to them being autistic is "As long as you don't lie to me, it's all cool!"... really? What does that have to do with anything? This shows your complete lack of understanding of their hardships, and people are well versed in recognizing these signs and basically knowing right off the bat that you won't really be accepting of them. It's basically like if you were talking about gay people and the second someone tells you they are gay, you say "As long as you don't hit on me, we are all good!" that's a homophobic tell, and people would rather just cut it off there than hoping you aren't the worst of the worst.

We clearly live in two different parts of the world. I've heard of the anti-vaxx movement, but I figured it was just a joke about really stupid people. (like flat-earther stupid). If autistic people are getting harassed by anti-vaxxers than that's a shame. But I assure you, I'm sure they'd hate me just as much if I ever met one and talked about vaccines.

I'll be honest. An autistic or a gay person doesn't have to tell me that they're X, Y, or Z. And I'll tell anyone. Please don't lie to me. It's just my standard rule of friendship. It's not personalized towards autistic people. It's for everyone. Honestly, I wouldn't even know the difference between an autistic person and a non-autistic person except for the fact that people tell me they're autistic and that they struggle to fit in. I just want to understand why that is. Because to me, I don't notice a difference. Most people can't tell social cues to begin with. And most people love to complain and rant about things. These qualities aren't unique to autistic people. So I'm just trying to understand more about the community I'm a part of.

[Endeleon]

I'll be honest. An autistic or a gay person doesn't have to tell me that they're X, Y, or Z.

Ok but... I don't know if you understand that this in it's nature is discrimination. The fact that you think someone mentioning their autism or being gay is a burden or TMI and makes things uncomfortable but seem to understand people mentioning their kids as being small talk... This is ingrained otherness, aka discrimination.

[JackHatchet]

Ok but... I don't know if you understand that this in it's nature is discrimination. The fact that you think someone mentioning their autism or being gay is a burden or TMI and makes things uncomfortable but seem to understand people mentioning their kids as being small talk... This is ingrained otherness, aka discrimination.

I don't quite follow. But I think this kind of discussion is worth having.

I don't think people mentioning that they're autistic is a burden. However, I'll admit that when people say "I tend to conflict with my community." It causes me to raise an eye-brow. "why is that?" And to me. I just don't see it. Like I said. I've played with a few autistic people. In FC, or in my static, or just folks I run maps with regularly. But I don't see any of the negativity. So when you say there's discrimination--I don't follow. I'll admit that when they first approached me and said "hey, things might be sketchy" that I was concerned. But through the follow-up--I never found any of those concerns to be validated.

An example with someone I used to raid with. They said they don't always mesh. I said that's fine. Just don't lie to me. You can rant or whatever all you want. And basically they were just like everyone else. Showed up. Did their thing. Sometimes they talked a little about a topic no one cared about. But nothing extreme. Like we all talk about something no one cares about from time to time. My current topic is Game of Thrones. So I get the concept of being excited about something and 'over-sharing." but I don't specifically attribute that to autism. Because that's an everybody-ism thing.

Then randomly that person will say they don't fit in. And it absolutely confuses the everliving-heck out of me. I'll be in their group, and we all have fun. They're not offensive. No one is offensive towards them. What exactly are they looking for? Why don't they feel like they fit in? I felt like they fit in. And this is basically the same story with every autistic person I met. They don't stand out to me. So I Clearly don't understand autism. And I guess I'm guilty of that. But again, that's why I'm trying to learn a little more.

[AngelCheese77]

We clearly live in two different parts of the world. I've heard of the anti-vaxx movement, but I figured it was just a joke about really stupid people. (like flat-earther stupid). If autistic people are getting harassed by anti-vaxxers than that's a shame. But I assure you, I'm sure they'd hate me just as much if I ever met one and talked about vaccines.

I'll be honest. An autistic or a gay person doesn't have to tell me that they're X, Y, or Z. And I'll tell anyone. Please don't lie to me. It's just my standard rule of friendship. It's not personalized towards autistic people. It's for everyone. Honestly, I wouldn't even know the difference between an autistic person and a non-autistic person except for the fact that people tell me they're autistic and that they struggle to fit in. I just want to understand why that is. Because to me, I don't notice a difference. Most people can't tell social cues to begin with. And most people love to complain and rant about things. These qualities aren't unique to autistic people. So I'm just trying to understand more about the community I'm a part of.

Anti-vaxxers, many I believe, think that vaccines actualyl CAUSE autism, which is a shame. But that's another topic entirely.

And to be frank, no matter how much you try you will never understand why they "struggle to fit in". Trust me. I have an autistic husband. Known him for 20+ years. And I still don't understand it fully even though I go to his therapy sessions and read information. The same as my family does not fully understand my anxiety and depression. Unless you actually have it and go through it ... the best is you can try to learn and keep learning.

The social cues issue is a real thing. For example, not being able to tell if what you are saying is hurting a person (that person may cross their arms or look angry). An autistic person would just keep going. Or, in reverse, if a person tells an autistic person a joke that SEEMS offensive, but that person is smiling when they say it, the autistic person takes it to heart and believes the joke was real and was to hurt them.

For talking, as an example, my husband loves computers, games, and technology. He can go on and on and on, and cannot read when I'm rolling my eyes or just saying uh huh and stuff. Cues that non-autistic people would read as "okay they are bored or upset etc, I should stop".

[JackHatchet]

Anti-vaxxers, many I believe, think that vaccines actualyl CAUSE autism, which is a shame. But that's another topic entirely.

And to be frank, no matter how much you try you will never understand why they "struggle to fit in". Trust me. I have an autistic husband. Known him for 20+ years. And I still don't understand it fully even though I go to his therapy sessions and read information. The same as my family does not fully understand my anxiety and depression. Unless you actually have it and go through it ... the best is you can try to learn and keep learning.

The social cues issue is a real thing. For example, not being able to tell if what you are saying is hurting a person (that person may cross their arms or look angry). An autistic person would just keep going. Or, in reverse, if a person tells an autistic person a joke that SEEMS offensive, but that person is smiling when they say it, the autistic person takes it to heart and believes the joke was real and was to hurt them.

For talking, as an example, my husband loves computers, games, and technology. He can go on and on and on, and cannot read when I'm rolling my eyes or just saying uh huh and stuff. Cues that non-autistic people would read as "okay they are bored or upset etc, I should stop".

Yeah, you've probably the right of it. Every so often I see some posts like the past few in General talking about people struggling and it inspires me to try and learn a little more. And I guess it's really frustrating to hit up against this wall of. "You'll never understand it, but it happens." It feels so defeating. Like there's no real solution to it.

I can understand some parts, because I was with someone with schizophrenia for 10 years. I understood the concept of hallucinations and inner voices. But I never knew 'exactly' what it felt like. But I was able to understand enough to communicate through it. Schizophrenic people have some pretty negative stigma around them too. BUT only to a small number of people. Which is why I struggle to believe that anti-vaxxers are a thing--let alone worth listening to. There's always that tiny minority that will hate someone who is different. But for the majority of people. I always saw the world as being incredibly accepting of mental-illness.

[Dzian]

And your response to them being autistic is "As long as you don't lie to me, it's all cool!"... really? What does that have to do with anything? This shows your complete lack of understanding of their hardships, and people are well versed in recognizing these signs and basically knowing right off the bat that you won't really be accepting of them. It's basically like if you were talking about gay people and the second someone tells you they are gay, you say "As long as you don't hit on me, we are all good!" that's a homophobic tell,

I think that's incredibly extreme. See to me they have the same values I have. Honesty. I have very little time for anyone who lies to me. Autistic or not.. yet I have all the time in the world for honest people.

As for gay people I have gay friends and some Bi ones. Even lived with a gay guy at one point despite me being straight. And I don't think any of them have taken offence to a comment such as "as long as you don't hit on me we're cool" that's essentially the same as a gay person telling a straight guy "as long as you don't try to set me up with some bird we're cool"

It's a statement of mutual respect. You respect my sexuality I'll respect yours.... theres nothing homophobic or offensive in it.

Maybe that's just my autistic way of thinking....

[JackHatchet]

I think that's incredibly extreme. See to me they have the same values I have. Honesty. I have very little time for anyone who lies to me. Autistic or not.. yet I have all the time in the world for honest people.

As for gay people I have gay friends and some Bi ones. Even lived with a gay guy at one point despite me being straight. And I don't think any of them have taken offence to a comment such as "as long as you don't hit on me we're cool" that's essentially the same as a gay person telling a straight guy "as long as you don't try to set me up with some bird we're cool"

It's a statement of mutual respect. You respect my sexuality I'll respect yours.... theres nothing homophobic or offensive in it.

Maybe that's just my autistic way of thinking....

I had an eureka moment reading your post!

At first. I read it, and it just kinda proves my point that I agree with you, and that I'd have no idea that you were autistic until you said something. Right? So to me Autistic people are so normal, that I don't even really recognize the difference.

But what I realized with the person you commented to. I think I get what they're saying! They're critiziing me for saying "as long as you don't lie to it, it's cool." as if I by default didn't trust autistic people enough that I had to open with a conditional warning. Which seems fair. It comes off as a judgmental comment if stereotypical and unfounded. However, I don't ask people not to lie to me, because I don't trust autistic people. I say that, because they come to me with baggage like "I often conflict with my communities,' or "I struggle with social situations." My response is don't lie to me, and we'll work it out." It's not aimed at autistic people. It's aimed at socially awkward people. I Firmly believe that I can talk through any social disagreement as long as both parties are honest.

[Liam_Harper]

Basically social anxiety makes chatting and talking very difficult. The anxiety part makes you see potential dangers where there aren't any, such as "what if the thing I say comes across as rude, or over-friendly, or stupid, or offensive" and in addition, you tend to be more sensitive to emotions so rejection or ridicule would hurt a lot more. It doesn't mean talking is impossible or that socially anxious people dislike talk or company in itself, it's just that it's difficult. This is a disorder, it's your brain being wired differently so while you can work on it, you can't just snap out of it or grow a thicker skin.

Not belonging isn't necessarily true, everyone belongs somewhere and can make friends, but it's easy to perceive it that way if you fall into the trap of thinking social interaction is an impossibility for you. Having that much struggle to simply chat to someone can be discouraging. Honestly it can be a bad habit sometimes, it's unhealthy to get too deep into an "everyone hates me" pool of self pity, you tend to push away those who care. It's not always the worst thing to point this out (just in a nice way, not an angry one). Even if they don't seem to listen, they can understand it.

The best way to handle the situation for talking can be to accept they won't often initiate conversation. Nothing wrong with poking to chat as long as it's not constant or demanding, it can often be nice. Asking questions or bringing up a subject of mutual interest can help since that's a lot easier than being expected to contribute your own topic or flow of conversation. For example I'm terrible with chatting about day to day things, but I could ramble about something ingame all day. Quite a few with autism have that trait of very specific focused areas of interest. If they're quiet or drift away it doesn't mean they're being rude or dislike talking to you.