Is there a place for me?

[MrKusakabe]

I'm a misfit. A completely socially retarded freak. I have autism. I've been kicked from raid groups, bullied and blocked from what I really want to do in this game, which is PvE, simply because I don't harmonize with normal people.

I end up alone and bitter.

I will never be able to behave the way others want but I'm not a low performing player on average and I do have a server 3rd on O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

My antennaes are having trouble to detect whether this is a trollpost or absolut sincere, as I have got to know how depression and autism finds an outlet in such wording. So even if I might fall for a bait, I give you a honest answer:

It will be tough. I have been in the same spot as you from 2013 to 2015, when I quitted. Heck, I even tried "suicide by cop", eh, "suicide by GM" - I went AFK often on purpose until being locked up into Mordion Gaol... I lost everything: I riled up my FC, my linkshells. But it was not intentional, and that feel really drove me mad even further, a typical spiral.

The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know. So you, with a short temper and more aggressive language, are usually on the very opposite of that group. You are the lighter, and these people are the dry straw. This won't go well often.

Now, 4 years later, I love this game so much and appreciate the community for what it is. I want harmony, I want people that don't make fun of you after a Lalafell wedding (I cried my eyes out a week ago^^). After 9 years of League of Legends, where you can find the people you look for in SoloQ with a 90% chance and some nice, but still superficial GW2 relationship, FF14 is balm on my soul. My life changed and I am glad, even proud, to be here. Self-destructive people - may it be on purpose or by a mental state - are simply not welcomed for that reason. While in the aforementioned community of League of Legends, it would fit perfectly as no-one really cares about each other. This community does care. And reacts accordingly to a mindset that you describe. As said, I went trough that.

I can't give you any advice apart from "It will be difficult", but then, I am also just honest. My mom has given me some depression streaks so I know verbal expressions and behaviour are like walking on eggshells, but it will be tough for you. There are many anxiety-related FCs out there that create their safe space and run stuff together with like-minded people, but they appear to be on the other side of the spectrum of what you are looking for. You must think of you as magnets bouncing off of each other. Because if you approach like-minded people, they will be irritated in return I guess. I am not even sure how you think such a difficult player-to-player relationship is going to work when you all are equally excentric....

In real life, I have a weird mix of "dark casual", "gothic" and "aristocrat" going on with lace and jabot (that's why I love the Red Mage duellist attire so much!). I listen to country music, doo-wop and neo-classic while wearing jabot and leather trench coats, I have no smartphone despite being born 1990, I don't care about big boobs and enjoy education. You won't find me on social media as I hate those. I had a strong depression in 2008 with fantasies of getting myself electrocuted at our local 20,000V powerline (no fence around it!). I know how it feels, and how it is to be a misfit. Still I am a department manager, people invite me to parties, my boss likes my performance at work and I've been promoted last yera - and I live a good life. Being a misfit can make you stronger once you realize it's not an obstacle; you have certain abilities "normal" people don't have - for me it happened to be like that at least. Maybe you realize one day that many of "the others" are in the wrong and lack your speciality (you maybe haven't figured your personal strength coming from autism yet!), and you are just living out your very self, your very own soul. As all sentien beings are supposed to instead of being mainstream sheeples and cookie-cutters...


Sincerely,

[Krotoan]

People want to help them figure out how to find a group to do things with. At the same time, the OP doesn't seem to understand why this will be difficult, yet for the rest of us it is plain to see by their various responses riddled with denial and misinformation. They don't want to acknowledge it either. So people are trying to take another approach that is, imo, way more important to all of this than simply "keep looking!" No one is necessarily asking them to change. At the end of the day, people are who they are. They are simply suggesting that they could fit in a bit better if they made a concession or two.

I totally understand people are trying to be helpful in any way they can and that's admirable. But the OP specifically said they were unwilling to change which conceding personal standards kinda is. ... saying anything probably isn't going to help either but I figured I'd try.

[Vahlnir]

I totally understand people are trying to be helpful in any way they can and that's admirable. But the OP specifically said they were unwilling to change which conceding personal standards kinda is. ... saying anything probably isn't going to help either but I figured I'd try.

You're probably right, but people still want to try. I have said my piece and I hope the OP finds a group to do things with. I just hope that they come to realize that it's going to be fairly difficult if they keep to their current path.

[Melichoir]

I'm a misfit. A completely socially retarded freak. I have autism. I've been kicked from raid groups, bullied and blocked from what I really want to do in this game, which is PvE, simply because I don't harmonize with normal people.

I end up alone and bitter.

I will never be able to behave the way others want but I'm not a low performing player on average and I do have a server 3rd on O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

Go to Therapy if you arent already.

Sorry if this comes off as blunt, but yeah, you might need to see a specialist if you have a hard time interacting with other people and getting social cues. Part of this could be autism, I can understand that, but some of this (by your post alone) doesnt seem like it's the whole picture. It comes across as "Im different, I refuse to change, so the world needs to change for me." A variance of this is the "Im me, and its everyone elses fault why I have trouble getting along with people." You come across as bitter and refusing to work on adjusting yourself and meeting people half way. It's semi self inflicted. If you want to have relations with people and society at large, then you will have to learn some level of social cues and norms. You will have to work on changing yourself to some extent if you want more meaningful interactions with people at large. That isnt easy. But nothing rewarding in life ever is. Im not saying "Work on yourself to get rid of autism", but you need to learn social cues and norms and how to interact with people, which therapy can help with. If you refuse to change yourself, and use your Autism as the reason you cant change, then you probably will just end up being even more bitter and resentful long term.

[Paladinleeds]

Go to Therapy if you arent already.

Sorry if this comes off as blunt, but yeah, you might need to see a specialist if you have a hard time interacting with other people and getting social cues. Part of this could be autism, I can understand that, but some of this (by your post alone) doesnt seem like it's the whole picture. It comes across as "Im different, I refuse to change, so the world needs to change for me." A variance of this is the "Im me, and its everyone elses fault why I have trouble getting along with people." You come across as bitter and refusing to work on adjusting yourself and meeting people half way. It's semi self inflicted. If you want to have relations with people and society at large, then you will have to learn some level of social cues and norms. You will have to work on changing yourself to some extent if you want more meaningful interactions with people at large. That isnt easy. But nothing rewarding in life ever is. Im not saying "Work on yourself to get rid of autism", but you need to learn social cues and norms and how to interact with people, which therapy can help with. If you refuse to change yourself, and use your Autism as the reason you cant change, then you probably will just end up being even more bitter and resentful long term.

Exactly. I have autism myself (as previously mentioned). And I'm useless at the social skills. But, I go to classes and receive one to one support designed to help me learn. Right now, my support worker is helping me to learn the more subtle cues of when a relationship is dead in the water, allowing me to get out quicker and with less heartbreak. We'll probably also end up teaching me how to deal with social situations and friendships. All in all, trying to push me forward. Am I always going to struggle? Yes. But, I can learn frameworks to get most situations understood.

[Fellgon]

Its them thinking he is defective as a player because of it, i am not saying it.
He should not share his story with anyone online unless he knows a person really close so he could share it with them, world is not fair and will never be, especially in places where people judge everyone over all the time.
Online world requires different approaches.




Forget about it and seek for a medical care.
Not all psychiatrists are bad, most of them are there to help you. The way they may treat you is a part of medical procedures on someone with mental health issues. I had in my family few cases of schizophrenia and they were hating psychiatrist because of the similar reasons thinking they are fine and all the world around them want to control them and change them, but end up being tied up and closed for few months, and became a normal functioning persons after few years of medical treatment, without anxiety without nothing.
All medications are coming with side effects, especially those for mental health, but they are still developing them and they are helping people to the point where someone not being able to function could find a job while taking them.
Dont be so biased and try it again, psychiatric medical care is developing really fast and is helping a ton of people, you may only get worse if you refuse to treat yourself.

I Agree. Not all pychiatrics are bad. I have squizhofrenia but i been living a normal life for more that 15 years, i have a girlfriend and we been togheder for 10 years. I work and also graduated in university like everyone else. I have ADD too.

Ive found a serious doctor that helped me with the right medication with the right amount (new medication, like zargus) i dont feel doped and tired, and my family helped me too. I never used drugs, i dont drink beer, so my condition its pure DNA. Its been realy long i dont go in another crisis, and i never forget to take my medication daily, for me its like using glasses. But most important is that i acepted my condition and acepted be helped. also be sure to find good therapist, a good psychologist that can compreend your perspective.

*Maybe ill regret the post but **** ill post anyway*

[Gihwezi]

snip.

It's real nice to see a fellow schizophrenic on here. ; v ;

My current medicine makes me feel extremely tired and zombie-like, but I'm on what seems like my 8209380921th try and I'm scared of trying anything new or better out of fear that it'll make me worse or the side affects (which is why I had to shuffle medications in the first place, mostly).

[JackHatchet]

Not to side-topic too much. But I dated someone with schizophrenia for 10 years, and I'm absolutely proud of you guys for seeing doctors and taking meds!

The medication my ex was on used to make her feel really zombie-like. But it was better than her being on suicide watch. I wish there were better in solutions. But I think medicine is getting better over time. If you have a quality care-giver. I'd keep on trying new ones. The biggest fear I always had was her getting really erratic and trying to kill herself. But as the caregiver I had a really firm grasp on her moods, and keeping her safe when she was cycling through different medications. Ideally, you'd want to do the risky part of cycling through to find the best one while you have folks watching out for ya!

I still struggle to understand autism. But man, do I get schizophrenia. It is rough as heck.

[Ronduwil]

I simply don't understand myself just HOW extreme I am when others seem to doubt if I'm even real.

Here's one thing you can try: make an extended recording of yourself and forget about it for a month. When the month is up, replay it. Pretend that you're listening to someone else. That may provide insight into how others perceive you.

This is how it works in WoW. When I got kicked from my group in FFXIV I became suicidal and stopped playing out of depression but turned to WoW after nine years. I came from nowhere and was within 6 months adopted by a Mythic raiding guild which also pushed some high keys and I was suddenly progressing deep into Antorus The Burning Throne and met new people who although finding me weird valued me highly.

I feel terrible for you. Experiences like yours make me avoid considering fellow players as real-life friends. Well, in my case it was a guy who hit on my wife knowing full well that she was my wife, but I digress. I recommend that you take some time to step out of the game and find some real-world friends. Even the WoW players seemed to be using you to accelerate their own progression. At least they really valued you on that level, though, and I'm glad it made you feel better.

In FFXIV however, it's more about people liking your personality than anything.

I sympathize because I have a terrible personality. A good personality takes work, and like you, I'm reluctant to put in time and effort to develop one. First, you have to figure out the majority's interests (which is easier said than done because the majority is interested in the dumbest things). That's the easy part. The next step is to educate yourself on those interests. However, that makes the next, most important, part even harder. Now that you can intelligibly discuss their interests, you have to engage them in a conversation about those interests without monopolizing it yourself. This is the hardest part we naturally want to show off our knowledge. However, no one likes to be lectured and educated. They prefer to do the talking. The key to holding an extended conversation is to know enough to remain engaged in conversation without lecturing so much that they disengage.

I would play WoW instead because the gaming model and community at least makes room for people like myself and I can actually get into high end content fairly easy with my ability as a player.

The flip side of that is that in order to play high end content you need to be willing to cut relations with perfectly agreeable players who simply lack the skills and/or time to master high end content. That's actually the reason I left WoW. It's kind of funny that we left WoW for opposite reasons.

[Skivvy]

. The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know.

Who do those troublesome women think they are, invading our games and causing drama?