Is there a place for me?

[Ronduwil]

Yes, all fine and good, but let's not pretend that this does not have negative manifestations, which is what that poster was alluding towards.

But that poster seemed to be blaming women as a whole for causing drama when he really should have been a little more introspective. There are bad actors on both sides, but most of the "drama" blamed on women, in my experience, is caused by men who have no clue as to how to interact with others. Here's a quick primer on avoiding drama.

1. Don't view your guild mates as potential love interests. Running instances together does not make you soulmates.

2. Some people, when they end a relationship, completely trash their former partner in order to rationalize that they are now better off. Don't be one of those people. If you were really better off without that person, you'd be enjoying your newfound liberty. You wouldn't feel compelled to trash them every chance you get.

3. When a guild mate ends a relationship, the last thing they need right away is a new one. Don't expect any emotional support that you provide in such trying times to blossom into a romance. In fact, providing emotional support during a break up is a great way to get friend-zoned. That's not to say that you shouldn't provide emotional support. See #1.

4. Sometimes people just click, and despite their attempts to follow rule #1, they find themselves mutually attracted and hook up anyway. Don't be jealous. Be happy for them. If you had been meant to be with one of them, you would have been with them.

5. Be courteous to your guild mates, regardless of their skill level. Most criticism between guild mates is well-intentioned, so give it and take it that way. Helpful suggestions are usually appreciated. Pointing out failures without an accompanying prescription for success is basically bullying. If your guild mates didn't understand your criticism the first time, then shouting it the next time won't help them understand it any better. If criticism is incorrect or unfair, wait until the current run finishes before calmly discussing why you think it was incorrect and/or unfair. If someone feels bullied, point out a couple of things that they're doing correctly, and encourage them to continue doing those things. I have yet to see a player who was 100% a failure unless they were intentionally trollling.

[Akonyl]

Who do those troublesome women think they are, invading our games and causing drama?

Thank you for quoting this gem, because I wasn't about to read that whole post.

[Penthea]

The problem is that FF14 seem to attract many people with a thinner skin, and many females, that often cause a different set of drama as we, the mostly masculine gamer community, know. So you, with a short temper and more aggressive language, are usually on the very opposite of that group. You are the lighter, and these people are the dry straw. This won't go well often.

Good lord I'm not sure how I missed this post. The obnoxious need to stand out is incredible; different typeface, text size and text colour, with two massive signatures at the end.

And then this oversung idea about how women are different creatures and therefore create different types of drama that men are unused to...please. In my 10+ years of gaming online and in table-tops I have not seen any drama from women that I haven't also seen from men. Maybe if you start realising that people are people you will get on with women better. Our wants and needs aren't radically different to men. And if you're referring to romance-based drama then what I have to say to that is it takes two to tango and sometimes both dancers are bad.

[Melichoir]

I'm a misfit. A completely socially retarded freak. I have autism. I've been kicked from raid groups, bullied and blocked from what I really want to do in this game, which is PvE, simply because I don't harmonize with normal people.

I end up alone and bitter.

I will never be able to behave the way others want but I'm not a low performing player on average and I do have a server 3rd on O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

Go to Therapy if you arent already.

Sorry if this comes off as blunt, but yeah, you might need to see a specialist if you have a hard time interacting with other people and getting social cues. Part of this could be autism, I can understand that, but some of this (by your post alone) doesnt seem like it's the whole picture. It comes across as "Im different, I refuse to change, so the world needs to change for me." A variance of this is the "Im me, and its everyone elses fault why I have trouble getting along with people." You come across as bitter and refusing to work on adjusting yourself and meeting people half way. It's semi self inflicted. If you want to have relations with people and society at large, then you will have to learn some level of social cues and norms. You will have to work on changing yourself to some extent if you want more meaningful interactions with people at large. That isnt easy. But nothing rewarding in life ever is. Im not saying "Work on yourself to get rid of autism", but you need to learn social cues and norms and how to interact with people, which therapy can help with. If you refuse to change yourself, and use your Autism as the reason you cant change, then you probably will just end up being even more bitter and resentful long term.

[Paladinleeds]

Go to Therapy if you arent already.

Sorry if this comes off as blunt, but yeah, you might need to see a specialist if you have a hard time interacting with other people and getting social cues. Part of this could be autism, I can understand that, but some of this (by your post alone) doesnt seem like it's the whole picture. It comes across as "Im different, I refuse to change, so the world needs to change for me." A variance of this is the "Im me, and its everyone elses fault why I have trouble getting along with people." You come across as bitter and refusing to work on adjusting yourself and meeting people half way. It's semi self inflicted. If you want to have relations with people and society at large, then you will have to learn some level of social cues and norms. You will have to work on changing yourself to some extent if you want more meaningful interactions with people at large. That isnt easy. But nothing rewarding in life ever is. Im not saying "Work on yourself to get rid of autism", but you need to learn social cues and norms and how to interact with people, which therapy can help with. If you refuse to change yourself, and use your Autism as the reason you cant change, then you probably will just end up being even more bitter and resentful long term.

Exactly. I have autism myself (as previously mentioned). And I'm useless at the social skills. But, I go to classes and receive one to one support designed to help me learn. Right now, my support worker is helping me to learn the more subtle cues of when a relationship is dead in the water, allowing me to get out quicker and with less heartbreak. We'll probably also end up teaching me how to deal with social situations and friendships. All in all, trying to push me forward. Am I always going to struggle? Yes. But, I can learn frameworks to get most situations understood.

[JackHatchet]

Not to side-topic too much. But I dated someone with schizophrenia for 10 years, and I'm absolutely proud of you guys for seeing doctors and taking meds!

The medication my ex was on used to make her feel really zombie-like. But it was better than her being on suicide watch. I wish there were better in solutions. But I think medicine is getting better over time. If you have a quality care-giver. I'd keep on trying new ones. The biggest fear I always had was her getting really erratic and trying to kill herself. But as the caregiver I had a really firm grasp on her moods, and keeping her safe when she was cycling through different medications. Ideally, you'd want to do the risky part of cycling through to find the best one while you have folks watching out for ya!

I still struggle to understand autism. But man, do I get schizophrenia. It is rough as heck.

[Inuk9]

To be honest, if people are telling you you have AIDS, either you pissed then of or they are pure evil. (I don't believe that people are just evil out of nowhere) Maybe is something that you said or is something you do that annoy other people. I know 2 autists IRL and one of then is annoying and have a really bad attitude with others but he dont even realize that.

[Ryaz]

One of my FC mates has autism. He also suffers from headaches, seizures and white outs. He's also one of the best tanks I've ever had the pleasure of playing with. The people who play with him don't care about his autism, they care about his performance and attitude.

The thing is, with any kind of group content there has to be a compromise. I have a feeling if people don't want to play with you, it isnt because you have autism (people wouldn't even really know unless you told them yourself), but because of how you, as you said, rant. Kicking people for being overly negative is a pretty normal thing. We had someone in our NN swearing and cursing at SE and Yoshi-P for making him work to get MGP and triple triad cards and screaming at people for not jumping up and down to help him at that instant. He was booted from the network multiple for that reason, no other.if you're going to continue being negative and refuse to change, there isn't much we can do for you.

[Penthea]

Op's post is fairly long but manages to not give enough information that can be used to help them.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

"Freaks" and "misfits" can be very ambiguous terms, and they certainly are in this case because you have given very little context other than autism. Do you mean to say you want to play with other autistic people? Do you mean you are actively just seeking odd people in general?

If the intention behind your post is to find a place where you can be happy, then you need to be far more specific about the sort of people you want to meet. What you may consider to be a misfit, someone else may not. Also make a list of the sort of things that interest you in the game and why, and some of your interests outside the game too. This would make it easier for like-minded people to spot you.

I see you made another similar post in your server's forum section about this, also try the following if you have not already:

General FC forum
FFXIV subreddit

I did notice in your post in the Odin forum you said "The vision I have for my group is: slow and steady learning, high top performance but no need to learn mechanics instantly, quiet, focused and loyal, no bantering or loud voices and never behaving as if we're more elite than we actually are with e-peen and flexing unnecessarily." And you also said "I guess people just dislike my personality but I don't know what to change."

I just want to make you aware that stating that you want a super quiet raid environment with no banter would be a turn off for a lot of people. I understand that you have autism and maybe this is something you need, but you had said you don't really know why people dislike you so I am pointing out that this might be something that causes some people to not want to raid with you.

If you cannot stand hearing much chit-chat due to your autism then I suggest trying to find a raid team that does not use voice chat. They are rare, but they exist. I have come across a few deaf people who have complained about difficulty in finding raid teams due to voice chat being mandatory for most. Maybe seek out these people if you would prefer to raid without using voice.

[Crystal_Raven]

O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

If people actually called you that and kicked you, I suggest you take a very good and long look at your behaviour.

Not to mention that you get kicked, "bullied" and blocked by others. You are doing something VERY wrong to say the least.