I need help understanding different personality types!

[Dzian]

Do you think it might be a perspective thing? For example. I find 'typing' to be boring and pointless,' but the information I learn from a conversation to be well worth the effort. I don't think anyone gets into small talk (or even typing) with those being the end-goals. I think small talk is a stepping stone to better things. And then by looking at small talk as a necessary stepping stone--do you think that might change how you view it?

I might sound harsh here. but personally i think it varies massively with the subject matter of said small talk so to speak. If someone says "hey did you see the football? or some soap opera / Britains got talent style tv show" i almost immediately zone out and lose interest. that kind of thing is incredibly low on the intellectual scale. other things i can chat about for hours.

The guy who at the desk next to me at work is doing a degree in theology and religious studies and yet while its not exactly my cup of tea and would have generally considered myself aethiest as i'm not really a religious guy we can sit there and discuss things for hours.

the other day we were discussing Jehovahs witnesses and a belief in a world of "all good" and i made the opinion that such a world can not exist. if you take away evil. good isn't good anymore its just normal because it loses it comparative value. or at one point the creation of the world. genesis vs science and the big bang.. i'm big on science especially physics but made the theory "that what if both are true??"

Whos to say God didn't spend 6 days doing scientific calculations and on the 7th day sat back with a beer and watched the fireworks as the universe was created?... Anyway at some point over the course of the conversation he said he didnt think aethiest was the correct word for me and that i was agnostic. and then when he went on to explain the difference I could see his point. (wow i've learned something)

it's still all kind of small talk but it's on a much higher level of intelligence than "britains got talent" or is it "american idol" over there? things like that i just don't find engaging. and I generally won't drop to that level of intellect.. maybe thats a harsh thing to say or sounds like i consider myself superior but thats not really the case, as i would generally consider myself the apprentice when talking with that guy i mentioned at work. "what will you teach me today master?"

hope this makes some degree of sense as one of my issues is I'm highly intelligent my IQ is way up 173!! sky high. but articulating my thoughts into words that make sense without losing focus of the point is never easy as there's an almost infinite amount of random side thoughts.. like with my earlier comment about got doing the science and then watching the fireworks. i get distracted with tons of thoughts such as did he take as fusion approach or how did he account for entropy, how many attempts did it take him to get it right? maybe that explains the parralel universe theory??? and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee there goes my focus...

Edit:-
This makes things difficult as i'm currently studying physics and repeatedly get told by my tutor i'm over thinking things and going into to much detail losing track of the question i'm meant to be answering.. which is affecting my grades,
need more focus....

[Ceridwenae]

There's a lot of good out there. Sometimes it can be challenging to see over all of the negatives. But it's like the stars in the sky. Sometimes you don't notice them, but when you do--you can see just how beautiful they are. And the more you look, the more you see. And before you know it--all you see are stars from sky to sky across the universe.

I love Ted Talks. Andrew Solomon did a bunch that I really loved. I even bought his book! I listen to his stuff about every 6 months or so to kinda get my head in the right place when I'm lost in the sauce. Sometimes it's easy to get used to a set group of people and forget the differences or struggles of others. But every so often something sparks my inspiration to try and push beyond my comfort zone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EVEmZ2c_es




(Note): Ceri, if you ever want to talk more about Ted Talks stuff! I love it! I'll be sure to check out that video you linked.

Oh, that was a good talk. I teared up and did lots of head nodding. I'm going to watch more by that guy, and I'll ensure I've a good supply of tissues to hand!

I haven't got another TED talk to share now, but the Guardian newspaper is currently running articles on mental health at the moment - it's not solely focused on anxiety or autism, but they're in there too. The articles obviously won't make anyone an expert and there's not lots up the moment, but I thought I'd share a starter link for anyone interested, not least because it addresses some queries that have popped up regarding if this is just a "thing" right now with our forum posts: https://www.theguardian.com/society/...-mental-health

Now I think I'm off the forums for the day. Have a good weekend, all.

[Caity_Cat]

[Part 1 of 2 because I Talk Too Much™ and exceeded the text limit for forum posts]

Alrighty, I waded through the thread a bit, but not all of it, sorry if I repeat stuff that's been said already lol. I just want to respond some before I forget what I want to say.

As someone who's very open about being autistic and hangs out a lot in the fringes of the online autistic community, I just figure I should weigh in.

To start, there's a saying that floats around in the autism community: "If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person."
Keep in mind that autism is a spectrum; how different autistic people present, their preferences, their skills, and their deficits, can vary wildly. Men and women typically present with different traits as well, so my experiences will possibly read differently from the male autistics that weigh in. You'd need a lot of people to talk about their experiences to even come to a modicum of an understanding of it. The best way you can handle things in the future when you make a friend or just meet someone that discloses this, is to simply ask them about these things to learn their personal perspective and what they want or how they feel about things.

That said, on to the more specifics of your post. Some of what you said initially is a bit vague/broad, but I'll try to reply. So, an autistic person talking about how they feel they don't belong or don't fit in is certainly not super uncommon. The majority of us were "othered" for most of our lives. A lot of us can have trauma from being bullied. So even if we're in a group that's accepting of us, we can still sometimes feel as though we don't really belong there, that people don't like us, etc.
A lot of autistic people do something called "masking," which is essentially employing a set of copied or learned social skills to better communicate with non-autistics; this is a sort of survival skill that helps us avoid being ostracized or bullied. ((As a side note about that, doing this is VERY exhausting because a lot of effort and thought has to go into it, and learning how to do it doesn't make us any less autistic. This might be a kind of hit-or-miss metaphor, but think of it like running Window 10 in a VM on a Mac laptop with very limited battery life.))
In a sense, that feeling of not belonging could in some cases come down to the fact that they're having to try to act like "everyone else," because they're worried people won't understand them. This is just one idea of course, but it's one of many varied possibilities that wouldn't be innately apparent to you that could be contributing to this sort of issue for an autistic person.

On them not initiating conversation with you first, I'd bet money that sometimes it's that they feel as though they're going to annoy you somehow. It can take time for us to figure out that someone actually enjoys talking to us. Like...it can take a LONG TIME sometimes.

[Caity_Cat]

[Part 2 of 2 because I Talk Too Much™ and exceeded the text limit for forum posts]

We aren't able to read situations as well to be able to figure it out easily, and a lot of us would rather just not engage than end up being rejected or disliked. I know for me personally, the quickest way I figure this out is if someone is regularly trying to strike up conversation with me for a long while and engages me about my interests (without being too pushy)

It could also be that they just aren't sure how to properly initiate a conversation, so they overthink to the point that they just don't do it.

On the flip side, you could just give them vibes they don't particularly like. But that's something that happens between people sometimes, autistic or not.

It's not so much about wanting or not wanting tolerance. Actually, first, "tolerance" really, really sounds like the wrong word here. That implies you're just "dealing with" them. "Acceptance" is the better word/goal. If you ever feel like you're just "tolerating" someone, you aren't doing them any favors and you ain't gonna become friends.

or like leveling in a video game. I don't enjoy leveling at the slightest. But I understand that it's a required stepping stone towards end-game content. If it's relatable to something like small talk. Why would someone with Autism choose to do something they might dislike like leveling a character, but would avoid small talk? Shouldn't the philosophy be the same?

My dude, my buddy, my guy. These can't be compared. Leveling a character is something that we are choosing to go do, of our free will, on our own time, and we can just as easily choose to simply not bother and walk away from the game. Small talk is something that can be thrust upon us when we might not even be expecting it, and if we don't handle it right, we could end up making someone dislike us or think we're weird. You feel me?

It's true that I tend to lump Autism in the same groups as depression and schizophrenia. I wouldn't really know what to clarify it as. I'm open to suggestions! But while I understand that people are happy and content with Autism. I get a vibe that a lot of people still suffer socially from it. And if the positives don't outweigh the negatives--then doesn't that make it an illness?

Look into the term "neurodiversity." Also, it can be argued that most autistic people are only suffering because society and the world at large are not built to be friendly for us at all. It's loud, bright, convoluted, full of seemingly arbitrary social rules and standards, etc etc. There was actually a study done recently where they compared autistic-to-autistic communication, autistic-to-allistic(non-autistic) communication, and allistic-to-allistic communication, these were the findings: https://bit.ly/31hIVqb

Okay, I'm tired now lol. I'll read the rest of this thread and respond to other stuff after some sleep.

[AngelCheese77]

Autistic person here.

I'll admit first I didn't read everything here because the replies have an overwhelming amount of text. I'm sorry if I repeat points made.

RE "tolerance": I don't want tolerance. I want acceptance. I want people to respect my desire not to participate in VC unless it's critical for group activities. I want people to understand when I say I don't communicate indirectly I *mean* it. I want people to not try to "read between the lines" when I say a thing. I want people to accept that sometimes I'm just going to be too anxious to do stuff and a lot of times that anxiety comes with a sense of not knowing what I am actually anxious about. I don't want to be told to "get over" my anxiety. I don't want to be told "it's not a big deal". I just want to tell people a thing sucks and not get advice in exchange. I want acceptance. I don't want to be told how to change, what I can do to "make things easier", or that I am being "annoying". I want to feel heard. I want people to know I know my triggers for sensory overstimulation and if I say I can't handle something it's because I am 35 years in to my autistic existence and I know myself really well. I don't want to be told "it's not that bad". I just want people to listen and be compassionate. I want my stims in society to be accepted without being told how weird my hand movements are. I want to flap in public without the weird stares. I want to say something is sensory hell for me without hearing that bright lights don't bother most people. I am not most people. I never will be. I want me as I am to just be without other people trying to change me. I want people to stop making fun of me when I don't get jokes. I want people to stop judging me for taking things literally. I don't want to be tolerated. I want my existence to be a barely noticed blip in a crowd. I want to be accepted.

You have literally described what my husband goes through. Many hugs from me.