Is there a place for me?

[MrKusakabe]

I'm a misfit. A completely socially retarded freak. I have autism. I've been kicked from raid groups, bullied and blocked from what I really want to do in this game, which is PvE, simply because I don't harmonize with normal people.

I end up alone and bitter.

I will never be able to behave the way others want but I'm not a low performing player on average and I do have a server 3rd on O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

My antennaes are having trouble to detect whether this is a trollpost or absolut sincere, as I have got to know how depression and autism finds an outlet in such wording. So even if I might fall for a bait, I give you a honest answer:

It will be tough. I have been in the same spot as you from 2013 to 2015, when I quitted. Heck, I even tried "suicide by cop", eh, "suicide by GM" - I went AFK often on purpose until being locked up into Mordion Gaol... I lost everything: I riled up my FC, my linkshells. But it was not intentional, and that feel really drove me mad even further, a typical spiral.

The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know. So you, with a short temper and more aggressive language, are usually on the very opposite of that group. You are the lighter, and these people are the dry straw. This won't go well often.

Now, 4 years later, I love this game so much and appreciate the community for what it is. I want harmony, I want people that don't make fun of you after a Lalafell wedding (I cried my eyes out a week ago^^). After 9 years of League of Legends, where you can find the people you look for in SoloQ with a 90% chance and some nice, but still superficial GW2 relationship, FF14 is balm on my soul. My life changed and I am glad, even proud, to be here. Self-destructive people - may it be on purpose or by a mental state - are simply not welcomed for that reason. While in the aforementioned community of League of Legends, it would fit perfectly as no-one really cares about each other. This community does care. And reacts accordingly to a mindset that you describe. As said, I went trough that.

I can't give you any advice apart from "It will be difficult", but then, I am also just honest. My mom has given me some depression streaks so I know verbal expressions and behaviour are like walking on eggshells, but it will be tough for you. There are many anxiety-related FCs out there that create their safe space and run stuff together with like-minded people, but they appear to be on the other side of the spectrum of what you are looking for. You must think of you as magnets bouncing off of each other. Because if you approach like-minded people, they will be irritated in return I guess. I am not even sure how you think such a difficult player-to-player relationship is going to work when you all are equally excentric....

In real life, I have a weird mix of "dark casual", "gothic" and "aristocrat" going on with lace and jabot (that's why I love the Red Mage duellist attire so much!). I listen to country music, doo-wop and neo-classic while wearing jabot and leather trench coats, I have no smartphone despite being born 1990, I don't care about big boobs and enjoy education. You won't find me on social media as I hate those. I had a strong depression in 2008 with fantasies of getting myself electrocuted at our local 20,000V powerline (no fence around it!). I know how it feels, and how it is to be a misfit. Still I am a department manager, people invite me to parties, my boss likes my performance at work and I've been promoted last yera - and I live a good life. Being a misfit can make you stronger once you realize it's not an obstacle; you have certain abilities "normal" people don't have - for me it happened to be like that at least. Maybe you realize one day that many of "the others" are in the wrong and lack your speciality (you maybe haven't figured your personal strength coming from autism yet!), and you are just living out your very self, your very own soul. As all sentien beings are supposed to instead of being mainstream sheeples and cookie-cutters...


Sincerely,

[Skivvy]

. The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know.

Who do those troublesome women think they are, invading our games and causing drama?

[Ronduwil]

Who do those troublesome women think they are, invading our games and causing drama?

To put it in more realistic terms, men, especially younger men, are relatively oblivious to others' feelings. We often say the most ignorant things because we lack the capacity to perceive them as such. Women, on the other hand, are emotional prodigies. The typical thirteen year old girl, for example, has about the same level of emotional intelligence as I did at age 25. Many of us eventually acquire a rudimentary sense of empathy. Some of us remain stubbornly and proudly ignorant for life. These are the people who typically accuse women of "causing drama." That's because they're blissfully ignorant of their own part in precipitating said drama. Please forgive him, for he knows not of what he speaks.

[Lauront]

To put it in more realistic terms, men, especially younger men, are relatively oblivious to others' feelings. We often say the most ignorant things because we lack the capacity to perceive them as such. Women, on the other hand, are emotional prodigies. The typical thirteen year old girl, for example, has about the same level of emotional intelligence as I did at age 25. Many of us eventually acquire a rudimentary sense of empathy. Some of us remain stubbornly and proudly ignorant for life. These are the people who typically accuse women of "causing drama." That's because they're blissfully ignorant of their own part in precipitating said drama. Please forgive him, for he knows not of what he speaks.

Yes, all fine and good, but let's not pretend that this does not have negative manifestations, which is what that poster was alluding towards.

[Ronduwil]

Yes, all fine and good, but let's not pretend that this does not have negative manifestations, which is what that poster was alluding towards.

But that poster seemed to be blaming women as a whole for causing drama when he really should have been a little more introspective. There are bad actors on both sides, but most of the "drama" blamed on women, in my experience, is caused by men who have no clue as to how to interact with others. Here's a quick primer on avoiding drama.

1. Don't view your guild mates as potential love interests. Running instances together does not make you soulmates.

2. Some people, when they end a relationship, completely trash their former partner in order to rationalize that they are now better off. Don't be one of those people. If you were really better off without that person, you'd be enjoying your newfound liberty. You wouldn't feel compelled to trash them every chance you get.

3. When a guild mate ends a relationship, the last thing they need right away is a new one. Don't expect any emotional support that you provide in such trying times to blossom into a romance. In fact, providing emotional support during a break up is a great way to get friend-zoned. That's not to say that you shouldn't provide emotional support. See #1.

4. Sometimes people just click, and despite their attempts to follow rule #1, they find themselves mutually attracted and hook up anyway. Don't be jealous. Be happy for them. If you had been meant to be with one of them, you would have been with them.

5. Be courteous to your guild mates, regardless of their skill level. Most criticism between guild mates is well-intentioned, so give it and take it that way. Helpful suggestions are usually appreciated. Pointing out failures without an accompanying prescription for success is basically bullying. If your guild mates didn't understand your criticism the first time, then shouting it the next time won't help them understand it any better. If criticism is incorrect or unfair, wait until the current run finishes before calmly discussing why you think it was incorrect and/or unfair. If someone feels bullied, point out a couple of things that they're doing correctly, and encourage them to continue doing those things. I have yet to see a player who was 100% a failure unless they were intentionally trollling.

[Akonyl]

Who do those troublesome women think they are, invading our games and causing drama?

Thank you for quoting this gem, because I wasn't about to read that whole post.

[Penthea]

The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know. So you, with a short temper and more aggressive language, are usually on the very opposite of that group. You are the lighter, and these people are the dry straw. This won't go well often.

Good lord I'm not sure how I missed this post. The obnoxious need to stand out is incredible; different typeface, text size and text colour, with two massive signatures at the end.

And then this oversung idea about how women are different creatures and therefore create different types of drama that men are unused to...please. In my 10+ years of gaming online and in table-tops I have not seen any drama from women that I haven't also seen from men. Maybe if you start realising that people are people you will get on with women better. Our wants and needs aren't radically different to men. And if you're referring to romance-based drama then what I have to say to that is it takes two to tango and sometimes both dancers are bad.